Bruins poke fun at Tampa Bay fans, make them cry

Tampa Bay Tampons
Photo from Joseph L. of some of his buddies.

That sign is fantastic. Best one we’ve seen yet. We hope it makes it out again soon — either in Tampa or at the Garden.

Speaking of signs, surely you’ve seen (err… or saw) these signs outside the Boston Garden.

Boston Bruins Hockey Rules Tampa BayBoston Bruins Hockey Rules LightningAnd if you’ve been at the game you’ve seen these images around the Garden (pics by Mike Giardi, CSNNE.com)

Boston Bruins Bear Ads - Tampa Bay LightningBoston Bruins Hockey Rules - LightningTampa Bay criesWell. Apparently Tampa Bay Lightning fans (yes… more than one!) didn’t take too kindly by Boston’s chopbusting. We understand. They’re old. They don’t understand these new fancy things like senses of humor.

Such as this story in TampaBay.com:

“I don’t know how you can’t take it personally,” said Chad Schnarr, co-founder of BoltProspects.com, a popular website dedicated to Tampa Bay’s minor-league and junior players.

“When you take on the fans, you’re going right to them. I don’t think you can just laugh it off when it’s directed at you. Some understand it’s a joke, but …”

But what, Chad? But you have skin as thin as Tampa Bay’s defense last night?

Just like Montreal fans, Chad here wrote about a post telling Boston to stay classy. What a crybaby. It’s a fucking ad targeted for Boston Bruins fans, not homophobic propganada (like Mr. Cowhead). Get over yourself, Tampa. Your city sucks.

More after the jump…

So apparently Tampa Bay is filled with whiny, pissy, inbred, stupid, sorry excuses for “fans.” They like to claim they are some of the most dedicated fans in sports. Let us look at a few numbers here. They rank near the bottom in attendance figures in the NHL, NFL and MLB. That isn’t smack talk. That is just a Dunkin Donuts Caught Cold fact!


Not only is Chad a whiny douchecopter, but some clown named… you know what, it doesn’t matter who this idiot is. Check out his short, whiny post and while he’s busy getting his diaper changed scroll down to the comments section if you want to get dumber. Some of the most unoriginal, unfunny insults in the history of insults.

What’s that crying sound? Did we just pull a Schwarzenegger and have another illegitamite child? Noooo, that’s just the cries of Tampa Bay fans.  But they do make a good point, god forbid one team make any sort of negative comment about an opposing team, thats not what competition is about.  Nope, competition is about sitting down, shutting up, not hurting anyone’s feelings, and everyone just being super special bestest friends!
I hear that at the end of this series, instead of the tradition handshake line, the players are going to exchange presents and hugs.

What kills us about that whiny article is this:

“The Bruins’ signs created so much backlash — especially after Tampa Bay area radio personality Cowhead (real name Mike Calta) of 102.5-FM urged listeners to call the Bruins marketing department in protest — the team on Wednesday removed them from the arena.”

Really? These G-Rated signs were so offensive that they felt the need to call the Bruins organization? The ones they put up for the Flyers series were worse and they didn’t cry. They just pushed old people in front of buses.

At least Montreal fans and Philly fans could almost play our game. Tampa Bay isn’t even in our league. So we decided to explore a few of these comments just for funsies. Come with us on an adventure through comments that sound like the result of eating paint chips and cousin fucking down in Florida…………….

Some dude with the handle gws716 had some “gems.” And by gems we shit so lame we even Paulie Shore wouldn’t think it was funny. Here’s some of his “best”

“The Gulf Oil Spill. Japanese Earthquakes. The last 30 years of The Bruins hockey. (get it, all disasters!)”

Jon: I guess gws716 thinks tragedies are funny. Eleven people died in the Gulf Oil Spill. It left thousands in Florida broke and jobless as tourism declined.  Thousands died in the Japanese earthquakes. Oh, and the Bruins hold an all time record of 43-19-9 against Tampa, out scoring them 241-188. If the Bruins are a disaster, and they consistently school Tampa Bay, what does that say about the Lightning?

“Bruins fans, which team did you cheer for before this year?”

Jon: Ummm the Bruins? Unlike Tampa, Boston supports the Bruins even when they are not winning. Despite the fact that there has been no Cup in years, Boston consistently sells. Bruins games are in such high demand that balcony seats to the conference finals sell for $250. In Tampa Bay, you
can still get excellent seats to game 3… for $58. Because Lightning fans don’t give a shit. You consistently rank near the bottom of the league in attendance and despite the fact that you have an arena that seats more people, Boston still averages waaaaaaaaay more fans than you. Lay of the crack.

