Well, it’s been four days since the Flyers-Bruins series wrapped up, and we’re still sadder than a young girl locked in a room with Lawrence Taylor, Ben Roethlisberger and a box of condoms.
Today is the worst day of the hockey year. This day doesn’t always happen on the same day every year. Depends on when your team chokes. This day is made even harder because of how the Bruins went out. Flyers fans and Habs fans are all over us. But really, how do we respond? Tell them they suck? Right. The Bruins are cleaning out their lockers today and going home for the summer. Some of them will be back. Some of them won’t. Unfortunately, Andrew Ference will most likely still be here. But today is that day that just slaps you in the face to remind you the Bruins season is done. No more trips to the TD Garden. No more wondering if Jack Edwards is on crack when he says something incredibly insane on air. Now begins the time of worry. The time we fret over our favorite pending unrestricted free agents and restricted free agents. How much will that awful, awful Ference deal screw the Bruins? Will Stuart get a new deal under $10 million per year from Chiarelli? Will Johnny Boychuk continue to destroy souls in a Bruins uniform? Will Chiarelli sign a free agent to 3x what they are worth? Looking at the players faces brings a tear to your eye. Their once fantastic playoff beards are now replaced by skin so smooth it makes Danny Briere hard in the pants. There’s nothing sadder than a cleanly shaven hockey player in May.
You turn on the TV and see Montreal vs Philadelphia and you puke. You wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. The nightmares of a the Bruins blowing a 3-0 series lead jolt you out of a sound sleep. You piss your bed, but find solace in the fact that there’s no way the Bruins would ever….. oh wait. After the jump, more sadness and some reports from the Bruins locker room: Yup. The season is over. We’ll still watch some hockey. We’ll follow the Memorial Cup and drool over Taylor Hall and look towards June. We’ll tune into the Hawks-Sharks series to see Kane’s mullet flowing in the air as he skates and punches 60 year old men in the front row. We’ll silently root for ex-Bruin Joe Thornton but also wait for him to choke. We’ll eventually bring ourselves to watch the Eastern Conference Finals and feel dirty as we secretly root for the Habs. Carcillo and Hartnell don’t deserve to have their names on Lord Stanley’s Cup. We’ll openly root for Carcillo to get hit in a “tragic” Zamboni accident. We’ll hop on every message board to read crazy trade scenarios involving the Bruins. Some you’d love, but don’t think the management staff is crafty enough to make (like acquiring Patrick Sharp). We’ll lose faith in humanity as we read the incredibly stupid ones like trading Wideman, Ryder and Wheeler for Evgeni Malkin. Some people are honestly stupid enough to think the Penguins would take this deal. You’ll punch your friend in the arm out of anger. He’ll say something about your mother in return. These are dark times for fans of teams no longer playing. But we’ll get by. Mr. Jack Daniels will see to that. Awkward moment in the Bruins locker room today when Blake Wheeler walked in with his sticks and pads, talking about how pumped he was that the playoffs were starting and wondering why his teammates were packing up with sad looks on their faces. He then went to his locker, unpacked and entertained the media with magic tricks.
Blake Wheeler hasn’t been playing hockey since March anyway, so the adjustment will be easier for him than others.
Some players have already scheduled tee times. The great Shawn Thornton refused to believe his season was over, and was seen throwing vicious body checks on the golf course.
You’ll grow to hate Celtics fans. Everyone is suddenly on their band wagon and bragging about how they’re still in the playoffs. We don’t even watch basketball at Days of Y’Orr and even we can name more bench players on the Celtics than most of these assholes laughing at the Bruins.
But then you remember how bad of a choke job the Bruins were and you get from Hulk like rage to little girl, just dropped her ice cream and skinned her knee sadness.
Chiarelli’s end of the season press conference didn’t make you feel any better. We need to make a change blah blah blah. Stuff we’ve been hearing forever. You hear him talk and can’t help but agree with that crowd that says Hall/Seguin is getting shipped out of town in a few years if they live up to the hype and want to get paid.
Meanwhile, guys like Ference are making $2.25 million and Ryder is making $4 million. Way to go Bruins management/talent scouts. Wouldn’t be surprised if they drafted Alex Daigle with the 2nd pick.
Sorry. We’re still angry. We’ll make up with Chiarelli someday.
We’ll have our end of the season reviews later this week. Thoughts on management. Thoughts on the leadership issue in the locker room. As if you care. But ask Andy Sutton. We’re experts.
Others have chimed in about the Bruins demise, or crazyness of their own fan bases.
Down Goes Brown, a Maple Leafs blog, provides some humorous reasons as to why the Bruins failed.
Puck Daddy continues their playoff eulogies with the Bruins edition.
The Pensblog highlights how stupid fans and media can get when expectations aren’t met. Guess writers and band wagon fans in Pittsburgh forgot they made two consecutive Finals. And I thought we had it bad.
James Murphy of NESN discusses the Bruins pending unrestricted free agents.