Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Bergeron took this game over early and never let up. It was ridiculous. Ottawa was completely outclassed from start to finish. Can’t be long before they fire their coach. Or just shut down for the season. Bruins did what they needed to do… Ottawa is terrible and the Bruins came out and ruined their shit. Full effort from top to bottom for the Bruins.
Bergeron making a strong case for Non Tim Thomas team MVP lately. He’s raised his game when the team needed him most. Common theme with Bergeron. What more can you ask?
Mark Recchi passed Ray Bourque on the all time games played list tonight. Not even sure the dead ages. Go Recchi.
After the jump, Bergeron, Marchand and Tim Thomas bend Ottawa over and have their way…….
– Best part about playing teams from Canada is hearing Rene Rancourt sing two anthems. He’s a teen heart throb.
– Horton gets his first shot of the game…. but goes wide. We’re going to take the young chap to target practice.
– McQuaid back tonight too after the Bruins found out Bartkowski tried to fix the game for Pittsburgh last night. BECAUSE HE’S FROM PITTSBURGH!
– There’s been like 30 whistles in the first two minutes of the game. Hurry up Bruins we have to get out of here the STORM OF THE CENTURY IS COMING!
– Marchand skates in and snows Elliott after a whistle. What won’t he do?!?! Marchand is MVP. Most Valuable Pest.
– Oh man. Look at that. Senators with an awful turnover because Marchand is awesome. Bergeron smells blood and bounces. Elliott still has snow in his eyes. Boom. Goal. 1-0.
– Bruins and Senators playing hot potato with the puck. No one wants it.
– Chara tries to catch Elliott off guard and fires one from behind the blueline but much to the surprise of Sens fans Elliott makes a save.
– Marchand has underrated speed. He produces great chances off the rush.
– Forgot how much we hate Chris Neil. Please let Boychuk break his face.
– McQuaid sends a bomb but misses barely wide. Bruins pressuring hard.
– Oh boy. Elliott is gonna write about this night in his journal. Wheeler hanging out in the crease like he’s Mark Recchi and taps home a tip pass. 2-0 Bruins. We’re told Jack Edwards call it a “distinct sticking motion” while the goal was under review.
– Bruins screening in front a lot tonight. Who would’ve thought that would be a good idea, Kampfer sees the screens shot launches one at Elliott but Elliott sees it. Boo.
– Thornton goes for a tip in front but it goes just over the net. He wants in on this goal scoring party.
– Just saw Thomas making snow angels. He’s that bored down in his end.
– Seguin and Wheeler trying to hook up like its a college party but some Senator just barely gets a stick on it.
– Thomas finally sees another shot and parties like its 1999.
– Bruins getting chances by the barrel full. Elliott is going to hate his team soon. If he doesn’t already.
– It takes two Senators holding Shawn Thornton just to slow him down. Can’t keep Thornton down forever.
– It ain’t all sunshine and rainbows tonight. Bruins having a lot of trouble in their own zone once Ottawa gets settled in. Thomas suddenly having to make a few big stops
– Carkner sends Seguin down to the ice and while Seguin’s falling his stick bashes Carkner in the face. Carkner pretends he got shot and goes down like the Senators in the standings. Penalty kill time.
– Thomas tying one hand behind his back on this penalty kill to give the Sens a chance. Oh wait, we forgot some douche bag told us Thomas sucks. If only the Bruins could get a Vezina winning goalie.
– Penalty killed. Bruins go to the lockerroom enjoying their two goal lead. Hopefully they keep it up. Ottawa picked up their game a bit towards the end of the period.
– PA people playing some atrocious music tonight. Not that they generally play good music but seriously. Almost as bad as listening to Lindy Ruff cry about nothing.
– Early scramble in front of the Ottawa net as Elliot riverdances to keep the puck out. Open net but too many sticks on the dance floor. Faceoff time.
– McQuaid goes to the box for making Ryan Shannon look like a little bitch. Penalty kill time.
– Scary moment when Thomas gets antsy and dives out of the net after a puck and misses, but Bruins clear.
– Holy balls. As the penalty winds down Bergeron creates a turnover at the Bruins blueline and skates down on a two on one with Wheeler. Bergeron takes some Ottawa defenders to school. Second goal of the night. 3-0. Bergeron is on fire.
– Ottawa apparently upset about how much they suck. Horton and Jesse Winchester have words after a whistle. Winchester shoves Horton. Horton says hey fuck you, 18 is my number, and they exchanges a few fists before falling down. Refs pull them up and they continue to talk smack. We think mothers were involved. Winchester should know there is only one way to kill Horton…
– Play resumes and Ference goes high on Jim O’Brien and knocks his helmet off. Ference gets set to the box for roughing. Jim O’Brien should’ve got to the box for not having his chin strapped secure.
– Penalty kill barely 10 seconds old and Thomas is flashing the glove like he’s Michael Jackson.
– Gonchar hits a post. Phew. That was a close one. Gonchar is like -70 this season. Just a little fun fact for you.
– Bruins goes down the other end and almost embarass Elliott again. Close but no cigar.
– Off the faceoff Seguin takes a quick slapper but Elliott saves again. Break him!!!
