Bruins BEATDOWN cowardly Habs. Bruins Win!



That is what we’ve been waiting for. The first three games against the Canadiens this season the Bruins were flat. Lifeless. Defeated. The rivalry had fizzled a bit. Tonight was wildy different.

182 penalty minutes were assessed. There were multiple line brawls. The Canadiens were up to their typical tactics…. cheap shots, running away when the refs weren’t around, diving. And the Bruins made them boy. Oh boy did they make them pay.


Neither team played good defense. Neither team got good goaltending. Both teams tried to make a statement. Only the Bruins succeeded. This is their division. Montreal came into the TD Garden and tried to cheapshot their way to victory. They left bloody and battered, stripped of their pride. Embarassed. 

This was the spark we’ve all been waiting for against the hated Habs. Two points on the line. The Habs just two points back. The Bruins weren’t perfect. Far from it. But they got the job done when it matter. They beat Montreal on the scoreboard and then beat their faces in. Luckily for us, these two teams meet two more times this season. Hopefully they don’t have short memories.

After the jump, we went to a fight and a hockey game broke out……..

firstperiod
- At the TD Garden. F the Habs man. Time to Go!

- YES! DOUBLE DOSE OF RENE! 

- Rene gave a double fistpump. Bruins are undefeated on nights he gives a double fistpump.

- We’re not sure if that is a real stat, but it should be.

- Bergeron with a golden chance in front but his damn stick broke. Stupid sticks!

- Jumbotron comparing Thomas and Price. Thomas is a god in net and Price is a douche. There we did our comparison.


- Caron’s first shift…. right in Carey Price’s mouth. Love this kid.

- Thomas just made a save so awesome that every lady in the first three rows got pregnant.

- Subban pushes Seidenberg for no reason. He’s just a douchebag. Boychuk gets up in his face. Hope Boychuk ends him. Refs save Subban’s life.


- Thornton tries to get something going with Darche but Darche knows he’ll get his ass kicked and declines. 

- Subban is such a cheap bitch. Pushing Horton from behind. So Horton pushed Subban’s face into the ice. 


- Thorton goes after that bitch Subban but he hides behind Hal Gill. You can’t hide forever kid.


- Pacioretty with an Oscar worth act as his dives. Refs didn’t buy it. No call. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

- Marchand sends Hamrlik into the boards and Hamrlik stays down for a few. Hope Subban is next.

- Lucic gets hit with a slapshot and heads to the bench. He’s probably fine. He’s a hockey player.

- Bruins getting tip happy in front of Price but everything is going wide. Price’s douche aura must be blocking everything.


- Caron may have just hit a post. Fucking love this kid. He will destroy you.

- After a fantastic shift by the Thornton-Campbell-Caron line, The Berg Line steps on the ice to fuck your shit up.

- Doesn’t take long. Recchi with a drop pass to Berg, Berg to Marchand, Marchand fakes out Douchey Price…. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!! 1-0 Bruins. Go fuck yourself Montreal.


- Before you’re even done editing Montreal’s Wikipedia and crowing them the douche capital of the world, Seidenberg SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORES! Eat it Montreal. 2-0 Bruins. SCORE!

- Lucic and Moen try to dance off the faceoff as Moen realizes his hasn’t been enough of a douche. No fight and both sent to the box. Four on four action.

- Recchi with a couple nice hits on Subban. Teaching the kid who’s boss. Go back to South Park Subban.


- And the dumbass Habs take another penalty. Gomez goes to the box. Two minutes: Being awful.

- Time to see the new powerplay units. We’re excited. More excited that Carey Price at a middle school dance. Guy looks like a date rapist.

- Bergeron with a wide open slapshot but his stick breaks. Again. Someone dip his sticks in metal.

- Gionta picks on Marchand, the only guy on the ice smaller than him. Gionta sucks. He couldn’t even beat up Patrick Kaleta. Good pressure for awhile on the powerplay but nothing going. Good stuff though.

- Subban hits Horton again in front of the net and Horton stops. Pushes Subban to the ice and hits him in the face. Normally we don’t approve of that sort of shit but Subban couldn’t possilby be a bigger piece of shit. Hope Horton broke his face.


- Bruins with a fantastic chance but Horton shoots the puck right into price. Probably should’ve been a goal.

