rancourt

Hometown Letdown. Bruins Lose.

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This hurts. Losing to the Flyers hurts. Not just because of last year. We love hockey. Watching the Flyers makes us hate hockey. They’re goony cowards, with a couple of skill guys mixed in. Claude Giroux is probably the only member of that team that doesn’t make us want to choke babies for sport.

Claude Julien applauded the Bruins effort after the game. Not sure we were watching the same game. Lot of uninspired play for long stretches. The Bruins would be buzzing around the Flyers net getting scoring chances and then completely disappear for ten minutes. They had plenty of opportunity to win this game but showed up too late. 

This game contained all the Flyers hallmarks. Cheap shots by Jody Shelley. Hartnell acting tough when the refs were around then running away when they weren’t. Pierre McGuire giving Mike Richards hand jobs between periods.

No idea how the Bruins don’t catch fire all game. Not saying they should dwell on Game 7, but even after McQuaid went down there was little fire. Not buying that fatigue excuse either. They’ve been home for a week, sleeping in their own beds. But hey, we’re not hockey players. The disappointing part for us is knowing that this was another game the Bruins could’ve won if they had their heads in the game consistently. Oh well. There’s always next time.

After the jump, Thomas is good, Kampfer is good and the people who run the cameras at TD Garden are pedophiles…….

 

1st

 

- Seguin out with the flu. Hopefully its actually the flu and he didn’t bump into Hartnell and get hepatitis before the game.

- The Bruins are undefeated when Rene Rancourt gives a double fistpump at the start of games.

- We’re not sure if that is actually true, but it should be. Long Live Rene!

- The Energy Line almost scores five seconds in. Boucher sucks. But Bruins make him look good.

- We got blind refs tonight as they call a phantom offsides. Pics or it didn’t happen.

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- McQuaid nails Timonen in the Flyers zone and Timonen skates away to cry.

- Back in the Bruins end the Flyers start a scrum at some perceived slight while Mike Richards gives Pierre McGuire a handjob.

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- Thornton’s line is everywhere. Flyers need Listerine to get the taste of out their mouths.

- Lucic hits Carcillo and gives him a shove. Instead of playing hockey, Carcillo ignores the play and cries about it.

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- Ference out races that brute Jody Shelley for a puck and Shelley cries for some reason. Probably because he has a girl’s name.

- Lil bitty Marchand takes down Shelley. Hahahahahahahaha.

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- Thornton’s line and Kampfer buzzing around the Flyers net. Best line all night.

- Jeff Carter slips on his hair gel in the Bruins zone and then tries to pretend Ference tripped him.

- At the other end, Horton STILL can’t hit an open net. Shoot lower man, shoot lower.

- Carcillo takes a penalty for being a talentless hack and the Bruins go on the powerplay. Why is this guy ever employed by an NHL team?

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- Bruins decided to not run a powerplay and do neutral zone exercises instead.

- Lucic feeds Krejci cross crease but Krejci can’t bury it past Boucher as some Flyers fan in the crowd acts like Boucher is super awesome.

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- Bruins get sloppy in their own zone and you can just feel something bad happening. Kind of like when you accidently share a drink with a Flyers fan.

- Bruins get it out, but Flyers come right back. Somehow the Bruins let Carcillo beat them to a puck and he passes it to Nodl who’s all alone in the slot. Oh shit… but nope. Thomas ate Nodl’s parents and told him to go home.

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- Period ends 0-0 after a few good chances at both ends.

INTERMISSION PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT

To the men and women in charge of the camera people that show the crowd on the Jumbotron….

Please, please, PLEASE tell them to stop showing shirtless children on the Jumbotron. Are you encouraging pedophilia? Seriously. Why don’t you just hang a sign up outside inviting pedophiles in. And you’re encouraging children to take their shirts off. Knock it off.

tdgardenpedos

 

 

2nd

- Thomas keeps roaming from the net and whiffing on the puck or falling down. Flyers haven’t capitalized so far but Timmy needs to just stay home.

- Bruins get a nice two on one chance but Ryder passes into some Flyer skates. Boo.

- Down at the other end, Hartnell tries to be a hockey player and score but Thomas shows him what a real man looks like.

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- Carcillo trying to go after Marchand ’cause Carcillo thinks he’s tough. Thornton comes over to ask him to dance but the refs save Carcillo’s life.

- McQuaid goes for an icing and Shelley boards him. Ridiculous. Typical Flyers dirty play as the crowed erupts into a “Flyers Suck” chant. Flyers fans cry and cry about how the refs are bias against them but this is why. Disgusting. 

  
               

- McQuaid eventually gets up but needs help back to the bench and looks woozy. Shelley gets booted and the Bruins get a five minute powerplay. You stay classy Jody.

- Bruins having trouble getting things going as Flyers continue to be cheap after a whistle. Still three minutes left on the powerplay though.

- Chara lets a shot fly and Bruins try to jam it home but Boucher actually makes a nice save.

