As some of you may or may not know, back in January I won a Shawn Thornton jersey in a Guardian Project Give-a-Way from BallHyped. It’s now August and I’ve still yet to receive said hockey sweater.
Now I don’t blame BallHyped. It’s a great site and they were only hosting the contest. I blame RocketXL, the PR/marketing/socialmedia company that was the “brains” behind the contest but apparently aren’t able to do simple things like order a hockey jersey from NHL.com and have it mailed directly to the winner (being me).
It’s gotten to the point that I’m hanging these badlarries up around town.
I’m really worried that Shawn Thornton’s contract is going to be up before I ever get to put on that beautiful jersey. I mean I’ve been pretty nice about the whole situation, mostly because I want my free Thornton jersey. But seriously — eight months? It’s a hockey jersey, not a zygote.
Here’s a view of the collapsed email chain with these jokes:
Holy fuck balls.
After the jump… we figure out what RocketXL has been doing instead of sending a hockey jersey…
Why, oh, why does it take almost 8 months to get a hockey jersey to someone? Pretty sure the Bruins ProShop have them already made in storage. It only takes a few weeks for NHL.com to do a personalized jersey. RocketXL could’ve wired me the money and I could’ve done it myself and had this thing months ago.
So why is it taking so long? I did some investigation. For starters, RocketXL is based in Toronto (per their Facebook). Clearly these guys are still a little bitter about the whole Phil Kessel-Tyler Seguin thing.
Or maybe… no… no… it can’t be…
Awwww… what the fuck, guys? Serious? This explains so much.
Listen, Rocket(Richard)XL: Sorry PK Subban is a little bitch, alright? Sorry none of your precious Habs have the balls to take on Shawn Thornton. I still want my goddamn jersey, you dirty Canadiens bastards! Don’t punish me because your team are a bunch of smurfs. PS – Stop trying to suck on Youppie’s tits and get me my damn jersey.
But there had to be more than that, right? I mean, even Habs fans can work the Internet (as we found out by their ballot box stuffing for the ASG a few years back). So I did some more “digging.” Pictures from their own Facebook page reveal the shocking truth — no one is working at their desks (which apparently is a table top video game).
A goddamn ghost town. Where are they and what are they doing instead of working?
Drinking crappy Budweiser beers while in the office that’s what. And Canadian umbrella hats? Really? I don’t see my Thornton jersey anywhere, though.
Oh and hey… look! More drinking!
This guy was probably in charge of shipping. The Thornton jersey is most likely somewhere in China right now and reeking of old beer and hair gel thanks to him.
Purrgeron even snuck into one of their recent meetings to learn more about my Thornton jersey situation.
What are the chances of me seeing this jersey? I’m thinking less than the Islanders staying in Long Island.
Pretty much resigned to the fact that I’m never getting this jersey. What a joke. What a disappointment.
And for the record: the above pictures are all from RocketXL’s Facebook page and haven’t been edited in any form… except when they are.