Apparently this guy hasn’t watched ESPN in the past 50 years…

“The Boston Red Sox- Proof that with a little hard work and alot of Steriods- even your team can be champions”

Robb: Oh, so no one on the Rays did steroids? I’m no baseball fan, but a quick google search countered that argument right quick

Greg: What the fuck? I find it amusing that anyone from Tampa says anything about baseball because if you look at the numbers, I don’t even think they know what baseball is. When the Red Sox and Rays met in the ALCS, my buddy flew down to Tampa and bought a ticket for $17…THE DAY OF THE GAME! That place couldn’t sell out if you gave all the tickets away for free during a playoff game. Tampa doesn’t deserve a baseball team much like they don’t deserve a hockey team. I’d say something about Tampa and steroids, but I don’t even know who plays for them anymore. Sure isn’t Carl Crawford. He woke up and left that mall-esque shithole of a ballpark the moment he had a chance.

Reader bggnrich, likely describing his love for his fat sister, decided it was cool to compare terrorists to the Bruins:

“Osama Bin Laden backwards is………….Boston Bruins”

Jon: No it isn’t. Osama Bin Laden backwards is “nedaL niB amasO.” I’m not sure if it is the sun or the inbreeding but Tampa fans could not
possibly be more dumb.

Robb: You know he was responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans? But no, funny joke, you god damn terrorist.

Greg: I wish Osama Bin Laden flew a plane into your house. With a comment like that, it’s clear that you’re either French or you have no decency for human life. I have a great idea buddy, stop trying to be funny based on topical humor. Oh, I have an idea! Osama Bin Laden was killed a week or so back, how can I relate that to hockey? Wait I can’t, death to America! Right? nedaL niB amasO is also how it’s spelled backwards, dickhead.

Then they get dumber….

“That’s BAAAAHston for ya, always Klassy.”

Robb: Did you read the guy above’s comment?

Greg: Oh man. Whoever wrote this comment should be banned from the Forum. First off, this isn’t 1995, spelled C words with a K isn’t funny, at all. Also, it’s not Mortal Kombat, so once again, the K is not needed. I’ll take it that you’ve just arrived to the resource room from the shortbus and are being allowed some computer free time because you do your addition flash cards and learn about “Mr. Yellow Sun”.

Jon: How are jokes not classy? Do you hate every comedian ever too? And who spells classy with a K? Seriously. You in 4th grade? Do you <3 Tampa 4eva and Alwayz?

Apparently they really, really love terrorists in Tampa. They just can’t shut up about them…

“Al-Qaida. The Taliban. The Boston Sports Bandwagon.”

Robb: Again with this? Is there some evil sect in Boston sports that I am totally missing? Really is there no better insult that you have? I don’t get what this guy was going for, jokes need a punchline to be funny. But no, we are truly the classless group of fans.

Jon: One of Boston’s nicknames is Hockey Town. Tampa is one of the biggest proven bandwagon cities in the world. Plus I’m not sure how the three of those things are tied together. The first two aren’t even types of wagons.

Greg: OH YEAH! BOSTON IS A TERRORIST CELL BABY! What is wrong with you people. Much like Osama Bin Laden up there, these terrorist posts are not only the unfunniest thing I’ve ever had to read in the history of reading, but it’s not the “klassiest” (I had to write it this way for shitbag up there can read this) thing to write about. It’s funny that Tampa, of all places, writes about a bandwagon. I’m pretty sure Tampa invented the bandwagon once the team tanked and got lucky enough to draft Stamkos. Remember how bad those Lightning teams were? I’m sure you don’t because you weren’t watching. Tampa sucks. Eat my shorts.

According to some Tampa Bay residents, only Boston residents are allowed to run in the Boston marathon…

“Boston: Where cheaters always win! Insert pic of Rosie of the Boston Marathon and Belichick with a camera.”

Robb: I won’t get into a Belichick debate here, but I assume you were refering to Rosie Ruiz. Yeah she was from New York (and Miami before that) you dumbass.  That’d be like if I went to your house, counted cards while playing poker with you, and called your wife a fucking cheater.

Greg: Belichick can’t hear you, he has two Super Bowl rings in his ears and another getting ready to be imprinted on your forehead.

Little Horn was apparently dropped on his head a lot as a child.

“Why doesn’t Worcester have a pro hockey team? Beacuse then Boston would want one.”

Jon: Well,first he’s such a bandwagon hockey team that he doesn’t realize AHL teams are technically considered “pro.” They’re just a step down from the NHL. Worcester also does have a team. They’re called the Sharks. And Boston does have a professional team. The Bruins. Not even quite sure what his insult was. No one in Tampa cared about hockey until a week ago.

At least this guy admits Boston is awesome.

“Boston is so great, we moved to Florida! –Bruin Fan–”

Robb: That…doesn’t even make sense.

Greg: Says the 89 year old in a Rascal. The reason you moved to Tampa is because you need some sun and fun (and by fun, I mean shuffleboard with Gary and Paige at Del Boca Vista and baking gingersnap squares) before you croak.

MDKnob doesn’t understand irony:

“Boston…Crying more than Posada for the past 30+ years”

Jon: First of all, he is commenting on a post that is whining about some jokes the Bruins made and Posada doesn’t even play in Boston. Jesus man, just go to ESPN.com real quick and get your shit together.

