Bruins Visit Red Light District, Kill Lightning

Today was a huge night for the Bruins. The type of victory that could turn into a loooooong streak. Coming off a good victory against the Flyers, the Bruins gave the home fans a party.

Marc Savard returned and the Bruins celebrated in grand style. They forgot they played hockey and scored a touchdown. Then gave Tampa Bay the finger and went for the two point conversion. They drove one Lightning goalie from the net and embarrassed the other. They held Stamkos pointless. They held St. Louis pointless. 

Savard played a great game too. He really did. Not just being nice because it was his first game back. He threw a hit. He drove to the front of the net looking for tip ins. He had some great takeaways. If you knew nothing about Savard, no way you would’ve know he had not played a game since May.

The Bruins put Tampa Bay on their heels and then slit their throats. They smelled blood and wanted the kill. And boy did they get it. Tampa Bay is certainly a better team than they showed tonight but the Bruins were just on fire. And Mike Smith kind of sucks. Only seven Bruins players didn’t register a point. Not only was Thomas spectacular again, but he got an assist. They got amped up for the Flyers game and carried that emotion home.

I mean, just look at this freaking boxscore!


After the jump, goals, goals, goals and paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain…..




– Marchand, Campbell and Thornton were reunited to start the game. And it felt soooooooooo gooooooooooood.


– Tampa Bay douche Tyrell was getting cute with his stick off a face-off against Thornton. Thornton let Tyrell know he didn’t appreciate and tried to engage him, but Tyrell was too much of a pansy. If we use Mike Milbury logic, he must’ve been Euro.


– After a whistle, Tyrell started chirping at Thornton…. when the refs were in the way. Real tough. Just admit you’re terrified of Shawn Thornton. Pansy.

– Tampa Bay was flying around the Boston zone until Mark Stuart started using his brute strength to kill people behind the Bruins net. We’re positive he’s wanted for murder in at least 24 states.

– Marc Savard takes the ice and the crowd goes freaking bonkers. Good to see #91 back on the ice. Good thing he trained so hard and had a montage. He was booted out of his first face-off and the crowd rained boos and dirty words down on the ref.

– Once the puck was actually dropped Savard headed to the front of the Tampa net trying to tip in slapshots. Beast.

– Bruins are producing good chances but nothing is going in. Campbell fed Marchand in front of the net but Mike Smith actually made a save as his teammates looked on astonished.

– Chara wanted to hurt people tonight. We saw a copy of his “To Do” list and it just said “Kill.” Chara saw Hall hanging out around the wall. His eyes went white like a great white shark and then Chara broke him.


– Boston still circling the Lightning. Bergeron passes to Recchi in front and Recchi makes a great redirection but Mike Smith was pretending he was a good goalie and made the save. Boston started to smell blood though.

– During a commercial they showed Savard on the Jumbotron and the crowd went nuts again. Classy move B’s.

– Stamkos was mad ’cause he hadn’t scored 7 goals yet and slashed Bergeron. Unfortunately for Stamkos, that violates some basic NHL rule and he goes to the box.

– B’s almost score two seconds in. Floodgates are going to open soon. You can smell it. 

– Savard threw a hit on Nate Thompson. Jebus Savard. Relax a lil buddy, it’s your first game back!

– Krejci and Lucic have a great give and go opportunity but Krejci pushes the puck juuuuuuuust wide. Lightning kill the penalty.

– Down at the Bruins end, Boychuk threw himself hard into the boards so he could see what his victims feel like. He was amused. Then he started abusing people. At one point Superman flew in to try to save Tampa and Boychuk bitch slapped him. Boychuk is 100x better than Superman.


– The Bruins finally broke Smith. Krejci gets the puck and just embarrasses Mike Smith. Seriously. Krejci undressed him and Smith filed charges. 1-0 Bruins.


– Lucic assisted on Krejci’s goal. He already has more points than he did all of last season. Breakout season? So far.


– Tampa tries to get the goal back and storms the Boston net. Thomas gives up a few rebounds just to test his skills. Tampa gets a few good chances but Thomas gives them the finger.


– Both teams exchange chances until Tampa gets another great opportunity in front on an open net. It wasn’t open for long. BIG SAVE BY THOMAS as Mr. Edwards would say. Thomas felt the Lightning didn’t get the message the first time and dished out the double middle finger.


– B’s having trouble clearing the puck. Tampa has some fast dudes. And some douchey ones. Thompson rushes Thomas and Boychuk takes exception. Boychuk pushes him and says GTFO. A scrum ensues and Marchand ends up in the box as Julien goes nuts on the bench. Either that or he just found out the Sturm deal was nixed.


– Tampa gets some good chances and with a little luck Boston kills the penalty.

– Savard coming up with some steals but Bruins can’t capitalize. The period starts to wind down and then things get interesting.

– Dennis Seidenberg skates through the neutral zone looking for a dump in. Mike Smith leaves the net early expecting the dump in. Seidenberg says to himself…. “Hey! That is a wide open net!” And shoots from behind the offensive blueline. Goal. Seriously. 2-0 Bruins.

Here is a recreation of the event.




– Thornton was chatting with the refs before the puck dropped. Probably warning them he was going to destroy people.

– Good defensive play on both sides to start the seconds. Lots of good poke checks and blocks.

– Thompson runs into Thomas. This guy just sucks.

– Hedman takes a blatant tripping call and B’s go on the powerplay. No idea what Hedman was thinking there.

