Where were the Bruins? Lightning Win

Terrible faceoffs. No front of the net presence in the offensive zone. Making no adjustments to counter Tampa Bay’s shot blocking. Pretending Roloson had a target on his chest and shooting there. Getting painfully out coached.

That was pretty much the Bruins last night. They started off good but it became painfully obviously fairly quickly that the Lightning were the much better prepared team and the better coached team last night.

Also, we miss Patrice.

Look, we’re not on the bandwagon that says giving Seguin a bunch of playing time is going to make the Bruins storm to a Stanley Cup victory but facts are facts. The kid came out on fire, showed a lot of heart and hustle… and barely saw any ice time. He scored Boston’s first goal on a beautiful play and has the speed to keep up with Tampa. And with the powerplay continually setting new lows, why not give the kid a shot? Julien’s stubbornness, in part, cost the Bruins last night. So did an ass ton of shitty play.

But whatever. Still six games left in this series. If we’ve learned anything about this year’s playoff version of the Bruins it is that they are resilient. We expect a much better effort Tuesday night. 

After the jump…. B’s lost in 85 seconds on the powerplay couldn’t possibly suck more than it does….

– Marchand’s got a mohawk for this series. He means business. He stole the middle part of Recchi’s hair!

– Sweet jesus it is nice to have the Bruins back. Conference Finals bitches. Lets do this. Time to Go!

– Hope this series is over in two games. Can’t take much more Pierre McGuire. He is awful.

– Bruins tossing the body around. Fantastic. Exactly what they need to do against the Lightning. Break them Bruins!

– B’s firing pucks and going for rebounds. Only two minutes in and we already love what they’re doing.

– Greaaaaaaat stop by the B’s to break up a play. That looked like a sure goal. B’s get a similar situation at the other end but Stamkos breaks it up.

– Tampa is good at blocking shots. That is going to get reaaaaaaaaaaaally annoying.

– B’s so focused so far. Some good set ups but Tampa with some strong D.

– Pierre McGuire bangs goats. Just saying.

– BIG SAVE BY THOMAS. Dear god we already miss Jack Edwards. F you Versus.

– Good to see Marchand is still busy being a beast.

– B’s haven’t played a team as willing to block shots yet as the Lightning. Going to have to make some adjustments to counter that. Great action so far though.

– Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. B’s can get to a rebound and Bergenheim puts it home. Seidenberg lost his stick and couldn’t get the puck out. 1-0. Lightning. Boo.

– Well…. just… wow. 2-0 Lightning. Don’t even care who scored it. What an awful, awful play.

– Pierre McGuire just compared Clark to Ray Bourque. What a fucking moron. Just shut up Pierre.

– Wow. Just wow. What a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE turnover and it is 3-0. Bruins getting abused after a strong start. Come on Kaberle. Seidenberg and Kaberle just screwed up royally. 

– Lucic just drilled Ohlund. At least B’s are still showing some life. This game could get out of hand if they don’t get a goal soon.

– Already sick of the “Lightning struck” puns.

– Welcome to the mother fucking playoffs Tyler Seguin. What a move and what a goal. Thank you kid. Seriously. B’s needed that baaaaaaaaaaad. 3-1 Bruins.

– Seriously. That was pretty. Hopefully this lights a bigger spark. B’s need to put that terrible 85 seconds they had behind them.

– Wow Jeremy Jacobs finally decided to take in a game. Nice of an owner to, you know, show up. Driving the bandwagon?

– Period over. Strong start ruined by an 85 second span of just terrible play. Hopefully B’s respond.

We didn’t take notes during the second period. We played a drinking game where any time Versus mentioned Tampa Bay’s 1-3-1 scheme or the Bruins passed when they should have shot, we took a shot. 7 deaths, 3 comas and a lot of pumped stomachs later we decided to stop. Onto the third period!

– First two periods saw the B’s fail to make adjustments. Can they do it and comeback? 20 minutes to do it.

– Cloooooooose. Thornton almost beat Roloson with a wraparound chance. They need to make him work. Roloson has had an easy night so far.

–  We know Seguin is playing in his first playoff game and we’re not saying he’s going to engineer the comeback himself, but don’t think he should be glued to the bench either. Try him out on the powerplay Claude. Can’t hurt at this point.

– See? Seguin on the ice and almost scores again. Give the kid some more minutes Claude. The rest of the team isn’t exactly lighting it up at this point.

– And Boychuk just CRUSHED Stamkos. Boychuk owns the sideboards. That is his territory Stamkos. Don’t trepass.

– Another HUGE save by Thomas. He is doing his part. Now his teammates need a couple goals.

– Boo. B’s on the powerplay. Here, we’ll tell you how this is going to go: pass, pass, pass, pass, predictable Chara one timer, pass, pass, shot into Tampa Bay skater, Tampa Bay clear, rinse, repeat.

– That powerplay surprisngly had a few good chances but nothing goes in. PP over, B’s still down by two.

–  Seguin and Marchand on the same line for a shift. Wouldn’t mind seeing that pairing develop. Hmmmmmm.

– B’s pressing now but no one in front of the net. These long shots are not going to go in. They need to get some rebounds and redirects. Come on guys.

–  Tampa Bay skaters were just gassed… instead of getting the first line on the ice… B’s shot directly into Roloson’s chest and got a whistle. B’s defeating themselves here in the third.

– Boychuk just leveled Gagne with a clean hit then that pussy Lecavalier comes over. Boychuk snaps a bit and punches Lecavalier in the face. Lecavalier cries and thanks God he’s not dead. Only Boychuk goes to the box which is crap. PK time for the B’s. Marchand tried his best to get the Lightning to take a penalty but no calls.

–  Marchand just tripped Roloson. He’s a fiesty little man.

– And there is the dagger. M.A. Bergeron gets the powerplay goal. 4-1 Tampa Bay. 

– Gagne gets the empty netter. 5-1. No effort or compete from the B’s right now.

– Seguin digs a puck out of the corner and gets it to Boychuk. Boychuk fires and it ricochets off of M.A. Bergeron and past Roloson. 5-2 but this game was over a long time ago.

– Boychuk had one hell of a game all around. Boychuk, Seguin and Marchand did the B’s proud.

– Horton nailed Moore and then Lucic nailed Hedman as a crowd gathers. B’s frustrated. Maybe sending a message. Who knows. Stupid, stupid penalties though. No need for that shit guys. Beat them on the scoreboard next time.

– Bottom line… Tampa Bay was the better prepared team. B’s will bounce back on Tuesday. Just one game. Bruins know they didn’t play well.

About Trashboy Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.