Game Preview: 32. Canadiens at Bruins. Now with 100% more francophone!

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If you grab a microscope and use the 100x zoom, you’ll be able to see the Canadiens sitting in the basement of the Northeast division. That joke works in two different ways as they suck and they’re short! But inall seriousness, the Canadiens have some major issues this season. On Saturday the organization fired Jaques Martin and gave assistant coach Randy Cunneyworth a shot at the top spot. Of course, Montreal isbeing amazing stupid about the whole situation. Maybe you’d think it was because Martin was fired, but that’s the least of their worries right now. No, Montreal is pissed because…

HE DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH

That’s legit, by the way.  

It would be like Boston fans getting pissed off because their coach pronounces his r’s. Sure, Cunneyworth doesn’t speak French and it’s the first time in 30 years that this has happened to the “fine” people ofQuebec, but if you’re going to limit yourself to someone who speaks French, you’re cutting the coaching market in half. Or maybe even in thirds.

But what else would you expect from Montreal? They get up in arms over the most useless bullshit:

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This is the same fanbase that ridiculed Milan Lucic for running over Ryan Miller, cried when he wasn’t suspended and then held their hands over their eyes when Erik Cole ran Enroth and said “What are you talkingabout?” Shit, I even had Montreal media DMing me saying “It’s okay because Enroth wasn’t injured”. But I can’t fault the Habs fans for being a little irritated. They’re used to seeing their team compete, albeitpoorly, for the Stanley Cup by getting into the playoffs and this year they’ll be lucky to do just that. They’re last in the Northeast division, 10 points behind the Bruins for first place, and 12th in the EasternConference. 

But it’s deeper than that. 

Scott Gomez, yeah you remember him right? Oh you don’t? He’s the Canadiens highest paid player on their roster and hasn’t scored a goal yet this season. 13 games. 0 goals. $7,357,143 per season. 
 



I can’t disagree with you Scottie Logan. Not only does Scott Gomez ride the suck stick right now, the Habs recently traded for the one and only: 

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YOU DAMN RIGHT! Tomas Kaberle was traded to the Habs for Jaroslav Spacek early in December. Here’s the surprising news: He’s been good for Montreal. In the 4 games he’s played with them he has 5 assists.That’s over a point per game. That’s not bad considering this team’s defense is softer than his pudgy, marshmallow cheeks. What sucks for Montreal? He just signed a three year deal with Carolina this offseasonfor $4.25M per season. 

Lets face it, Bruins fans saw what Kaberle can bring to a team and that isn’t worth $4.25M per year. He was brought in to “ressurect a dying power play” but instead stuck the knife deeper into the wound anddecided to twist. He was afraid to shoot at the point, like someone called him up and said if he shoots than they’ll murder his family, afraid. To replace shooting, he continued to do his favorite thing: pass to Chara.Pass to Chara. Pass to Chara. Pass to Chara. Oh, and also pass it to Chara. The power play was so predictable, you could leave wherever you were watching the game for 2 minutes to refreshen your beverage,take a piss, make a sammich or pull a quickie with your significant other/sleeping drunk and not miss a thing. 

Trading for Kaberle was a mistake and that mistake cost the Bruins Joe Colbourne and a couple of draft picks. At least Jim Rutherford admits to making a mistake when he traded Kaberle to Montreal. 

“This was a deal that quite frankly I didn’t read the situation the way I should’ve,” Rutherford explained. “I should’ve known what it’s like for guys after they win the Stanley Cup. Based on where theteam was at, it wasn’t the direction that I should’ve gone in.”

Wow. For a GM to trade someone away and admit their mistake, before half of the player’s first season is over with that club, is a pretty big deal. Add a big contract to a team loaded with big contracts. AndreiMarkov, Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez, Mike Cammalleri, Erik Cole and Tomas Plekanec all make at least $4.5M per season and most signed until the 2014-2015 season. That’s going to hurt them, especially when PKSubban and Carey Price have a contract up this season and will be looking to get paid. 

That’s no skin off my back though. I hope the Canadiens lock themselves into cap hell for a long fucking time. Maybe being in the basement will help their overconfident, annoying, cocky fans figure out that they’renot the Tim Tebow of the NHL. There is no French speaking Jesus on their side.  

Thier only answer is to drink some of the punch and pray someone will finally accept them.

On the other side of the coin, the Bruins are awesome. What else is there to say really? They beat the shit out of Philadelphia. Literally. I saw shit coming out of Max Talbot’s pants after Pouliot gave him thefacewash from hell. Chara returned after missing two games and went into beastmode in the first period. Tim Thomas remains to be the icon that Tim Tebow prays to.

As of this post, no news on Lucic and a possible suspension yet. If we doesn’t get suspended, get ready to jump into your canoe or kayak because the tears coming from Montreal (a team and fanbase that hasnothing to do with this altercation) will flow like it’s the god damn Niagra Falls. They’ll chant things like “Goons!” and “Shanahan fears Lucic!” and that’s just fine and dandy because while they do that, they’ll beplaying the game tonight under a gold 2011 Stanley Cup Champions banner and in the end that’s the only thing that truly matters. 

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After the jump, the rest of the maddness...


Projected Roster

Jordan Caron and Steve Kampfer have been called up from Providence today. Kampfer still sucks

Milan Lucic – David Krejci – Nathan Horton
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Tyler Seguin
Beniot Pouliot – Chris Kelly – Rich Peverley
Danny Paille – Zach Hamill – Shawn Thornton

Zdeno Chara – Johnny Boychuk
Dennis Seidenberg – Joe Corvo
Andrew Ference – Adam McQuaid

Tim Thomas
Tuukka Rask


Game Day Video

 


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LETS GO BRUINS! 

 

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