Seguin’s How To Guide Part 2: Learning from your Teammates

Earlier this week, we brought you Part 1 of a three part series of “How To” guides the Bruins are giving Tyler Seguin in anticipation of his first NHL season.

Field reporter Patrice Purrgeron was able to obtain the documents and we bring him to you now live for part two!


The Bruins seem to be doing a great job with these guides and I’m surprised they never thought of this before. The second guide I obtained contains lessons from a few of Seguins teammates, all of them offering helpful tips and advice for the youngster.

After the jump, I bring Part 2 of Seguin’s How to Guides: Learning from your Teammates



Can I call you Segs? Now that you are prepared to deal with the Bruins fans and media, I thought we’d help get you better acquainted with your teammates.

We asked some of the boys to put together some helpful tips and lessons for you that they have learned over the course of their careers in Boston. This will help you to get to know them better and learn a few things before you hit the ice! Enjoy!

Talk to you soon,

GM Petey C.

P.S. How do you like my new hip hop name?

Chapter 1: Fashion Tips with Marc Savard

Hey umm… ummm… shit don’t remember your name. Damn concussions!

Ha! Just kidding, Tyler!

If you’re going to be a Bruin, you need to know how to dress. The key here is to pick clothes that make you look like a total douche even if you’re a nice guy.

Love you Marc but you look like a tool.

You disappoint us Marc.

Personally, I go with Ed Hardy (I’ll take you to the store when you get here). I try to find the most hideous, ridiculous, brightly colored shirts I can find and wear them everywhere.

Marc Savard visits the house next week on Jersey Shore!

I wear them to church. Funerals. In the locker room. Hell, even to a briss!

Don’t worry, if you meet a lady that doesn’t like these stupid idiotic shirts, just play the sensitive guy role and you’ll be all set!


Going home to write poetry in his journal…

Dress to impress and I guarantee you’ll score on the ice and with the ladies!!!

See you in September,

Marc Hardy

Chapter 2: Staying Motivated in the Regular Season with Michael Ryder

This seems about right.

Chapter 3: Building Strong Legs with Marco Sturm

Hey Tyler,

Peter Chiarelli here again.

Marco was going to give you some tips on keeping your legs healthy and strong but he blew out his knee while eating a sandwich. Sorry Segs.

That’s right Flair, you yell “Score!” instead you son of a bitch.

Chapter 4: English Lessons from David Krejci

Good ah, day Tyler, ah.

Team sure, ah, ah, fell apart wit-out me in the, ah, playoffs yah?

To mesh wit, ah, the team this year, ah, you’ll need to master, ah, English. Interviews, on ice communication, ah… all very important, yah?

We love you, Krejci.

I am, ah, not sure what language you, ah, speak up there in Canada, ah. I, ah, practice English daily, yah.

Ah, yah you should, ah, say ah and yeah, ah, a lot. Looks good. Interviews will, ah, go smooth. Ve can, ah, work on that, ah, when you come, yah? Hopefully I can, ah, understand you.

Adios ah, as they say, yah?


Chapter 5: Anger Management with Tim Thomas and Tuukka Rask

Hey Tyler,

Tim here. An NHL season is very stressful. There will no doubt be a lot of situations that make you angry and you’re going to want to punch a reporter in the face or hit an opponent with a chair WWE style.

So me and Tuukka are here to help you master the art of being Zen.

Tim if you’re reading this, we promise this wasn’t a fat joke.

Just stick with us and our simple techniques and nothing will bother you. The stories you’ve heard about me and Tuukka are a bit… exaggerated. Staying calm, cool and collected on the ice is very important. Okay, so maybe one time in practice I let up a goal and got a little angry. But I simply counted to ten and calmed myself down and did a little meditation!

This city was out of cheeseburgers.

Hey Ty. Tuukka here. That is one thing Timmy has really helped me with. Like this one time down in Providence, some ref ruled a clearly invalid shootout goal as valid. And while I was tempted to toss milk crates and sticks on the ice, I simply waited by the refs car and politely expressed my differing opinion about the call.Talking things through really helps, on and off the ice.

We can totally see this happening. If fact, we hope it does…

Just remember to stay calm and not let the little things bother you and you’ll do fine. Also, don’t spell my name wrong. Seriously.

See you soon.


Tim and tUUKKa.

Chapter 6: Living up to Expectations with Blake Wheeler

Hey Tyler,

You’ll soon discover this is a harsh town, especially if you don’t quite live up to the expectations. I wasn’t as hyped as you, but I was a top 10 pick in my draft!

Like 90% of the league, I had no desire to play in Phoenix and when their rights to me expired I got my ass to Boston! Fans were excited because of my draft position and potential.

Now, they boo on the RARE occasions I go offsides and write articles about how much I suck. Those dicks at Days of Y’Orr have been particularly harsh. Whatever, I’m a hockey-playing millionaire and they’re watching from the nosebleeds paying my salary.

The important thing is to not let it get you down. Like me, you’re young and have plenty of time to develop and prove people wrong. You just need to ignore the obnoxious boos and insults from the crowd and just know that you’re better than them! It never bothers me….

He’s not crying. It’s just be raining…. on his face….

No matter what happens, just pretend they don’t bother you when you go through a rough patch. I’m always here to listen if you need someone to cry with… umm… I mean talk to!



Chapter 7: Poetry and the Fine Arts Milan Lucic and Shawn Thornton


Shawn here. We met at that Sox game. Yeah I know, baseball sucks. We’ll have more fun when the hockey season starts.

Me and Milan are often seen as nothing more than vicious brutes. That hurts our feelings. Hurts our feelings when they call us brutes.

But anyway, there is more to us, and hockey, than simply hitting people and punching in faces. You also need to enjoy the finer things in life. Right Looch?

That’s right, Shawn, aka the third greatest NHL player of all time. You see, Tyler — me and Thorty like to explore our softer side as well. We like to read poetry, go to museums and just sit under a tree and enjoy a nice sunny day.

Ladies swoon for Thornton the poet.

Myself and Shawn are not afraid of our sensitive side. We even like to act out scenes from Shakespeare in our spare time! For example!

We would pay good money to see this…

Hark Shawn! Thou has seen the villianous strike of mine sworn enemy onst our most vulnerable teammate!

Ay Milan, I willst saunter over and thusly pummel yonder foul swine ’til he be but a bloody pulp!

How did you like that? You can join us when you get here if you want. It really helps to have hobbies outside of hockey so you do not get burned out and being cultured certainly doesn’t hurt!

See you soon little man,

The real Bash Brothers


I’m sure Tyler learned quite a bit from all of that. In our final installment, a few Bruins “Legends” took time out of their busy schedules to give Tyler a lesson in Bruins history and tradition.

Until next time, this is Patrice Purrgeron signing off!


About Trashboy Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.