Grindin Gears: Don’t Tell Me To Relax Edition

I’m done listening to the fucking bullshit that gets spewed throughout this fanbase. Yesterday must have been “tell everyone to relax” day because that’s all anyone did. “Oh, it’s 5 games into the season, relax.” “They won the Stanley Cup, relax.” “They have Tuukka and Timmy, relax.” Fuck off. What are you going to tell me now? “Oh, it’s only 6 games into the season, relax.” Sorry bud, I’m not going to relax anymore. Are you watching the type of hockey this team is playing? It’s pure dog shit. Head off to a dog park in Boston and look for those tightly coiled mud-pies on the ground because they are a good indication of how the Bruins are playing. Actually, the shit may be a little too tight. Eat a bunch of Mexican food and drink about a case of Bud Light. The excrement that falls from your anal evacuation is a better indication of how these guys play: Messy. Smelly. Shitty.

But that’s okay because they won the Stanley Cup right? It doesn’t matter that they’ve been outplayed in three of the last four games and are 2-4-0 on the season. 1 win. 1 fucking win and it didn’t come against Colorado or two meetings against Carolina. Luckily, it was a dominating performance against the Lightning. The other 2 points came from a shootout win over Chicago. So the Bruins have 4 points in 6 games and are sitting at the bottom of the Eastern Conference, but they won a Stanley Cup so it’s okay right?


It’s okay, they won a Stanley Cup remember?…

That’s the biggest bullshit excuse I’ve heard of in awhile. Don’t allow a Stanley Cup to excuse all of the bad things that’s happening on the ice right now. If anything, you (yes you, fan) should be over-critical of this team because they’re the defending Stanley Cup Champions and should be playing at a higher level than this. Saying something like “I’ve waited my whole life for a Cup so they can be as shitty as they want” is a disservice to fans everywhere. You should be pissed at the way they are playing. This team should’ve beat Colorado and Carolina (both times). They’re a better team then both of them, but they were outworked in three games.

Last night was a totally different monster than the prior nights though. There were two major issues with that game. The first is the officiating. I’m not going to deny that that game was the worst officiated game I’ve ever watched. It’s definitely a reason why the Bruins were put into a shitty situation to being with. Half of those penalty calls shouldn’t have been made. The tossing of Claude Julien was also bullshit. You’re going to throw a guy out of a game because he shook his head at you? Maybe if you were a competent ref to begin with, this wouldn’t happen.

The second issue was the Bruins lack of discipline. Sorry, but the Bruins lacked any sort of brains last night. They allowed the ‘Canes to get inside their head and molest their brains. Sorry, but it happened. I’m worried that this team, who was so mentally strong last season, is slowly breaking down due to the pressure on them to perform. Instead of playing championship caliber hockey, they’re playing like District 5 before Fulton Reed came with his boombash of a slapshot and started making goalies fly into their own net.

So what’s wrong with the Bruins? How about the offense. Here’s a list of Bruins without any points:

  1. Zdeno Chara
  2. Shawn Thornton
  3. Gregory Campbell
  4. “Chris” Beniot Pouliot
  5. Matt Bartkowski
  6. Jordan Caron

Now, to piggy back off of that, here’s the number of Bruins without a goal:

  1. Milan Lucic
  2. Zdeno Chara
  3. Dennis Seidenberg
  4. Johnny Boychuk
  5. Shawn Thornton
  6. Gregory Campbell
  7. Patrice Bergeron
  8. “Chris” Beniot Pouliot
  9. Adam McQuaid
  10. Jordan Caron
  11. Matt Bartkowski
  12. Joe Corvo
  13. Andrew Ference

What’s the problem here? THAT’S MORE THAN HALF OF THE TEAM!

Look at that! More than half of the team doesn’t have a fucking goal on the season, two of them (Lucic and Bergeron) being your more elite players. And hello Bruins fans, you’re apparently okay with it. It’s time to remove the black and gold glasses, strip out of your Bruins snuggie and wake the fuck up. This team is 11th in the Eastern Conference, last in goals scored per game with 1.67 and 25th in the league on the powerplay at a successful 8.6%! (Click the link for larger, high-res image)

worstoffense
Oh, I forgot that the Bruins won a Stanley Cup last year so this is okay. An anemic offense is okay in Boston apparently. I don’t want to hear about injuries either because it is part of hockey. This city has been dealing with a concussed Marc Savard for what seems like a decade now. We’ve watched Patrice Bergeron miss a year and a half. Injuries are part of hockey. Luckily the Bruins didn’t suffer many injuries in the playoffs, which allowed them to gel as a team and win the Cup.

Wow, I immediately feel better. I hope everyone is enjoying their Jostens fan rings and watching shitty hockey because there’s a 6th banner hanging from the rafters. This eerily reminds me of the 2009-2010 season when the Bruins finished the season last in the league on offense with 2.45 goals per game.

The good thing is that this team is built on goaltending and that’s still solid. If Tuukka or Timmy hit a dry spell, this team is royally fucked.

milanwhocic
- Random Thoughts –

- At least the Bruins aren’t the Red Sox…yet.

- Seguin continues to play well, though last night shouldn’t be an indication that anyone played well. At least Peverley scored a powerplay goal, which helps my fantasy hockey team.

- Jeremy Roenick went crazy on Twitter and we all benefitted from it. Thanks, JR.

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