– Smith made a good save off Lucic to start the powerplay. Yeah, we were shocked too.

– B’s don’t get much going on the powerplay after that. Lightning kill it. Ho hum.

– Ference fed a charging Thornton but Smith JUST gets a piece and covers up. Dammit. 

– Good battle for the puck behind the B’s net and the B’s head up ice.

– Horton passes to Krejci who dishes to Lucic cross crease. Tic. Tac. Toe. Goal by Lucic. 3-0.


– Tampa comes back and gets a good scoring chance but the puck goes wide.

– Bergeron goes down to the other end and throws a light shot on Smith so he can make a save and feel good. Bergeron is a helper.

– Boychuk having a very strong game. Good positioning, good clears. Boychuk rules.

– Bad turnover almost costs the Bruins but Ryder tips the puck out of the zone.

– Malone tries to jam the puck past Thomas as the whistle blows but Malone keeps going. McQuaid pushes Malone away. And gets in Malone’s face. Malone backs off. Savard skates over to make sure McQuaid doesn’t kill Malone. Malone then pushes Savard. What a tough guy. Hey Malone, remember how the Pens let your ass walk and won a Cup AFTER you left. Yeah. Pansy.


-Boston gets away with an obvious tripping call when Thomas kicks out a rebound to the slot and B’s trip a dude to stop him from getting the puck. Too close Thomas.

– Chara figures out the best way to stop Stamkos is to just throw him to the ice. Simple but effective. Chara killed anyone foolish enough to disturb him tonight.


– At one point Tampa was playing so poorly that Ference stopped to sort his recycling while he was on the ice.

– Boychuk is due for a goal. Keeps getting good shots and getting pucks on the net.

– Then Boychuk has some bad luck. He goes for one of his trademark slapshot’s but his stick breaks. He dives to the ice to try to stop Tampa from getting the puck but there’s too many Lightning players around him. Tampa heads up the ice and Thomas doesn’t stand a chance. Hedman scores. 3-1.

– Thomas had no idea what that red light behind his net was. He looked so confused. Ref had to explain to him that the light goes off when he lets up a goal. 

– Tampa comes back with another great chance but Ference dives and blocks. Captain Planet… he’s a hero.


– Down in the Tampa end, Hedman misplays the puck to Mike Smith, and the puck trickles towards Tampa’s goal line. Thornton pounces and taps it in. Fifth goal of the season to pass Kovalchuk. 4-1 Bruins. Thomas gets an assist on the goal.


– Thornton then began laughing hysterically because Mike Smith is so terrible. Well, at least we say that was what he was laughing at. Thornton rules.



– Tampa keeps trying to make a comeback but Thomas is just making great saves. He was so bored at one point he put on a blindfold just to make things harder for himself.


– Towards the end of the period Ference gets pissed at Stamkos. Ference was upset that Stamkos was wasting all that rubber scoring goals. Ference told Stamkos he could either knock it off or pay the price. Stamkos thought Ference was joking. Ference clotheslined him. Stamkos can’t score if he’s on his ass. Well, technically.



– 34 seconds into the period, Krejci remembers Smith is a terrible goalie and decides he wants another goal. He gets it. Easily. 5-1 Bruins.

– Dan Ellis comes in for Mike Smith. He’s wearing a surgeon’s mask. ‘Cause being a goalie is just as complicated as being a surgeron. Too bad Dan Ellis has all those cash money problems.

– Savard takes a hit from Matt Smaby as everyone holds their breath. He pops right back up. Phew.

– Before Dan Ellis can even start counting his millions Ryder scores on him. This is getting out of hand. 6-1 Bruins.

– Krejci comes back in and feeds Horton but Ellis actually makes a save. A nice one too. Wow. Good job lil buddy.

– McQuaid tells Simon Gagne he hates him and pushes him to the ice after Gagne robs teammate Hedman of a shot.

– B’s continue to swarm in Tampa zone. Up five goals and they won’t quit. They need to keep this attitude.

– B’s locking shit down in front of Thomas. Tampa should just give up. Oh… wait.

– Mattias Ohlund tries to check Johnny Boychuk. He ends up on the ice holding his face. He’s lucky he wasn’t dead. Boychuk barely even noticed. Boychuk destroys lives. Ohlund called his wife and kids right afterwards and apologized for being so careless with his life.


– Thornton was trying to find a dance partner all night because Tampa was getting cheap, but no one would accept. Then Kubina attacked him and pinned him against the boards. Not a good way to get a date buddy. No means no. Refs send Kubina to the box to protect him from Thornton.

– 9 seconds into the powerplay Ellis gives up a huge rebound and Mark Recchi buries it quicker than the Bruins buried Mike Smith. 7-1 Bruins.

– St. Louis and Stamkos hook up in the Boston end but Stamkos loses the puck in front of Thomas. Thaaaaaaaat was close.

– Down at the other end, Tampa fails to clear. They’ve just given up by now. Bruins work in the zone and Wheeler gets the puck. Goal. 8-1 Bruins.

– There must’ve been a whorehouse behind the Bruins net because the red light was on all night.


– Lucic still taking this game seriously as he tries to kill people. Jebus.

– The clock mercifully winds down for Tampa as Thornton comes sooooooooooo close to scoring again near the end of the game. The buzzer goes off and Tampa leaves the ice feeling much shame.


Bruins are riding high after two emotional victories. The Maple Leafs could be in a lot of trouble Saturday. Tim Thomas is better than you. Go Bruins.

About Trashboy Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.