- Marchand storms in on Price like a beast and ALMOST scores again. Marchand in your mouth bitches.

- Pacioretty with one of the most obvious interference penalties of the season. Quit your belly aching douche bag. You know you did it.

- Subban is the new Mike Komisarek. Price cross checks Lucic outside the crease. The Canadiens all jump him like cowards. Lucic gets up and pushes that asshole Carey Price. As soon as the refs have Lucic tied up, Subban acts tough. What a fucking coward. Period over.


- Price gets called for roughing, Lucic gets a double minor for roughing, Asshole Moen gets a misconduct and Subban somehow gets nothing. Hope he gets a Thornton knuckle sandwich.

secondperiod
- Here we go. Looch in the box because the Habs are cheap cowardly pansies. Welcome to Montreal: Douche Capital of the World

- Terrible start to the period. Rebound goes off Thomas, Thomas loses his footing and no one picks up Gionta sitting there. 2-1. Boooooooooooo.

- Someone took the pep out of the Bruins between periods. They just watched again as Montreal strolled to Thomas.

- Bergeron is a mother fucking superhero. Saving bitches on the penalty kill.


- Thomas….we love you…. you’re awesome at stopping pucks. But we shit ourselves 90% of the time you try to handle the puck behind the net. Couple of closes calls this period.

- Bruins are a mess since that Habs goal. Pick up the pace!

- Is it a rule that if you play for the Canadiens you have to be at least an 8 on a 1-10 scale of douche baggery?


- Horton gets called for hooking. Carey Price got two minutes for being a hooker. Bruins on the PK.

- Marchand sends Subban to the ice and it was awesome. Then Caron tried to kill him but just missed. Have we mentioned we love Caron?

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Subban with a slapshot that gets redirected past Thomas. 2-2. Bruins doing their best Titanic impression.

- Then McQuaid patches that shit up. Bruins with some great pressure in front of Price. Scramble for the puck. McQuaid in the slot. Shot….. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL. Adam McBadass. Bruins back on top. 3-2. Nice response boys.


- Subban goes for a hit on Marchand and Marchand ducks as Subban goes down. Subban suuuuuuuuuuuuucks, ha. Go f yourself you piece of shit.

- Bruins hate playing defense. Not even sure Thomas saw the shot. Tied again. 3-3. Don’t even care who scored. Subban is still a huge turd.

- Holy shit. This is a game of anything you can do I can do better…. Bruins head into the Montreal zone… Hamill races after the puck and gets it to Ryder…. Ryder dekes the shit out of Price and the Bruins are back on top. 4-3. Balls. What a game.

- SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! PA Announcer dude is in the middle of annoucing Montreal’s third goal…. Horton with a weak shot…. but Lucic is there to pick up the trash. Beats Price. 5-3 Bruins.

 
- Soon after the faceoff a brawl breaks out when a cowardly Hab tries for a head shot. Fucking bodies everywhere. Players pairing off. Punches thrown everywhere.

- Price gets involved acting tough…. then Tim fucking Thomas skates down… the gloves are off….


…but Thomas slips, ha.


- Price suddenly isn’t acting like such a douchebag though. He knows Thomas would fucking KILL him. Refs try to sort out the mess. Montreal sucks more than a five dollar hooker on a Friday night.




- We fucking fucking B-A-N-A-N-A-S when Thomas started skating down the ice. Price should thank whatever god he believes in that Thomas slipped because Thomas would’ve bathed in his blood.


- Thomas and Price get all buddy buddy after the fight. Thomas laughing about the fall. Price laughing because he’s still alive.


- Standing room only in the penalty box. Literally.


- Bruins on the PK when we finally resume play. 11 seconds into the powerplay, Thomas lets in a weak one. 5-4. PK not doing so hot tonight.

- Boychuk ruins Kostitsyn in the corner. Niiiiiiiiice.

- Few good chances by the B’s but nothing going. Crowd still buzzing from the line brawl. 

- And the two goal lead is back bitches! Lucic with the long shot and he beats Price as Horton rubs his balls in Price’s face! SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE BITCHES! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH! Suck it Montreal.


- Thomas just made roughly 13 saves in a row. Only a slight exaggeration.