- Savard makes a terrible pass and the Flyers head up ice. Mike Richards gets the puck and the crowd starts chanting “asshole.” They weren’t calling Richards an asshole, but simply stating which of Richards’ body cavities Pierre McGuire had his tiny dick in.

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- Bruins come back on the rush… Horton hits pipe. Hate that sound lately.

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- Bruins showing zero emotion or killer instinct after the boarding call. Jebus. Way to go guys. Flyers kill five minute penalty.

- During commercial break the Bruins did their “Helmet Shuffle” mini game on the Jumbotron but with a Flyers fan twist…. the helmets moved really slow and an arrow pointed to the correct helmet. Awesome. Philadelphia is stupid.

- Shawn Thornton is a puck moving defenseman. Jack of all trades man. Couple good stops.

- Kampfer likes to block shots. And lead rushes up the ice. Not bad for just his second game man.

- After a few good chances at both ends, Carcillo tries to hit Horton. And misses. He can’t even do that right.

 

- Savard hits Ryder with a beauty of a pass but Boucher is there. Boucher still sucks.

- McQuaid is back. Sweet Jesus. Suck it Jody Shelley. Hope Shawn Thornton boards your mom.

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- Carcillo nails Looch on a surprisingly clean hit. Didn’t know Carcillo knew how to not be cheap. Weird.

- Carter enters the zone un-challenged by Boston. He hits Dick Van Dyke cross crease for an easy goal. Nice one Bruins. 1-0 Flyers.

- Period ends 1-0. Pissed the Bruins didn’t show more fight and vigor after the McQuaid hit. Didn’t want them to go head hunting but come on. Where was the energy. Someone call Doogie Howser MD to check for a pulse.

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3rd

- Hopefully the Bruins wake up. Looks like they’re sleeping out there.

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- Bruins putting on some pressure and waking up a bit and Bergeron gets the puck in the slot, but Boucher flashes some glove. Ouch.

- Powe and Carcillo try to get rough with Lucic on a line change and Lucic pushes them both…. and they just head to the bench. Thats right. Sit down you scared little bitches.

- Crowd is dead. So disappointed in the crowd.

- Some stuff is happening but Bruins are coasting. Terrible. Getting the occasional chance but getting the impression they don’t even want to win. Patrice Purrgeron is sad.

 

- Bruins shooting directly at Boucher’s chest. It was kind of ridiculous. See…. here it what Boucher looked like:

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And here is what the Bruins thought Boucher looked like:

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- I think the Bruins are hoping they can hit Boucher in the heart and give him a heart attack. Easy to score if the goalie is dead I guess.

boychukboucherheartattack

- Chara gets the puck to the middle and it deflects of a Flyer skate. Horton pokes the puck away to Krejci and Krejci pokes right back to Horton who snipes top shelf. Bruins finally alive. 1-1. Score!

- The crowd has finally decided to show up. Awesome.

- Hartnell tries to pretend he’s a man and start shit with Chara… but he waited until the refs where there and then skated away and pushed Wheeler. Biggest pansy in the league.

hartnellchicken

- Keys to victory for the Bruins: Shorten hockey games to one 20 minute period and call it the “third period.”

- Recchi going to the box for touching Mike Richards. Pierre McGuire offered the ref $500 to call the penalty because Rechhi “puts his hands on my man!”

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- Mike Richards and Pierre McGuire jokes never get old. For us anyway.

- Thomas loves penalty kills. Awesome glove hand.

- Bruins running around a bit while Flyers storm the net but Thomas Hulks up and runs wild. Penalty kill over.

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- Flyers start really outplaying the Bruins. Bruins are running around like a Hartnell with it’s head cut off.

- Energy line starts buzzing again and producing scoring chances. Hey Mike Felger… you keep bitching about how the “fourth” line is always on the ice in the third period. This is why.

- Lucic KILLS Nodl in the corner as Bruins are getting desperate with less than a minute to go.

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- Bruins pressing but Boucher ate his Wheaties. We’re heading to Overtime folks.

Overtime

- Thomas made a glove save and it looked like he didn’t even see the puck. We wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. In Thomas, We Trust.

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- Boychuk busy being a beast keeping the puck in the Flyers zone. In Boychuk, We Trust.

inboychukwetrust

- Pronger apparently got the memo the Bruins are bad in the shootout and starts wasting time in the Flyers zone.

- Wheeler makes a terrible pass and Flyers get a breakaway. Dick Van Dyke. Kampfer stays with him as Thomas comes out. A little too far. The puck skids near the goal line… as Thomas dives to stop it. What a player.

- Flyers pinning Bruins in their own zone as Thomas makes another glove save. Leino goes to the ice after getting pushed and pretends he’s broken. Just get up.

- Savard makes one of the worst passes of the season… to nobody. Think he forgot its 4 on 4. Really wish the Bruins would stop those blind drop passes. Hasn’t worked out once this season. 

- Flyers go down the other end on a 3 on 1. Seidenberg can’t stop them all. Impossible. Thomas has to be ready for whoever Seids doesn’t cover. Mike Richards fakes pass… beats Thomas. Game over. 2-1 Flyers.

- Flyers score with just three seconds left. Terrible.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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