This is why we hate the off-season…

We feel this guy’s pain…

Mr. Random Rumor generator, what you’ve just said… is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

The off-season sucks. Not only because hockey is gone until October. Not just because we won’t get to see Boychuk crush souls for months. Not just because bandwagon Red Sox fans who temporarily became bandwagon Bruins fans are now back on the Red Sox bandwagon and calling the Bruins the worst team in history. But mostly because of the terrible, awful, I’d rather put glass rods in my urethra rumors and trade proposal ideas we have to deal with. Some are amusing. Some are a stretch, but you could kind of see how it would work and get behind the idea. But then some are so atrocious you wonder if the person talking about it is legally retarded. Or Eklund. Or if they’ve ever even watched hockey. These crazy, insane, completely irrational and absolutely stupid ideas go anywhere from the Bruins trading Ryder to the Penguins for Malkin to the Bruins trading the second overall pick to Carolina for a package centered on Chad LaRose. Yes, Chad LaRose. Wrap your head around that one.

We seriously heard someone suggest this…..

We don’t remember what radio program we were listening to at the time. We punched our radio and it broke. Days Of Y’Orr budget department still refuses to give us money for a new one. But some caller seriously proposed that the Bruins call up Ray Shero in Pittsburgh and offer Michael Ryder and a pick for Evgeni Malkin. Let that sink in for a second. One of the top 3 centers in the game today for an overpaid, under-performing winger and a pick? A guy who has won a scoring title, a Conn Smythe and a Stanley Cup… for a guy who won an award for “Ginger Most Likely to Be Booed at a Major Sporting Event”? I know we give Peter Chiarelli crap here sometimes, but he should be insulted that a person would actually think he’d be dumb enough to call and make that offer. We image the call would go something like this:


Peter calls Ray…..


Ray reacts like you assume he would.

Ray Shero would then fax the following picture to Chiarelli and say “No thanks, Malkin got me this!”


That caller was an idiot.

Hopefully the guy that suggested that is sterile and can’t breed. Then another rumor started circulating. “Sources” were saying that the Bruins and Senators were discussing a trade that would send Jason Spezza to the Bruins for the 2nd overall pick. This seems to have stemmed from that idiot Eklund over at Hockeybuzz. Won’t even link to him because he doesn’t deserve the three extra hits he’ll get. So essentially the Bruins would be acquiring a center with no defensive game, into Juilen’s defensive system, and another player who has no heart or desire to win. Exactly what they need!!!!! Wow! So in this scenario the Bruins could either draft a potential franchise player… or trade that pick away for Jason Spezza, a guy who plays when he feels like it. Yeah. Great idea. The fact that people even believe something like this could happen says a lot about the intelligence of the general public. Spezza is so soft he’d make Blake Wheeler look tough. Don’t give us his point totals. He’s soft and lazy. This trade idea is insane.


But a fraction of the price!

Not to mention the Bruins are already in salary cap trouble. So they could trade for Spezza and add his $7 million cap hit along with his poor defensive game, ooooooooooooooor they could draft whoever Edmonton doesn’t and pay roughly $900,000 on an entry level contract for what projects to be a fantastic player either way. Gee, I wonder what the better option is. Then again… when you look at some of the trades Atlanta has made in recent years, you start getting real nervous that something like this actually might happen… Next, we move on to the completely idiotic notion that the Bruins will trade the #2 pick because apparently the Oilers are definitely taking Hall, which would leave the Bruins with Seguin. Seguin, as you know, is a center. The Bruins already have Savard, Bergeron and Krejci so clearly they should trade that pick away! Wait… what? Again, trade away a potential franchise player because he plays a position you already have an abundance of? Seguin could be that franchise player the Bruins lack, and they should considering trading him?

Seguin is obviously a smart choice for any team, but critics are speculating Boston may trade the pick due to the amount of centers already on the team. Marc Savard, Patrice Bergeron, and David Krejci are already signed on for next season, and it is expected that restricted free-agent Vladimir Sobotka will be re-signed.

Critics, or inbred hicks? One of the dumbest theories we’ve ever heard. Speaking of inbred hicks, one Carolina fan thinks the Bruins should trade the #2 pick for a package centered on Chad LaRose. I get dumber every time I read that.

With Marc Recchi on a severe down-slope and probably at the end of his career this summer, and Miroslav Satan becoming a UFA on July 1st and being perhaps too old to re-sign, the Bruins appear to have a shortage of right wingers. A deal sending LaRose and the ‘Canes seventh overall choice along with one of the second round picks or an almost-NHL-ready prospect like Jiri Tlusty or Patrick Dwyer (or even perhaps several of those) may be enough to acquire the second overall pick.

Is it just us? Sure, Hall/Seguin could ultimately turn out to be flops in the NHL. You never know. But to think this is a good idea, especially considering all the other picks the Bruins have, is moronic. At least to us. Maybe we’re overvaluing this pick here. But come on. Plus LaRose likes to hug when he fights. And we remember him being pretty cheap in that Pittsburgh series last year and then running away like he was Hartnell. He’d be a better fit on the Flyers.


Screw LaRose.

We could go on forever with all the dumbass rumors we’ve heard. They’re terrible. We can’t wait until next Friday is over and most  of this shit gets put to bed. In the mean time, put down your copy of NHL 10. Trades you  make in GM mode wouldn’t actually happen in real life.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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