62. New Jersey Devils at Boston Bruins. SON OF THE DEVIL, KNEEL BEFORE ZANON!

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Is it wrong of me that I want Greg Zanon to step out onto the ice, grab Patrick Elias by the helmet, rip his head off and then scream into the air? If it is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Look, Greg Zanon is fucking terrifying, especially if you compare him with Steve Kampfer. Kampfer is like a little kitten and trading him for Zanon is like throwing that little kitten towards a starving lion. He looks like an axe murderer and from some of the clips I’ve seen, he plays like one too. 

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It’s fucking awesome, to be honest. There’s also a rumor that Zanon will be pairing with Johnny Boychuk, which means that the Mayans were right and there will be an Apocalypse..ON SOULS! Hopefully Johnny will enroll Zanon in Destroychuk University and teach him the power of the soul grab. 

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But tonight is also going to be a milestone for one team because it will include a win. The Devils have lost their last 3 games while the Bruins may have suffered their most deflating loss of the season, losing a passionless game 1-0. If it wasn’t for Tim Thomas, the Bruins probably would have lost by 5 or 6. Either way, losing by 1 or losing by 6, you’re still losing. The hope is that the Bruins got pissed off from the loss and will finally wake up from their 2 month hibernation. 

Then again, we’ve been through this before. In truth, I don’t care if they lose every game from now until April – so long that the team makes the playoffs. I think this squad can “turn it on” when they need to. Though when you look at the standings, someone is creeping up on Boston. Ottawa’s win Tuesday night put them one point back of the Bruins. Since it’s March (what?) it’s never to late to start looking at the playoffs. With that said, let’s play a game of ‘What If’

What If…the Bruins win the Northeast Division:

Bruins will most likely be the number 2 seed. There’s little chance they catch the Rangers for the top spot overall and there’s little chance that whoever makes it out of the Southeast Division catches Boston. As it stands, Florida is currently the top team in the Southeast and they’re 5 points behind Boston. The bottom of the conference (and when I say bottom, I mean the 6-7-8 spots not Canadiens bottom) is still a little murky because most of the teams are within a point or two of one another. 

But if the playoffs started today, the Bruins will be matched up with non other than the New Jersey Devils.

If all the top seeds were to win the first round, the Bruins would play the Southeast winner in the playoffs and the Rangers would play the 4th seed, which is the Penguins. How great would it be for the Bruins to play a team like Ottawa or New Jersey in the first round and then play the Panthers in the second? 

What If…the Bruins don’t win the Northeast Division: 

Lets say that the playoffs ended today but Ottawa has 78 points and finish in first in the Northeast Division. The Bruins would end up in 5th place in the East and their first round opponent would be none of than the Pittsburgh Penguins. 

If all the top seeds were to win the first round, the Bruins are playing golf somewhere. Shit, even if Boston were to beat Pittsburgh and the rest of the top seeds were to win, Boston would be facing off against New York. 

That’s a tough road to go down if you want to repeat. 

But tonight isn’t about ‘what if’s’, tonight is about points. It’s time to legitimately worry about the Ottawa Senators. Yes, they’re so green they piss grass but that doesn’t mean a small losing streak by the Bruins couldn’t propel them into the division lead. 

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After the jump…more Bruins-ness!...


Projected Bruins Lines

Notes: Seidenberg and Chara pair up. Zanon and Boychuk destroy villages and eat children. Thomas gets the start because he was great against Ottawa. Also, send Jordan Caron back to I-95, bring up Carter Camper and let Rolston play wing. 

Milan Lucic – Chris Kelly – David Krejci
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Tyler Seguin
Beniot Pouliot – Brian Rolston – Jordan Caron
Dan Paille – Greg Campbell – Shawn Thornton

Zdeno Chara – Dennis Seidenberg
Johnny Boychuk – Greg Zanon
Adam McQuaid – Andrew Ference

Tim Thomas
Tuukka Rask

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