Yesterday the Bruins signed Johnny “Destroyer of Worlds” Boychuk to a two-year deal. We’re stoked. We’re beyond stoked. We haven’t been this stoked since the Bruins re-signed Shawn “Wayne” Thornton a few weeks back. And to celebrate we started rattling off some Johnny Boychuk facts — “#boychuk facts” if you’re on the Twitter. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org with your own. If they’re good we’ll add ‘em to the list.
Johnny Boychuk Facts
Johnny Boychuk can kill two stones with one bird… the stones being Matt Ellis and Matt Stajan and the bird being Boychuk’s shoulder.
Johnny Boychuk doesn’t go to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable… unlike Carcillo‘s.
Johnny Boychuk has been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Johnny Boychuk.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Johnny Boychuk.
Johnny Boychuk knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
They once made a Johnny Boychuk toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
There is no Theory of Evolution; just a list of animals Johnny Boychuk allows to live.
Johnny Boychuk doesn’t fall; he hipchecks the earth.
The Washington Monument is a “to scale” replica of Johnny Boychuk’s wang.
In Soviet Russia, Johnny Boychuk STILL hits you.
Remember that time Matt Stajan ran into Johnny Boychuk? Well that makes one of you.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Johnny Boychuck. Boychuk showed the bear his shoulder and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be less painful to die that way.
Johnny Boychuk can stop a puck by pointing at it and saying “Boo-yah.”
Unlike Chuck Norris, Johnny Boychuk never gave a kid AIDS.
Johnny Boychuk frequently donates blood to the Red Cross… just never his own.
Johnny Boychuk is the one who stole cookies from the cookie jar. Do something. We dare you.