Days of Y’Orr NHL 13 Lockout? A Patrice Purrgeron Report

purrgeron desk
Patrice Purrgeron: 
Good evening, I’m Patrice Purrgeron with an exclusive report on a potential lockout that could shake up the video game world. Earlier we reported that the famed Boston Bruins blog, Days of Y’Orr, will be running their first ever NHL 13 GM Connected League for the Xbox 360. Inside sources have told me to hold the phone that the league may not happen. We go to a baby in a mustache with cake on her face. Baby:

babypez
Baby In A Mustache With Cake On Her Face: Thanks Patrice. I’m currently outside the DOY Headquarters where there is talks that the league won’t get off of the ground. Initially, Commissioner Greg Ezell and the DOYPA met to discuss terms and regulations for the league. It was thought that the Commissioner and the PA were on good terms as both left DOYHQ with smiles on their faces, but it was later confirmed that the dentist office above HQ had a laughing gas leak and everyone was incredibly high.

After both sides came down from their high, they met again at the table and it seems that both sides are “far apart”. Commissioner Ezell sent a proposal to the DOYPA which was immediately rejected by PA President Jon Fucile. Back to you Patrice.

Patrice Purrgeron: Thank you Baby In A Mustache With Cake On Her Face. The proposal that BINAWCOHF mentioned was released to the public late Friday afternoon which reads as follows:

Listen jerkoffs,

We need to get a deal done by September 15th or we’re not going to have a league to come home to. Let’s just get this done as quickly as possible. I am not going to front the purchase of this game. You guys are all working slobs so you can afford it. Also, I know our original agreement was 57/43 split of beer and pizza consumption in your favor, but that shit isn’t going to work anymore. LOOK AT ME! I’m wasting away over here. You think it’s easy trying to deal with a baby with a fucking mustache? NO ITS NOT.

I am offering you a 46/54 spilt of pizza and beer consumption. You douches figure out who is going to get that 46% consumption because I could care less. Also, don’t touch my fucking Batman comics again or I will teabag your drumset!

With Love,
The Best Commissioner Ever

The proposal was sent to the DOYPA in July and PA President Jon Fucile immediately rejected the proposal. The DOYPA made a counter offer with a letter that was leaked to the public:

Hey stupid,

We don’t care about your baby and her facial hair. The only thing we care is about playing hockey. Although we are happily living in our refridgerator boxes with our 4.5 children, we can’t survive. Sure, we have options to go play other games with other leagues and there’s a chance that we’ll do that because the money is right, you don’t have a right to not pay us! WE NEED ALL THAT PIZZA AND ALL THAT BEER! We’re just virtual players putting our virtual bodies on the line every night while you sit in your lucious two bedroom apartment!

There was nothing wrong with our last agreement. We bought the game and because we bought the game we were able to get most of the pizza and most of the beer. You still had all your pizza and all your beer and sometimes you didn’t even need that! It’s not our fault that you gave out ridiculous amounts of your pizza and your beer to us! You can’t do that and then go crying hungry! You jerk!

Also, I stole The Killing Joke and you’re not getting it back. Plus Dark Victory sucks, just like you!

Go Fuck Yourself,
PA President Jon Fucile

There is no word if or when Commissioner Ezell will look over the DOYPA counter offer, which PA President Jon Fucile is calling an “alternative view” of “his butt”. EA Sports, which annually puts out NHL 13 is offering a “Commissioner Ezell Lock Out” Special Edition. With a special metal cover comes nothing else because you’re locked out. 

lockout
The DOYPA has started to release posters in protest of the Commissioner and EA Sports. 

DOYPA
DOY News will update any and all breaking news as it unfolds. 


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