Peeeeeters. Chara, Bruins Destroy Hurricanes.


Wow. Bruins are taking this whole “we can be super good when we want to be” thing seriously. In nine January games the Bruins have scored 36 goals. They have scored six or more goals in four of those games. They’re 4-1-0 in their last five games and still looked great in their loss to Pittsburgh. The consistently inconsistent Bruins seem to have gone into hibernation for a bit and the f up your shit Bruins from October seem to have re-emerged.

The most impressive part? They’re doing all this without getting much help from their “top line.”

Bergeron is ruining lives left and right. Goalies are having nightmares about him. Tim Thomas is getting shutouts and making it look easy. The kids like Marchand, Kampfer and Seguin are contributing more and more. Chara is responding to fans and media questioning his commitment. There’s a long way to go, but the Bruins are on the right path.

Their domination continued against the Hurricanes. After pulling Cam Ward after he let up two goal son five shots, Justin Peters entered the Hurricanes net and put on a clinic on “fastest ways to get sent back to the AHL.” Kind of hilarious. The Hurricanes were never really in the game. Hurricanes aren’t exactly the class of the East but they’re not terrible. And the Bruins just tore them apart. Awesome.

After the jump….. Thomas is better than you, Chara’s favorite band is Thrice and Bergeron continues to be a beast……


– Before people even get settled in their seats the Bruins are buzzing everywhere. There’s a feeling in the air.

– Just as we’re talking to the people next to us about Stuart being back he’s already making his presence known. Apparently he knows it is crowded on the Bruins blueline. Goal time for Stu. 1-0 Bruins. 

– Wow Bruins. Just a few minutes later Lucic scores. Looks like guys who are coming back from injury are scoring. 2-0 Bruins.

– But wait… even though the Bruins had the puck for like 8 years apparently Chara slashed someone and the goal doesn’t count. No idea why the refs would let the Bruins play the puck that long if there was a penalty. Must’ve felt bad for the Canes. Oh well. Still 1-0 Bruins.

– Carolina trying to get something going on the powerplay but the Bruins D and Thomas aren’t even worried.

– Oh man. Chara SMASH! Apparently Chara was upset about the refs taking that goal away. He comes out of the box and the Bruins are on a two on one. Chara fires. Goal. 2-0 for real this time.

– Chara skates by the ref and tells him to suck it.

– McQuaid has an assist on each of the two goals. Him and Stuart trying to put on a show to not get traded? Hey someone’s gotta go right? Kampfer has pretty much earned his spot now.

– Canes pull Ward and put Justin Peters in. Oh that poor bastard.

– Speaking of Kampfer (who had a good game despite not being able to breath out of his nose), it is time for a plug. Our pal Colleen Keenan (of Super Boychuk shirt fame) designed a Kampfer shirt (as well as some other shirts). Check ’em out.

– Bruins are everywhere. They make line changes and the waves of attack just keep coming. Canes can’t handle it. Ryan Carter hooks Tyler Seguin. Powerplay time.

– Thirty seconds in Eric Staal decides it is a super good idea to hook Mark Recchi. Bruins are going five on three. This could be good.

– That didn’t take long. Chara unleashes a slap shot and beats Justin Peters. 3-0 Bruins. Guess pulling Ward wasn’t the right move, eh? Wasn’t his fault.

– Boychuk gets called for interference and has some words with Ruutu and Skinner. You boys do NOT want a piece of the Boychuk.

– Period ends with Bruins up 3-0 and Canes licking their wounds.

– Second period was weird. Back and forth action but things were kind of quiet until there was about five minutes left. To be honest we didn’t take many notes. There was some rancid whore who kept getting upset at us every time we cheered. We yelled things at Eric Staal. She gave us dirty looks.

– I mean, at one point she looked at the two guys next to us, who were chatting about the game, and said “Could you quiet down! I’m trying to watch a hockey game!!!” So then maybe watch it at home next time bitch.

– If you know us, you know it is a bad idea to say something like that around us. For the rest of the period we cheered even louder anytime the Bruins did anything. At all. Seriously. You’re mad that people are cheering at a hockey game? Go back to Fenway skank.

– Wheeler seemed to fit in with his new line. Thornton and Campbell are cool like that. The trio was all over Carolina when Thornton took the puck and headed into their zone. He had some sweet ass moves but Peters surprisingly made a save.

