Hornqvist not suspended! WE’RE OUTRAGED!

Patric Hornqvist was fined, not suspended for elbow to Seguin's head
So that criminal Patric Hornqvist did not get suspended and was simply fined by the NHL.

This, good sirs and madams, is an absolute outrage! We want him drawn and quartered! He should be suspended for as many years as Tyler Seguin has stitches!!!

We hate you NHL. Hornqvist had cleary been plotting the demise of Tyler Seguin for several seconds, perhaps even minutes, and you failed to do anything about it! The fact that Hornqvist is ever going to play hockey again is an insult to our fan base and our sport.

We hope every person in Nashville gets mauled by wild wolverines with rabbies and herpes. If the NHL won’t do anything, we will! WE’RE OUTRAGED!

So how did we show our disapproval of the violence in hockey?

BY BEING VIOLENT, OF COURSE! IT IS ON, BITCHES!

After the jump….. we teach the NHL a lesson by protesting, doing unspeakable things to pandas and having a DOY tea party…….

This is soooooooooooooooooooo ridiculous. Can’t believe the NHL didn’t elbow Hornqvist in the face as revenge!

We called the Boston police and demanded they deport Hornqvist back to wherever the hell he is from. They laughed in our faces and told us to call back when we had a real emergency.

Right after we heard the non-suspension news we organized a protest!  We told everyone a few thousand people were coming but really only eleven people showed up.


We demanded Nashville and Hornqvist pay!!!!!

When our protest didn’t work we decided to make example of the first thing we saw. Unfortunately for the panda population, we saw a panda. We named him Hornqvist and exacted symbolic revenge!!!!


See that Hornqvist!!?!?!?!?!?

Then we marched across Boston, flipping cop cars and destroying everything in our sight! The NHL still hadn’t called us to say Hornqvist was banned and Greg was getting PISSED.

All of a sudden he Hulked up and punched a train with a “Visit Nashville!” ad on it!


The people inside were innocent but we didn’t care because we need to show our outrage and disappointment!!!

Someone on the train said we were overracting and acting like a bunch of lil whiny wussies. So Robb whipped out his buster sword and chopped that mother f’ing train in half just to show how serious we were!!!!


We grew tired of seeing Bruins fans being oppressed by the NHL and couldn’t believe that Predator fans would defend and cheer for Hornqvist, that vile churl and villain. Justin snapped, dressed up as Zorro and challenged every Predator fan he met to a duel. They had it coming. Dicks.

Justin Zorro Predator fan

Then some douche walked up and told us Seguin was okay so everything is cool. Everything is cool?!?!!? Hornqvist is still allowed to play hockey! Everything isn’t cool, asshole! So we beat that bitch!


That will teach that guy to point out the obvious and say logical things. Jerk.

Finally, we decided to hit Nashville where it hurts. We heard a shipment of country music stars had arrived at Boston Harbor. We bolted to the harbor to find out Purrgeron had already subdued all the workers on the boat and then we all dumped those Nashville favorites right into the ocean! Days of Y’Orr Tea Party!!!!!!


You like that Nashville!?!? Because of Hornqvist, Tim McGraw, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood and Zombie Elvis are at the bottom of Boston Harbor!

Suck it, NHL. How dare you. HOW DARE YOU! You haven’t heard the last from us!

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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