Bruins Sign “Quailman”, Bodnarchuk

We’re late on this. So what? Suck it.

The Bruins have signed former Whaler and Montreal Canadien Doug Jarvis to replace the departed Craig Ramsay. Jarvis also played for the Crapitals, but who cares about them. You know, other than a bandwagon full of people ROCKING THE RED!!!!1111!!!!! Quit pretending like you guys didn’t steal that from Calgary.

We’re just pumped that his name is Doug. I wonder if he’s banging on a trash can and drumming on a street light right now….

He’s a super hero!

The Bruins also re-signed defenseman Andrew Bodnarchuk to a one-year extension.

After the jump, a little more about the Bruins newest member….

As you may remember, Ramsay left the Bruins for Atlanta to pursue his Nascar career coach the Thrashers. Yeah, we’re baffled by the decision too. I guess Ramsay hated coaching in front of a packed arena and wanted to be able to hear funny funny conversations between the two Thrashers fans in the balcony. Either that or he prefers to be on a team that doesn’t make the playoffs rather than a team that blows a 3-0 series lead. Just vomitted a little.

Nascar is terrible. Boo to the south.

On the plus side, the Thrashers have roughly 83% of last year’s Blackhawks roster so they should be early Cup favorites!

But with Byfuglien on the team, that’s probably a giant cup of ice cream and not the Stanley Cup. Oh well.

Jarvis is an NHL ironman, playing in a record 964 consecutive games. Imagine how tired his wife must be. What a stud.

He also won four Cups with the hated Habs as a player. Hopefully he’ll bring some of that swagger to the Bruins. Although we remain slightly concerned at the amount of former Canadiens coaches on the Bruins staff. Hopefully they aren’t doing that stupid “ole ole” chant in meetings. Gross.

Having spent a lot of time in Montreal, Jarvis also brings a wealth of experience in the “burning down your city after a first round playoff win” department. Habs fans are tools.

Stop speaking French, we know that you know English. Dicks.

Julien apparently has a man crush on Jarvis, so hopefully they can translate their love off the ice to results on the ice.

“I want to tell you how thrilled we are to have Doug Jarvis join our staff,” Julien said. “I think when the job became available, the one thing we wanted to do was replace some of the experience we lost with Craig Ramsay. Having known Doug for a while, having worked with him briefly in Montreal, his experience in coaching and playing was very valuable in our decision-making.”

In addition to bringing in Ironman Doug Jarvis, the B’s are bringing back Andrew Bodnarchuk. We now que the people who will yell about spending money on him and taking up cap space despite the fact that he’ll spend a lot of time in the AHL next season. Young Bodnarchuk has just 5 games of NHL experience but has shown promise. Here’s what Hockey’s Future has to say about him:


A puck-moving defenseman, Bodnarchuk is a very good skater and sees the ice well. He has a hard point shot and distributes the puck smoothly. He sometimes has problems handling physical pressure and needs to fill out and add some strength, but he does not mind getting in the face of the opposition from time to time in his own end. He also needs further polishing in his own zone, and needs to remedy his occasional discipline problems that have seen him take a few inopportune penalties. Plays bigger than 5’11.

Barring injuries, Andy probably won’t see much NHL time but who knows. Keep plugging away buddy!



About Trashboy Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.