– Then Shawn “Wayne” Thornton used his awesome passing skills to set up Campbell. The perfect pass hits Campbell. Goal city. Thornton is awesome and Campbell continues to prove he was more than a throw in when the Bruins traded for Horton. Campbell scores as he falls. 4-0 Bruins.

– Canes coming apart at the seams.

– We were watching the Jumbotron and looking at the replay of that awesome pass. All of a sudden the red light is on. Bergeron’s hands are up. Umm… what?

– Yeah had to watch that replay too. Bergeron basically just schooled bitches. 5-0 Bruins. This is getting out of hand.

– Bergeron is on fire. Guy’s got hot hands. 

– I guess nobody explained basic hockey rules to Justin Peters. Wheeler comes in on a good opportunity but barely misses. Justin Peters then grabs Wheeler’s leg. No joke. He lunged at it. Held on to it. Took Wheeler down. No idea how Peters thought that was a good move. It looked something like this:

– This kid should probably expect a call from his coach that he’s been demoted. To Antarctica. Wow. Crowd gets all over him. It was pretty funny.

– B’s don’t do much with the powerplay but they still end the period up by 5.

– About twenty seconds in Bergeron skates in on Peters but Peters makes the save. Bergeron didn’t touch him. Didn’t snow him. Yet for some reason Peters decides to push Bergeron to the ice. This guy could not possibly be any dumber. Bruins going on the powerplay again. Really though, I mean…. this guy made it to the NHL? Doesn’t say a whole lot about Carolina’s prospect goalies if this guy is backing up Ward.

– Less than three minutes in and the Bruins embarrass Peters again. Seidenberg takes a slapper and Ryder redirects. Goooooooal time. 6-0. Wow, ha.

– TD Garden crowd raining down chants of Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeters. Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeters. Usually we like to think goalies are mentally tough enough to handle this kind of stuff but with Peters we’re not so sure. He looked awful.

– At the other end, Tim Thomas was doing what Justin Peters dreams of. Making saves. Thomas is awesome. He could not have looked any sharper today.

– Every time Peters makes a save the crowd mock cheers him. Fantastic. We don’t agree with doing that to your own goalie, but doing it to an opposing goalie is just hilarious.

– Peters makes an easy save and Justin yells “Nice save Peters!” That idiot woman in front of us turns around and glares at him. Go watch the game at a library next time you asshole.

– That pesky Brad Marchand makes Jussi Jokinen rough him. Awesome. Love you Marchand. Bruins going back on the powerplay. This Canes just won’t learn.

– The crowd is calling for Chara to shoot every time he touches the puck. Not every day you see a hat trick, never mind one from a defenseman. But Chara smells blood.

– Bergeron and Chara taking target practice on Peters. Peters moving side to side really slow. Bad news for the Canes. 

– Chara decides his favorite band is Thrice. Booming slapshot. Red light on. It is raining hats at the TD Garden. 7-0 Bruins as Chara celebrates.

– What a beastly performance by Chara. Jebus. 

– Time running down. Now that Chara has his hat trick the focus turns to Thomas. He’s going for the shutout. Let’s do this.

– So Troy Bodie starts with Mark Stuart, likely knowing Stuart is coming back from a broken finger. Adam McQuaid skates over and says hey asshole, lets rumble. Don’t even care that McQuaid got an instigator penalty. It is a stupid rule and someone needed to kick Bodie’s ass. McQuaid certainly accomplished that.

– McQuaid is a beast. Learn that Hurricanes. Learn it.

– B’s don’t care that they are up 7-0. They keep pressing. They almost have another four goals. Canes seemed pissed by this. Whatever, this isn’t pee-wee hockey. The Bruins are supposed to stop because you’re not good enough to stop them yourselves? Go F yourself Carolina. Isn’t Nascar on or something?

– Clock ticking down. Bruins have Canes pinned in their own end. Looks like Thomas is getting the shut out. Canes get the puck with like two seconds left. Ruutu fires on Thomas from the neutral zone as time expires. Shawn Thornton tries to make him pay but the refs are all over it. Don’t worry Ruutu… Thornton is going to see you tomorrow.

– Tim gets the shutout. This is becoming too easy for him.

– Bruins and Canes meet again tomorrow night. Should be a good one. Awesome.

About Trashboy Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.