- Hamill with some great patience as a Habs player dove to try to block the puck and then Hamill almost banked in the net.

- Bruins going after Subban every time he’s on the ice. Good. Hope they end his night.

- Weeeeeeeeeak fucking call on Kampfer for cross checking. What a joke. Oh well.

- Thomas making some HUGE saves on this PK. Pacioretty goes to the bench because he sucks. Thomas continues to be awesome.

- Some words after the whistle but nothing happens. What a period. Jesus. 6-4 Bruins after two.

thirdperiod
- Plekanec with some post whistle pushing to start the third. Guess he wants his ass kicked.

- Chara DESTROYED James Wisniewski in the corner. Hard to make rude gestures when you’re eating ice.


- Subban holds Thornton’s stick and a quick jab to the chest by Thornton teaches Subban that is a terrible idea.

- Bergeron line was on the ice for about .2 seconds before they almost scored. How can you not love that line?

- Pyatt tries to check Seidenberg. Seidenberg just laughed and tossed him aside.

- Bruins getting super lazy. Think they forgot what happend earlier in the game when they had a two goal lead.

- Kampfer walked up to Gionta and was all like…. hey remember when you tried to pick on someone small? Eat this! And he pushed Gionta to the ice.

- Plekanec with a dive. Montreal’s special. Bruins on the PK again.

- And again that didn’t take long. Awful, awful defense on the PK tonight and Thomas is surprisingly human. 6-5. F.

- Wow Montreal you are idiots. Deshamais with an obvious interference call on Hamill. Now Bruins on the powerplay. Do something.

- BRUINS SCORE! Ryder with a sweet ass goal ….. wait. Nope. Getting waived off. Marchand crashed into Price. Looks like the goal was in before that even happened from our view. We’ll resist spewing venom until we see a better view. Still, F you.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Five seconds left on the powerplay! Ryder with the puck again…. skates in on Price. Makes that shit look easy! Ryder gets the goal he deserved. 7-5 Bruins. What a game. Campbell with a sweet screen in front. Campbell owns you.


- Funny how Montreal acts tough until McQuaid skates over and then they run. Damn right.

- Recchi pushes Subban again. Love it.

-  Kampfer breaks up a 2 on 1 cause that is just what he does.

- Darche and Lucic have some words before a faceoff but Darche backs down and the refs get involved. You’re just angering the Bruins…..

- HOLY BALLS! Krejci and Horton on a give and go and Horton EMBARASSES Carey Price. Hahahahahahaha! 8-5 Bruins. Five points for Horton so far.

- Ryder comes within inches of the hat trick but no dice. Price still sucks.

- After a whistle that punkass Subban hits Horton in the face. Horton turns around and FUCKING DECKS Subban. Subban goes down like the little bitch that he is.

- Off to the side Krejci and Pacioretty Pouliot drop the mitts and ummm…. Krejci no do so good, ha. Hey, points for trying buddy!

- Horton going to the box. Bruins on the PK. Subban lives to fight another shift somehow. Oh well. Montreal is a team full of cheap cowardly douche bags and the Bruins are putting them in their place tonight.

- Turns out Subban got booted for a misconduct. We’re kind of disappointed. We were hoping he was going to get his face punched off.

- Oh my….. forty seconds left and Ference and Moen drop the gloves. HOLY SHIT! LINE BRAWL BREAKS OUT!

- Boychuk fucking ended Spacek’s life! He was throwing Boychukercuts left and right. Then when Spacek went down Boychuk got in his face and taunted him.


- Campbell bloodied Pyatt after absolutely destorying his shit. When the refs mercifully stepped in Campbell taunted Pyatt. Campbell is such a badass.


- Thornton DESTROYED Hamrlik. Sweet jesus. The refs tried to save Hamrlik but Thornton wanted to kill him.


- Campbell, Boychuk and Thornton absolutely school the cowardly Habs.


- Lesson tonight? DON’T FUCK WITH THE BRUINS!




- McQuaid wants a piece of Pacioretty but he saw what just happened to his teammates and was like hells no. McQuaid goes to the box. Pacioretty scores on the powerplay. 8-6. Who cares. The Bruins fucked up the Habs big time. It was awesome. See you next time Montreal.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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