– TV tiimeout. Bruins playing some rave music. We were gonna break out some glowsticks but we left them in our other pants.
– Bergeron has his stick knocked out of his hands but no call. Bull. Apparently the Senators realized he is a one man wrecking crew.
– Senators apparently don’t know turnovers are bad. What an awful, awful team.
– Chris Neil trying to start shit with Tyler Seguin. Wow. What a giant pansy.
– Boychuk’s lack of goal scoring isn’t for lack of effort. He places some great shots on net. He’ll get one soon.
– Two Ottawa players try to check Boychuk in the corner and both go down. Boychuk loses his stick, but not the battle.
– Savard comes thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to making it a four goal lead but his tip hits the post.
– We come back from a TV time out and head into the Ottawa zone. Thornton decides to take on the bigger Matt Carkner. What a fight. Jebus. Carkner is a douche.
– Sens coming back with some good chances but Tim Thomas craps in their mouth and makes saves.
– Bruins blocking shots like its nothing while Senators take cheap shots and obvious penalties. Refs must feel bad that the Senators suck so much because they ain’t calling anything.
– Alfredsson comes in and hits another post for Ottawa. Maybe we should stop making fun of them. Umm…. nah. Go F yourself Ottawa. Alfredsson has to be at least 2000 years old.
– Someone chain Thomas to the net. He comes out and and misses the puck and Sens almost get an easy goal.
– Marchand uses his speed to fly into the Senators zone and tries to pass towards Bergeron. The puck goes in off someone. 4-0. Jesus Bruins. Senators should press molestation charges.
– Some confusion as to whether it is Marchand’s goal or if Berg gets the hat trick. Hats cover the ice anyway. Goal is announced as Berg’s but texts from friends say it was clearly Marchand’s goal from the TV view.
– We get the official update… shot deflected off of Gonchar. Its Marchand’s goal.
– As soon as we solve the mystery Tyler Seguin says bitch please you ain’t the only good rookie around here. Seguin rips one glove side on Ellliot. 5-0 Bruins. Ottawa calls a time out to hang themselves.
– Ottawa must really hate their backup. Elliott still in the net.
– Chris Neil takes a whack at Thomas’ glove after the whistle and McQuaid comes over to discuss it. Neil realizes McQuaid is not smaller than him and decides not to fight.
– Marchand and Bergeron have more chemistry than the Bill Nye the Science Guy show.
– Zack Smith and McQuaid have words but the refs save Smith’s face from getting a super punch.
– Chris Neil tries to check Boychuk but Boychuk doesn’t notice and leaves to get a snowcone. Period over.
– That Steven Tyler motorcycle commercial makes us want to punch Steven right in the face but we’re against hitting women here at Days of Y’Orr. Especially ones that look like they’d fall apart if you hit them hard enough.
– According the music tonight there is in fact a Disco Inferno at the TD Garden tonight.
– Sens put Mike Brodeur in net. Good for them.
– Horton gets a good chance but can’t bury it. Him and Savard struggling to bury the puck.
– Horton and Savard with another nice set up but Brodeur makes the save.
– Brodeur sets an Ottawa record by going more than 3 minutes without letting up a goal.
– Oh we totally jinxed him. Bergeron decided he really wanted to get his first career hat trick. Snipe from the circle. 6-0 Bruins. Bergeron’s “second” hat trick of the night!!!! Bergeron is the Mad Hatter.
– Crowd now doing the wave instead of paying attention to the game. Apparently we’re at Fenway. Ooooooooooooo baseball burn. But seriously die in a fire.
– Bruins on the powerplay. No idea why. We were busy taunting people about doing the wave.
– Fourth line getting powerplay duty. Awesome. We love it. Do it all the time.
– Boychuk sends a bomb but barely misses, which is good because it would’ve killed Brodeur.
– Ottawa pressing but Thomas takes them down to Poke Check City.
– Seidenberg with a fantastic slap pass to Campbell but Brodeur makes the save. Damn you.
– Lets see if we can jinx Brodeur again. Oh man, he’s totally setting an Ottawa record by going two minutes without allowing a goal!
– So now Carkner decides to rumble with itty bitty Paille. He learning shit from Chris Neil? Carkner totally jumped Paille and then Paille punched him repeatedly in the face. Go fuck yourself Carkner. Bruins get a powerplay out of the whole thing. Must be a theme for Ottawa’s “tough guys”. Just fight guys smaller than you.
– Brodeur down in the net but Horton can’t get a shot off in the crease. He might break stuff after this game.
– Fisher takes a penalty as the other one expires. Ottawa you suck. Seriously. You’re so terrible.
– If you’re an Ottawa fan, how do you bring yourself to pay to see them? They’ve obviously quit. Painful.
– Timing winding down…. Thomas pitching the shut out. Coooooooooooooome on. Don’t give us that two posts shit. They didn’t go in.
– Thats it. Game over. Senators get all pissy with Boychuk after the whistle. They’ve been taking whiny pansy lessons from Chris Neil.
– Thomas with another shutout. Ottawa is so terrible. Bergeron owns bitches. Marchand is Ottawa’s mouth all night. See you Thursday Flyers.