NHL Holiday Wishes!

It is Christmas time and much like fans, NHL teams and players around the league have certain things on their lists they hope to receive this year!

Since we are in the Christmas spirit, we decided to do a little digging and found out what some of our “favorites” wanted.

 

After the jump, Brian Burke wishes he was Marty McFly, Kaleta and the cowardly lion have something in common and Nabokov makes “The Decision”…….

 

 

 

Brian Burke and Maple Leafs Fans Want a Time Machine

Before the 2009-10 season started, the Boston Bruins and Toronto Maple Leafs got together and made the infamous deal that sent disgruntled winger Phil Kessel to the Leafs and a package that include 2010 and 2011 first round draft picks came back to the Bruins.

That 2010 first round pick turned out to be Tyler Seguin. Seguin is struggling to adjust to the NHL, as most rookies do, but has shown flashes out what the Bruins hope they will get. Phil Kessel, on the other hand, has shown what he is… at least so far. Great wrist shot, ability to score… but failure to be consistent and a habit of shutting down for long stretches at a time. Quite frankly, so far Kessel doesn’t look like the type of player that brings you a championship.

If the Penguins, Blackhawks and Capitals have proven anything, teams build long term, perennial contenders through the draft and supplement that through crafty trades and free agent signings. The Maple Leafs traded for Kessel and so far have lost a #2 overall pick to the Bruins while hovering around the bottom of the NHL. Burke would never admit a mistake, but if he could….. perhaps he and the Leafs would like a time machine for Christmas so they can go back to the fateful summer… and not pull the trigger.

 

Capitals Fans and Ted Leonisis Wish Pittsburgh sucked

The Capitals owner, coach and fans just can’t get Pittsburgh out of their heads. Even when the Capitals are not playing the Penguins, their fans chant “We Want Pittsburgh” at games. Boudreau talks about the Penguins in interviews and press conferences even if the Caps have not recently played the Pens and even if the the Caps do not have any upcoming games against the Pens. Ole Teddy always writes in his blog about the Penguins, probably wishing he and his coaching staff were competent enough to NOT have early first round exits despite all their talent.

Don’t say that to Capitals fans, coach, or owner though. The Penguins are not in their heads. Not at all. No way. No chance. I mean, it is not like they would bring signs to games about the Penguins when they’re not playing the Penguins, right?

Listen Caps fans, us B’s fans can’t say a whole lot. Bruins haven’t won a Cup since before we were born. But beating the Penguins in a regular season game, or even the Winter Classic, doesn’t change the history of domination the Penguins have over you. There are 28 other teams in the league the Capitals have to worry about as well.

Lindy Ruff Wants Softer Tissue and Softer Tampax

It is no secret that Lindy Ruff cries. A lot. We make fun of him all the time for it here at Days of Y’Orr. We do it so much the jokes are probably getting old. So we’re going to do it again.

Ruff cries after every loss. The Sabres never just lose. It is always the refs fault. Or the other team was being cheap and dirty. Or it is Brett Hull’s fault. Wah wah wah wah wah wah. Always wiping away the tears and blowing his nose every time something doesn’t go the Sabres way makes his lil nose all tender and sore. So for Christmas, Ruff wishes someone would invite a super soft tissue.

But that is not all. Sometimes, at that special time of month, Ruff’s…. lady parts…. flow like the tears from his eyes when the referee calls an obvious tripping penalty against one of his players. Putting rough tampons in and out of his vag makes him all sore and more irritable. This Christmas, Ruff is also wishing for a soft tampon.

 

Patrick Kaleta Wants Some Courage

Patrick Kaleta is a pansy of epic proportions. He attacks people from behind. Starts stuff with much tougher players… after the refs are already between them. If players like Shawn Thornton or Milan Lucic are on the ice he’ll go after…. Brad Marchand. I bet he even picks on special needs kids.

Kaleta is basically a coward. He’s the worst kind of pest. He’ll start things he knows he can’t finish and then skate away or take runs at people who don’t even have the puck. And deep down he knows it. It is easier to skate away and pretend you’re a man. Keep up that illusion Kaleta old chap. Maybe for Christmas, someone will bring you some courage and you can finally really stand up to someone face to face.

 

Evgeni Nabokov Wants a Team

 

Mr. Nabokov fled to the KHL last season after the Sharks cut ties with him and no other NHL team would meet his price. But things didn’t work out in the KHL, and now he and his family are back in the United States and Evgeni is looking for a team!

We kind of hope he pulls a douche move a la Lebron James and holds a needless press conference and picks a team. He could dress like the Riddler with a big question mark on his chest and then cleverly reveal which team he chose. There’s a handful of NHL teams that should be interested in his services and we just hope Nabokov spices up his decision.

All he wants for Christmas is a new NHL team.

 

Quebec Wants the Thrashers and Thrashers Players Want Fans

The Atlanta Thrashers are one of the NHL’s best surprises this season. New coach, new influx of talent. Competing with the Capitals for the division lead. Fun team to watch. Yet, they still have trouble drawing fans. Dedicated Thrashers fans will tell you the attendance issues are exaggerated but the empty seats we see on TV don’t lie. 

Up north, Old Quebec No Diques fans want a team. Bad. They’ve been traveling to struggling NHL cities and clamoring for a team.

 

Let’s kill two birds with one stone (no pun intended)! If Atlanta players want fans to watch them and Quebec wants a new team, why don’t we give both parties what they want for Christmas and move the Thrashers to a city that would almost certainly show up to watch.

 

Philly Fans Want Other Teams’ Fans to be More “Classy”

Philly fans are just the epitomy of class. Last year during the playoffs they trashed a Montreal reporter’s car and stole his license plates.

Philly fans also are classy in the sense that they can take what they dish out without being petty or homophobic.

Flyers fans would never, ever grab an opposing fan from behind, choke him, and then gang up on him.

 

They would never chant “Crosby Sucks!” despite the fact that Crosby kills them every time and then get mad when other fan bases chant “Richards Sucks!” Nope. Definitely not.

We could go on and on. But we think you get the hint. By the way Flyers fans… we know you’re not too bright. So just to be clear, when we said you guys were being classy, we were being “sarcastic.” We’d tell you to look it up, but we know you can’t read.

Tuukka Rask Wants Some Help

Tuukka Rask has just two wins this season and is often in net when the Bruins decide they won’t want to play that night. The fact that Tim Thomas is a man on a mission and Rask doesn’t get many starts doesn’t really help either.

All Rask really wants for Christmas is to get a few starts where his teammates help him out. Otherwise the poor young chap is likely to go nuts. Help him out Bruins and give him a little defense.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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