overtime

Bruins fist Sabres, don’t leave money for cab either. BRUINS WIN.



Boston Bruins keep on rolling. Five wins in a row. Undefeated in November. Undefeated since Jon got engaged. Undefeated since Pizz got that sex change.

Bruins have outscored their opponents 30 to whocares during this win streak. They’ve become masters at scoring two goals within a minute of each other. It’s amazing.

Beyond the Bruins fisting of Buffalo’s collective vaginas, the big story from the game was Ryan Miller slashing Milan Lucic… err… we mean, Lucic checking Miller. We’ve covered the play in great detail already, but here’s the real reason why Miller is so angry at Looch:

Ryan Miller after the game:

“I just stuck around because I just want to say what a piece of shit I think [Milan] Lucic is. Fifty pounds on me, and he runs me like that. It’s unbelievable. Everyone in this city sees him as a big, tough, solid player. I respected him for how hard he played. That was gutless. Gutless, piece of shit.” 



How do the Bruins balls taste Miller?


First of all Miller… shut the fuck up. You came out of the crease, put your shoulder forward like YOU were going to throw a hit then got absolutely embarassed. You have tons of padding on and you are still the biggest pussy in the league. You know why you are never going to win a Cup with Miller in goal Buffalo? Because he is a whiny, emo, excuse making pansy. He is not a champion. He is a scared little boy who wishes he had half the goal tending skill of Michael Ryder. 

After the game Looch went trolling:

“We wouldn’t accept anything like that. We would’ve taken care of business. But we’re a different team than they are.”


Reader Mike Wendt with the idea for that pic. How fitting.


More recap after the jump…

Pre-Game

Bruins celebrated Military Night and had a fantastic opening ceremony, uniting a soldier with his parents after his tour. This should’ve been the only reason why Miller cried all night.

Boston Bruins Military NIght
firstperiod
Buffalo strikes first. Thomas Vanek fires a bad angle shot. Timmy can’t control it ’cause he’s been bench warming for the past week. Vanek shoots it from behind the net, banks of Timmy and in. Such an odd goal.



Vanek goal
1-0, Buffalo.

Then this happened.



NHL.com is saying Miller left the game with an “upper-body injury” which we can only assume is “bruised ego.” Possibly a “sore vagina.”


Ryan Miller hit

Everyone’s favorite goat fucker Patrick Kaleta tried running Thomas which is only a smart move if you have a death wish. Unlike Miller, Thomas will hit you back and probably 10x as hard.


Somehow Kaleta showed the most heart out there for Buffalo. That’s a problem for the Sabres. During a TV timeout Kaleta handed Miller one of his extra tampons.


1-0 Buffalo after the first but momentum moved to Boston’s side.

secondperiod
Peverly takes the puck at the blue line and blasts his way past whatever’s left of Buffalo’s defense. Nice cut back across the ice to the forehand and makes Miller look silly.


Welcome back, Pevs.

Rich PEverly goal
1-1.

Later on, Tyler Meyers makes a beautiful pass to Brad Marchand who goes on a 2-on-1 with Tyler Seguin. Will Marchy pass or shoot? He passes and Seguin buries it. Kid’s on fire.

Tyler Seguin goal

Seguin looked at Vanek and just told him who the real goal scorer is.


2-1 Boston

And going with the Bruins trend, they score less than 20 seconds later. Horton gets a nice feed and goes on yet another 2-on-1 with Krecji. But to change things up, instead of passing he shoots it. He goes top shelf. Goal.



3-1 Boston. It’s at this point the Sabres turn into this dog, but not as cute.


Bruins up 3-1 after two periods. Everything’s going their way. Everyone taking the Bruins cue and start tea bagging Miller.

thirdperiod
Sabres pull Miller for Jhnoas Enroth, which will only drive the goalie controversy that’s plaguing Buffalo.


Buffalo is claiming Miller is injured but we all know the real reason… Miller sucks. And the Bruins are awesome. Plus the Bruins were filming the first episode of their new show:


Chris Kelly makes Enroth feel right at home. Ehroff sends a beautiful pass to a wide-open Peverly. Pevs sends it quick across the crease to Kelly. Ba-BOOM!



“Christmas comes early!” –Jack Edwards

4-1 Boston.

Later on, Bergeron shows some nifty stick work and gives Seguin a beautiful no-look pass from his knees. The kid buries it like an undertaker buries bodies.




5-1 Boston. Seriously, we’ve reached the point where we wouldn’t be surprised if Seguin scored a hat trick every night. Kid is absolutely insane.

Boychuk sends Kaleta flying through the air with the greatest of ease.



Kaleta then tries to run a four year old boy because that is the only way this waste of life can feel tough. Dude pees sitting down.


Few minutes later, Seguin dishes a sweet pass to Brad Marchand streaking across the middle of the ice. Buffalo just stands there as Marchy dangles his way through them all and backhands the puck passed Miller Jr.

Marchand goal

6-1 Boston.

Sabres get one later. No one cares.

Bruins win

Near the end of the game Kaleta once again tries to pretend he has testicles except he runs into Shawn Thornton and shits his pants.


Kaleta couldn’t possibly be anymore useless. Every night when Kaleta’s dad goes to bed he thinks to himself…. “why didn’t I just jerk off in the shower again and blow this load down the drain? Why did I have to bang my pig of a wife instead and make this totally talentless fool?!”







Bruins win, 6-2. Suck it, Buffalo. 
 
And in honor of the 30 goals in five games for Boston, we present to you, THE COUNT.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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