Oh. My. God. Finally the Bruins will play a playoff game tonight. Leading up to this game is like hooking up with a female who enjoys teasing you. She leaving you high and dry day after day, while you look around and see other people (ie: teams playing) getting their rocks off, but she won’t please you yet. Today is finally the day where the blue balls go away as the orgasmic feeling of playoff hockey as it once again shines down on Boston like the summer sun. However with every summer day comes a rain cloud to wash away all the happiness. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you – the first round rain cloud:
The Montreal Canadiens fan.
Oh sweet Jesus in Heaven or Zombie Jesus at Easter, please save us from this unholy menstruation that is the Montreal Canadiens fan.In fact, look at the picture above. The douchiest guy in the picture is wearing a FUCKING METS HAT. I’ve stood by the notion that people who wear other sports teams apparel to a different sport really isn’t a fan of the sport they’re watching to begin with. If you go to a Boston Bruins game, you’re better off showing up naked than you are in a Red Sox, Patriots or Celtics jersey/hat/t-shirt because it shows you don’t care enough about the Bruins to wear something of theirs. Hell, you don’t even have to buy it, borrow something from a friend. This is especially true if you’re showing up for a playoff game. Anywho, I digress because the Habs apparently have “one of the most hardcore fanbases in all of hockey” but this asshole wears a baseball hat – and a bad baseball team at that – to a Habs game/rally/circle jerk. Disgraceful.
Also “Arrest the Ice Hole” is clever – if your a member of the resource room in High School.
More goodness about how shitty the Habs fans are…
What’s even more disgraceful is that this “fanbase” isn’t as passionate as they lead others to believe. In fact, this fanbase is nothing more than a bunch of whiners. Everyone knows about the 911 deal, but if you don’t here it is. After Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Paccioretty the citizens of Montreal dialed 911 to have the Montreal police, Mounties or whatever they have up there arrest Chara for a malicious hit. So many of those turds called that it shut down the 911 phone lines for people who probably needed to use it…for a fucking emergency!
It’s not just the 911 thing though. In fact, that’s just the tip of the douchy-iceberg. I can kind of understand if you’re emotionally invested in a team and something terrible happens so you react in a dumb manner. I mean, I kind of get that, but that’s not the only thing. Look at the comment section of our Top 10 Favorite Montreal Moments. These Habs fans are the worst. One guy “Mtl24″ dropped some Chara/Paccioretty bullshit but couldn’t defend Hal Gill when he did the same thing to Jon Sim. Mtl24 said that Gill didn’t lift Sim into the stanchion, but I’ll let you judge. Unfortunately there’s no “embed” option for the Youtube video so here’s a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHHMZkpvw6c. The best thing about it? The fans are CHEERING!
And that’s the thing that pisses me off most about Habs fan. When the player is wearing their laundry it’s okay. Mike Ribeiro’s dive where it looked like he was shot in the back but then got up and was smiling on the bench? Perfectly acceptable as long as he was in a blu, blanc and rouge sweater. Had he been in his Dallas uniform AGAINST the Habs, or even worse a Bruins sweater, the Canadiens “faithful” would be having a caniption and calling for Ribeiro’s head. It’s a joke. These are the same people who boo at the Bell Centre when a Canadiens player falls because they believe he was tripped.
It’s not just the blinders that piss me off either, it’s that the Habs haven’t been a relevant hockey team since they won the Stanley cup in 1993. Now I know that a lot of Habs fans will come here and say “Oh, well the Bruins haven’t won a cup since 1972 so what the fuck makes them so relevant?”. Good question, but unlike Montreal – Boston doesn’t live in its own past. We know what Orr did in 1972, we know how Bobby and Ray re-defined the word “defenseman” and we understand that the term “power forward” was specifically created for a guy like Cam Neely. We know the Bruins past like it was our own heritage, but we don’t constantly refer to it. We know the Bruins traded Ken Dryden and we don’t care. We know the team blew a 3-0 series lead and then a 3-0 lead in Game 7 to Philadelphia. We know that the Bruins haven’t made it out of the second round in 18 years. Wow, congrats – you know our history as well as we do. Why is it that the Canadiens fans don’t mention that the Canadiens used to get first pick of all the French Canadian players? That’s the reason why Montreal won so many Stanley Cups. That won’t get mentioned though, oh no. Why omit that information when talking about “the most storied franchise in the NHL” and I use the term storied loosely.
Another thing that pisses me off? Montreal Canadiens fans consider themselves “classy”. First off, the term classy is so overused that it holds no meaning in this world today. Stop using the term classy because those who use it certainly aren’t close to the original definition. Not to go back to the Chara/Paches incident, but when Days of Y’Orr was blogging about the incident, we received death threats- literally death threats – from Canadiens fans. One of them told us that they hope we fucking die and that Habs fans were a bunch of classy people. Hello, irony? Tell someone that you hope they fucking die and then calling yourself classy makes no sense. If you want to be considered classy, take me out for tea and crumpets or whine and cheese – don’t tell me and the other guys who write here to “fucking die”.
Don’t get me wrong, the Bruins faithful out there aren’t angels. In fact, most of us are far from it. We enjoy to piss off you Frenchies (which is not a race, despite what I’ve been told by the Montrealers), we enjoy drinking whiskey and getting into fights and we enjoy a good riot – but not after a first round win. I’m not even going to say that we’re “above” the Canadiens fans, but I can tell you that we know who we are. We know that some of us are morons, some of us are idiots and some of us are die hards who’ve been there through the worst of it.
So go string that little flag on your car Canadiens fans because you’re the most hated fanbase in the world. Shit, even Canadians hate you.