The last NHL Wheel of Punishment was such a success, the NHL offices have decided to do it again. Unfortunately, the second round of NHL Wheel of Punishment involves another Bruin, this time Zdeno Chara. Let’s shoot things over the Colin Campbell, take it away Colin!
Colin: Welcome back to the NHL’s only wheel based punishment show! Last month we saw a fantastic show that involved Dan Paille, Anton Volchenkov and our favorite contestant, Matt Cooke! Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite host, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE’S GARY!!
Gary Bettmen: Thank you, thank you! You people are far too kind, come on…CUT, IT, OUT…oh yeah! We have a fantastic show for you tonight. For those of you watching at home for the first time, our NHL superstars who have made questionable plays during games come on to the show to spin the wheel. Whatever the wheel lands on is what their punishment will be. It could be 10 games, it could be 20 or it could be a banana. The wheel knows all! Let’s meet our contestants!
After the jump, we meet our contestants and play…WHEEL! OF! PUNISHMENT!
GB: Our first contestant comes to us from the Boston Bruins. He holds the NHL record for largest man on skates and the hardest shot in the shot competition. He’s from some country I can’t pronounce. He loves long walks on the beach, an ice cold Coca-Cola and wearing big ass footy pajamas – say hello to ZEDNO CHARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Zdeno Chara: Thank you for having me. I do love foot pajamas.
GB: Good for you big guy. Our second comes from Long Island. When he’s not skating in front of 12 people he enjoys giving babies elbow drops, punting midgets and putting flaming bags of poop on old people’s doorsteps. His name is TREVOR GILLIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Trevor Gillies: You shut your [expletive deleted] mouthes before I [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] face!
GB: There we go! I love the passion! Okay, we flipped a coin and Trevor, you’re spinning first. Before you spin the wheel, lets take a look at what brought you here today.
GB: Anything to say before you spin the wheel, Trevor?
TG: Yeah, [expletive deleted] that [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] Cal [expletive deleted] Clutterbuck. What a stupid [expletive deleted] name too! [expletive deleted] that [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].
GB: I agree! Spin the wheel raggity man!
GB: So close to nothing Trevor! Personally, I’d give you no games because Cal Clutterbuck IS a stupid name! HEHEHE. Over to you Colin!
CC: Is it your time of the month? Are you not feeling fresh during this time? Get yourself some HABPAX brand tampons! Used by most Montreal fans, the absorbentcy can handle any heavy flow, bitching, moaning, complaining and crying you can throw at it. When you’re being a whiny bitch, HABPAX is the brand for you! HABPAX – We know crying! Back to you Gary!
GB: Lastly is Zdeno Chara. Big man, lets see why you’re here!
GB: Ouch! Anything to say before you spin the wheel?
ZC: CHARA MAD! CHARA SMASH!
GB: Oh the banana! GIVE THE MAN A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANANA!! Anything else you want to say Z?