Grindin’ Gears: All Over The Place Edition

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God damnit. God fucking damnit. I would like to say good morning to everyone and it might be the only good thing I say this entire article. Before I go off on my tangent, I      want to talk about the pathetic display some Bruins fans put on during the Peter Chiarelli/Season Ticket Holder press conference. I listened to some of it and read live tweets by HBAdventure and guy337 and some of the shit I read made me want to throw up my lunch. The best one of the group was:

Why haven’t Bruins won cup yet? Why haven’t you made that adjustment yet? Chiarelli: “I want to win a cup as much as anyone.”

For all I know, a seven year old asked that question because no hockey fan would ever ask a question like that. Why haven’t the Bruins won a Cup yet? Are you fucking serious? Are you watching the god damn game you have season tickets for or are you just ripping them up and throwing them away? First off, why would you ever ask that question? What is your fucking thought process here? Why not call Theo Epstein and say “Oh hey Theo, why haven’t you won the World Series in four years”? It’s a ridiculous statement. I know that I’m going a little overboard here with my tangent, but that question really bothered me, especially the second part. Why hasn’t Chiarelli made adjustments? What adjustments would you like him to make? Trades? I guess Tomas Kaberle, Chris Kelly and Rich Peverley don’t count. Who do you want the Bruins to get? Brad Richards? Are you willing to part with Toronto’s #1 pick, David Krejci and possibly Michael Ryder for a guy who makes about $7 million dollars and is coming off of a concussion? Sounds reasonable, right? Just because you can win the Stanley Cup in NHL 11 doesn’t mean it’s an easy task. Sometimes I forget how much we (fanbase) armchair GM but it’s something I know I’m going to have to stop doing. You’re not an NHL GM, you’ll never be an NHL GM so I think it’s safe to say that you should be asking an NHL GM such idiotic questions as the one above.

rydercloud
Someone also talked about Michael Ryder getting a contract extension. Come on man, come on. Michael Ryder? You want Michael Ryder on this team longer than his current contract? Are you on drugs, brah? The last thing this Bruins team needs is more Michael Ryder. Ryder isn’t the guy we all thought he was going to be when he signed a contract here. He isn’t a top six forward, he isn’t a hard worker and he barely qualifies as a goal scorer. Instead, the only thing Michael Ryder is, is a floater! I nicknamed him Cloud because all he does it float out there (clever right?).

Okay, I’m done Bruins fans. I didn’t mean that. Please give me another chance. If anyone asks, you were hit by a baseball.

After the jump…lets look at the last Bruins’ game…

Last night the Bruins won 4-1 against a desperate Devils team and basically crushed their hopes and dreams. I’m cool with that. I’m pretty sure I’ve crushed some poor girl’s dreams before so I’m down with the Bruins doing it. You know what I’m also down with? The Bruins scoring on the fucking power play. HALLELUJAH! THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES ON ME NOW BABY! But seriously, the Bruins power play was so terrible, I was about to call 911 and make sure it still had a pulse. Or I’ll call 911 the next time someone gets hurt. Then the Days of Y’Orr crew is going to flip some cop cars over. Then protest and cry at said protest (Pizz is a sap, true facts). Here’s the thing though, the Bruins had five chances to score on the power play last night and only converted one. I’m not looking for perfection and I’ll take a 20% conversion rate any day, but I feel that with the talent on that team the power play should be better.

Look, I don’t mean to be negative, but I’m not going to pretend everything is sunshine and farts after one win against a hockey team that’s towards the bottom on the Eastern Conference. Remember that game against Toronto? I’m sure most of you have erased it from your cerebellum, but I haven’t. Thomas looked rusty and the Bruins looked flat. We’ve seen the flat Bruins more than we’ve seen the energized Bruins lately and it’s concerning with the playoffs just weeks away. Hell, the first period last night against the Devils was just as shitty as the three periods against the Leafs! The only saving grace last night was that Tim Thomas went back in time, stole his beginning of the year form and brought it back with him and place him in net. Guy has a fucking Delorean and we should all be jealous.

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- Random Thoughts

- I’m terrified to face the Habs in the playoffs and I’m not afraid to admit it. I know that it’s the greatest rivalry in hockey (despite what NBC and the NHL says about the monster known as Crosvechkin) but the Habs are currently 4-1 against the Bruins (which would win a series) and they have revenge on their minds after the Chara/Paches thing. Speaking of Pacioretty, I’m glad the kid’s fine. I really am. What is not okay is how the Montreal management handled the situation. They lied to their fans, plain and simple. If I was a Habs fan (…I’d commit suicide…) I’d be pissed that the organization felt the need to lie to the fanbase about his injuries – but yet there’s not one word from them now.

- Speaking of peeps (those marshmallow Peeps are fucking gross, btw) – I’m glad the NHL finally suspended Matt Cooke for a reasonable amount of time given his track record. The rest of the regular season (10 games) and the first round of the playoffs (4-7 games) is exactly what he needs. Maybe now Mario will get on his soap box so we can throw rocks at him “The Lottery” style. Here’s my issue with everything – where’s the fucking protests in Montreal? If they want to “end violence in hockey” why aren’t they parading around their capitol building like they did last week? Oh wait, it’s because it happened to the fucking Rangers and not “Les Habs” (please read that again in a horrible French accent, worth it). SACREBLEU!

- Whoever bid $1,046.46 to shave Krejci’s head, you clearly have money to throw around and I’ll take some of it. Give me $20 and an iced coffee and you can shave my head, my face, my chest, whatever you want.

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