11. Help Us Based God: Ottawa Senators @ Boston Bruins

bruins sens
Jesus fucking Christ. Who would’ve thought that we’d be sitting here praying for a win over the Senators? THE SENATORS! What are your feelings on this Jame Van Der Beek?

james

I couldn’t agree more pal. Do you know want to know how fucked up the NHL is right now? The Toronto Maple Leafs are leading the Northeast Division. The Senators are second in said division. The madness isn’t just contained to the Northeast Division. The Panthers are second in the Southeast Division (The PANTHERS!), the Oilers are leading the Northwest Division and the Ducks are last in the Pacific. Also, the defending Stanley Cup Champions that lost 4 players in the offseason (3 unless Shane Hnidy actually counts) and returned its solid core of players…is in last in the East!

WHAT?

To make matters worse, there were people (myself included) that want the Bruins to take a flier on Sean Avery. Thoughts James?

ohno

You’re right James. What the fuck are we thinking? That’s how desperate this fanbase is for something to happen with this team. The “product” on the ice has been less than stellar. If this hockey team was milk, it’d be about a month out of date and poured down the drain. I feel like I should make a holiday pun, so here it goes. In my best Jack Edwards impression:

The Bruins have ended October with more tricks than treats, but hope is restored as November rolls around hoping that this team is more than just a bunch of turkeys. Like the Pilgrims leaving England, this Bruins team will venture out into the unknown and try to make anew, not allowing themselves to get stuffed like a bunch of birds. With emotion, hard work and the drive to win this black and gold squad hopes to enjoy a thankful feast of wins before the decorative lights of the Winter Classic begin the second half of the season. It’s with this hard work that the Bruins will be rewards with nicely wrapped victories and not just a lump of coal in their Stanley Cup embroidered stockings.

How’d I do?

Anyways, after dominating the Maple Leafs, the Bruins came out and stunk it up (twice) against the Canadiens. I don’t even know what to say anymore. It’s pathetic and the Senators are on fire going 7-3 in their last 10 games. Boston in their last 10: 3-7. Unbelievable if you think about the talent on this team. Nathan Horton is still missing. I hope he comes home soon or I’ll have to go spoon with Tammy. In that case, stay wherever you are.

After the jump, more of today’s preview…


GDB
These Bruins man. They’re driving me to drink more than usual (which is surprising because I do enjoy a frosty pop on the reg). Saturday night was a delicious mix of Narragansett and Guinness in hopes that the Bruins would play some inspired hockey. Well guess what? They didn’t. Instead they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. So tonight my friends, we punish our livers like we punish our spirit by watching this team play. Tonight we’re drinking a real beer. A man’s beer. A beer that will continually stand the test of time. I must warn you, this is not for the weak at heart. No, no! Tonight we drown ourselves in a disgusting malty beverage that can only be compared to the David Krejci’s play of beers. Tonight, friends, we delve into:

cobra 40s
Oh yeah, King Cobra 40s! Tape these bad boys to your hands, play “40 oz to freedom”* or “Edward 40 Hands” and get ready to watch another shitty hockey game!

*don’t ever play 40 oz to freedom or Edward 40 hands



Project Roster

Milan Lucic-David Krejci-Nathan Horton
Brad Marchand-Patrice Bergeron-Tyler Seguin
Jordan Caron-Chris Kelly-Rich Peverley
Daniel Paille-Gregory Campbell-Shawn Thornton

Zdeno Chara-Johnny Boychuk
Dennis Seidenberg-Joe Corvo
Andrew Ference-Adam McQuaid

Tim Thomas
Tuukka Rask



Media

TV: NESN
Radio: 98.5 The Sports Hub

BBOLF



Game Day Video Photo

Chuck on posted this picture on the Days of Y’Orr Facebook page. Since the Bruins aren’t fun, let’s send you out on a high note. Hey Chuck, thanks again bud.

halloween

TIME TO GO!

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