Ajax tries to play the class card:

“the distance between our classy organization and their history of ineptness is a lot further than a thousand mile plane trip…….”

Jon: Class? Like when that Cowhead douche when on the radio and called the Bruins staff “fags”? Reaaaaaaal classy. You joke.


History of ineptness? Oh, you must be new to the Tampa Bay bandwagon. In 18 years (not counting the lockout year and including this year) your team has missed the playoffs 12 times. Twelve. Since the comments on this whiny, moany, pissypants article indicated  Tampa “fans” have the basic inability to comprehend logic or fact that is a 66% failure rate. Who’s inept you jokes?

Niko chimes in:

“Maybe we should find a picture of napoleon and dress him up in a bruins jersey. They have a serious Napoleon complex”

Jon: Or we could just put Napoleon in a St. Louis jersey and no one would know the fucking difference.


MDKnob is back again proving he is a bandwagon fan:

“Seriously, when was the last time the Bruins were relevant?”

Jon: This is the first year the Lightning have made the playoffs since 2007. 99% of the state had no idea who the Lightning were a month ago and even today there are TONS of tickets available for tonight’s game. The Lightning still aren’t even relevant. Just look at the ratings you fool.

Vlac4 does his best Brick from Anchorman impression:

“Boston Red Sox. New England Patriots. New England Revolution….THE BOSTON BRUINS”

Jon: You forgot the Celtics when you were naming the teams. Good job though little buddy you got most of them!

Robb: And the Blazers too!

This next guy failed joking writing 101 and clearly drank a lot of lead paint as a kid….

“Hey Boston fans…No, we dont want to fight you because we said your team sucks! Perhaps youve had to much to drink and should go  sleep it off! (how awesome would that be written on the side of The Forum?LOL! totally sums up Bostonian sports fans!)”

Robb: Yup, you really hit there nail on the head there.  LOLOMG It would be so totally funny if that were written on the side of The Forum!! ROTFLOL

Greg: LOL THEY SHOULD WRITE THAT ON THE FORUM!! Put it right underneath the “Hey Tampa, don’t forget about us” sign. I’m sure a sign like this amongst a bunch of orange people in sandals and shorts would really make us boo-hoo into your beer.

Jon: …. sorry… just blacked out from the stupidity of that… what are we talking about?


Spurbow just won a medal at the Special Olympics:

“I once ate a Bruin – it tasted like a cross between a Manatee and a Bald Eagle.”

Jon: How is this even an insult? Really. So you’ve eaten a bear, a manatee and a bald eagle? You ate a bald eagle? You ate America’s mascot? You hate America, you terrorist.

gws716 is getting dumber by the minute:

“Little Red Riding Hood. The Three Little Pigs. A Boston Bruins Title in 2011.”

Jon: He missed the point of the original slogan. The Boston banner was saying that Tampa Bay Lightning fans were a myth. Here, good ole gws716 is listing stories, not myths, and since he included the Bruins, vicariously that means there is going to be a story of the Bruins 2011 title. Thanks for believing buddy! We knew we could count on you!

Final Words

Jon: I basically had to stop there. There was so much blatant inbreeding in that thread that my IQ dropped 100 points just reading it. It was basically rehashes of jokes about the Cup drought and the Bruins being irrelevant. This is kind of ironic coming from one of the biggest bandwagon fanbases in the league, a fan base where 98% of fans likely can’t name three players not named Stamkos, Lecavalier, St. Louis or Roloson. Boston is the city
of champions. Tampa Bay is where old people go to die. You won a Cup less than 10 years ago and people still don’t go to the games. “Great” fan base.

Greg: I would like to take this time and nominate Tampa as the worst city in all of America. If there were to be an alien invasion and the alien life were to exterminate all in their way, I would hope it would be in Tampa. These dickheads have the gall to cause a shit storm over a couple of fucking signs hanging in the TD Garden and then make articles saying “What would you post if we wanted to do it?”. First off, be creative. Second of all, stop doing other people’s schtick. It pisses me off to no end that the dregs of Tampa Bay got their way with these signs because a fake fanbase like that shouldn’t get a black and gold pot to piss in.

Look at this bullshit. These came from the comment section in some fucking piece of garbage by people who need to take some stand up comedy classes. Maybe Tampa’s version of the “Groundlings” will teach these people how to make a joke and be done early enough so they can hit the Waffle House and get their Early Bird Special of $4.99 chicken and waffles.

Robb: Well I’ve had enough, truly Tampa Bay’s startling wit is too much for my tiny Boston brain to take.  These are actually some of the better ones too, plenty of comments with comparisions of ticket sales.  Well yeah, must be nice to have Eastern Conference Finals tickets going for well under $100. How many of you remember the going to games in the days before Lecavalier and St. Louis? Yeah, thats what I thought.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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