If you’ve missed all the fun stuff, Tim Thomas is talking about taking next year off. There’s a few theories out there as to why this is happening. Some people think it’s Thomas’ way of making his own “No Trade Clause” since his will be up in July. Who would want to trade for a goalie, still have to take the $5M cap hit and have him sit out? No one.
And yes, either the Bruins or another team would still have to pay him:
@TheBruinsBlog Suspended, retired, abducted by aliens, doesn’t matter. Counts against the cap no matter what.
— Bob McKenzie (@TSNBobMcKenzie) June 1, 2012
We at Days of Y’Orr have a different theory though. We believe that Thomas is taking the time off because he now has other avenues in life he wants to pursue. It’s possible that Tim Thomas is going through a mid-life crisis and he wants to start crossing things off of his bucket list before he kicks the virtual bucket. We’ve contacted our “source” (aka Patrice Purrgeron) and he provided us with a list that he found when he was going through Tim Thomas’ stuff in the Bruins locker room during a game hanging out with Tim Thomas.
After the jump…THE LIST!...
10. Tim Wants To Participate In The Tea Party Campaign.
Bet you thought we were going somewhere else with that.
9. He Wants The Thrill Of Hunting Jaws.
Universal is planning on shutting down the Jaws ride. How terrible. For Tim Thomas, his love for Jaws isn’t just in the movies, but in the water as well.
Shark’s in the water. His shark.
8. Movie Actor.
There’s a rumor that The Patriot will be the next villain in Iron Man 3. Well who is a bigger Patriot than Tim Thomas? NO ONE! We sent Purrgeron on a mission and this is what he came back with:
7. Pulling a “Haggs”.
We all know Haggs. Everyone has varying opinions on Haggs. Hell, everyone has varying opinions about us, that’s just how the world works. Tim Thomas, though, is taking a year off to pull a Haggs. He’ll be following Haggs every day, searching for his own name on Twitter, commenting the hate mail, retweeting the love mail and then writing about Haggs isn’t a team player for Team Haggs. Timmy has a nice spot on the lawn though.
6. WWE Career.
Thomas has a love of theatrics. He can put on quite a show on the ice, so naturally that would carry over to the ring right? With Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman once taking part in WCW, it’s only natural that Thomas would gravitate towards wrestling.
5. Start an MC.
Every badass ride a motorcycle. Every extreme badass rides a motorcycle while wearing patches. When Timmy hangs up the skates, it’s obvious that he’s going to start a rowdy MC in the heart of Colorado. Hell, he even may get a TV out of it. I hope it’s better than “The Devils Ride” because that show is fucking terrible. It’s like Sons of Anarchy, but lame. It’s more like Sons of Shitty Programing.
4. Working At 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.
They’re opening a new 5 Guys on 114 in Peabody and I’m sure they’re looking for someone with the magical touch. It’s obvious that with Thomas’ unorthodox style, it would prove well when flipping hamburgers. Plus people in Montreal think he’s fat, so we’ll go with that too.
You doesn’t love it when they are done having 5 guys in their mouth and then have to suck the remains off of their fingers? I know I do.
3. Start A Company Where He Has No Idea What He’s Doing And Get An Assload Of Money To Fail.
2. Slaying Zombies
Jesus Christ. People in Miami are eating each other. People in California are ripping out each others hearts, literally. Moms in Texas are eating their baby’s brains. Folks, the zombie apocalypse is fast approaching. Who better to save us?
Tim fucking Thomas, that’s who.
Many people may not know this about Thomas, but he’s an avid zombie slayer. I mean, look what he did to Anze Kopitar and he’s one quarter zombie.