Why Vancouver is Dumb: Volume 1

Vancouver is dumb. Really, really dumb.

Now, we know that isn’t a surprise or some profound statement. But based on most of the comments we read/receive, it sounds like most of the city is watching hockey for the first time this post season.

Now, we know there are some good Canucks fans. For example, there is a fine gent by the name of Artem Chubarov who we’ve had a few good, rational conversations with on Twitter. Unfortunately, he seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

We’re not just talking fans here either. The media up there is increasingly dumb as well.

A lot of Vancouver fans are smack talking us, asking how we can make fun of the Canucks when they’re up 2-0 in the series. Obviously they are not familiar with our blog.

We know how much you, the Days of Y’Orr fans, love stupidty from the opposition, and believe us the citizens of Vancouver are giving us PLENTY of reason to make fun of them. So we decided to chronicle the idiocy of Vancouver in a new segment called “Why Vancouver is Dumb.”


After the jump….we go over an awesome piece of hate mail we received from a Canucks fan……

Here at Days of Y’Orr we receive lots of hate mail and hate Tweets. People make fun of us, our penises (penii?), our moms, our dogs and even our beards. And we love every second of it!

Today, we thought we’d share an especially “hilarious” piece of email that is so poorly written and not insulting that we were disappointed. If you’re going to trash us and make fun of us please please PLEASE make sense and make it good. We love a good roasting!

Like most Canucks fans, however, this guy is either inbred or was kicked in the head by a moose. First we’ll show you his email, then we’ll analyze it, then we’ll show you the response we emailed back to him.

THE EMAIL


THE ANALYSIS

Apparently Brad is a huge fan of the Cowhead radio show because he certainly used some naughty language. 90% of the emails we get start off by calling us “faggots” which is tiresome. Please be more original.

He had “fuck” in there twice in the first sentence which is typical of the hate me we receive and at least he is trying to display the diversity of the word.

He loses us a bit when he calls Bergeron a concussion. Bergeron is not a concussion. He has had a few concussions but he is not physically a concussion. Since this guy obviously had trouble understanding the meaning of words, we figured we define the word concussion for him:


Bergeron is a person, a hockey player. He is certainly not an “injury to the brain or spinal cord” so this guy is already failing hard. Our research leads us to believe he meant to make a crack about how Bergeron has had concussions. At least he has twice the amount of testicles Sami Salo has. We think we’re getting concussions reading this guy’s stupid email.

He then goes on to call Bergeron a pussy for “sticking his finger in Burrows’ mouth” which is ironic on several levels.

First, there is clear, indisputable evidence that Burrows grabbed Bergeron’s hand and bit down. There are multiple videos, pictures, etc. I guess this guy doesn’t like pure and simple facts. Second, no real man bites another man. That is what cowards and pussies do. Biting is for babies. Third, he called Bergeron a pussy, yet created a fake email account and shut it down after he emailed us. I guess he is afraid but at least he is the walking definition of a coward (btw if you’re reading this, “coward” is another word for pussy Brad, just so we’re on the same page).

Really, overall just a really really poor email. Not sure why we expected better from a Canucks fan but we did.

OUR REPLY

Unfortunately because Brad deleted his email, it was returned to us. Here is what we tried to send to him:

____________________________________________________________________________________
Brad,

We apprecaite your interest in Days of Y’Orr.

While your grammar is sub par and your insults do not resemble anything making any sort of sense, we still appreciate that you took the time to write to us.

Here at Days of Y’Orr, our motto is “We’re not happy until you’re not happy” and quite clearly you are not happy with us, which absolutely makes us thrilled! The fact you took the time to create a fake email and then called us pussies is hilariously ironic (based on your spelling, sentence structure and grammar we figure you may need us to define big words so here it goes):

ironic [ahy-ron-ik]
–adjective
1. containing or exemplifying irony: an ironic novel; an ironic remark.
2. ironical.
3. coincidental; unexpected: It was ironic that I was seated next to my ex-husband at the dinner.

If you took the time to write into us and call us faggots, we obviously said something that upset you and quite honestly we could not possibly be any happier. We hope you continue to stop by and email us as we thoroughly enjoyed you perpetuating the stereotype that people in Vancouver are inbred, bigoted hicks.

perpetuate [per-pech-oo-eyt]
–verb (used with object), -at·ed, -at·ing.
1. to make perpetual
2. save, maintain, sustain.

Thanks again,

Love,

The Days of Y’Orr staff.

P.S. Our love for you is simply platonic, as you made it quite clear that any sort of actual guy love deeply offends you.
____________________________________________________________________________________

That is all for now folks! We’ll have another installment of “Why Vancouver is Dumb” tomorrow!

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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