I fucking hate St. Patrick’s Day jerseys. They’re the fucking worst, especially when a team’s color scheme has absolutely nothing to do with the color green or the Irish people. First, St. Patrick’s Day has become some fucked up, drunken booze-fest where people use it as an excuse to get absolutely hammered and eat corned beef. Now sports are using it to have ugly fucking jerseys. Here’s a novel idea, don’t do it! There’s nothing worse then when a team comes up with a gimmicky jersey so they can post it and tweet it and say “ZOMG YOU WANT THIS!” and shove it straight up your fucking corn hole. So where does all this venom for St. Patrick’s Day jerseys come from? Well yesterday the Boston Bruins Twitter account posted this bad Larry:
— Boston Bruins (@NHLBruins) March 7, 2012
Oh and look, the tweet mentions it’s available in the Pro Shop! WHOOPIE! For those who can’t see the photo, here it is:
Jesus fucking Christ. There’s so many things wrong with this picture. Let’s begin with the obvious:
1. Instagram sucks. STOP USING FUCKING INSTAGRAM. There’s absolutely no need to put a filter on a photo unless you’re some self-aware overweight behemoth of a woman and you’re trying to look “sexy”. There’s no need for a pro sports team to be putting filters on fucking pictures. Just use the picture as it was intended. You’re not some fucking photography major. You’re not some fucking art major. No one gives a shit about the contrast of the ice/grass/court as compared to the player’s standing on top of it. If this Lucic picture was in color, no one would say ‘I WUNDER WAT COLUR THAT JER-Z IS. DURRRRR!” Fucking blow me.
2. Black + Gold Does Not Equal Green. Is there any other team further away on the color spectrum than the Boston Bruins in terms of wearing green? Seriously. Who wakes up in the morning and says: “You know what I’d like to purchase on this brisk day? A green Boston Bruins hockey sweater!” because if someone did, please pick up a knife, turn the blade to your face and punch yourself over and over and over.
Skip to the 1:00 mark on what to keep doing.
It’s not just hockey where it happens though. It’s all sports. Here are some more examples:
And guess what. NONE OF THEM HAVE THE COLOR GREEN AS THEIR NORMAL COLORS.
It’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing. What’s next? For Christmas, everyone is going to don some red and green abortion with a stocking cap and Santa Clause on the front? For Easter are the jerseys going to look like Easter Eggs? I have a better idea, on St. Patrick’s Day, wear your normal fucking jersey whether it be a home, road or alternate. Anything else is for chumps.
Unless your the Celtics, which is a-okay in my book because ITS GREEN and its IRISH. Shocker.
Also, Celtics, use it as your alternate. Kthnx.