NESN shoots snuff film. BRUINS WIN!




You know a game is good when a goalie gets a shutout and is only the third star. Horton was a beast and he didn’t even make it into the three stars. Wow. Just wow. The Bruins definitly hit the Easy Button for this game. Was Calgary even there or did the Bruins just put Flames goalies into a shooting range?

Everyone scored last night. Even one of the zamboni drivers and that kid with the helmet. It was the worst Boston Massacre since… ummm… the Boston Massacre. Look at Calgary’s plus/minus:


Only one guy (Brodie) escaped without a minus and that took some kind of miracle. Mr. Butler….. you should be ashamed of yourself. ASHAMED!



After the jump….. nine, nine, everywhere a nine…..

Positives
- Everything.

- It began with The Kid:





Seguin played one of his best games in a while. Even without the points he was everywhere and made a ton of great plays to either keep the puck in the offensive zone or to steal the puck away from Calgary.


- Then Lucic decided he wanted to play a hilarious prank on Calgary:






Oh that Lucic! You’re so silly!

- Krejci was talking to Horton on the bench and said “You know, Rene has inspired me to do an epic fistpump tonight! I’ll be right back!”



Awesome fistpump Krejci. No one can ever beat Rene at that, but yours was still awesome. Sweet goal too buddy.


Pretty much how you guys should look at this point.

- Perhaps the Flames thought things would calm down in the second period. Unfortunately for them Patrice “Mother Fucking” Bergeron had other plans:




Both.

- We would like to take a quick break from goals to acknowledge how well Pouliot has been playing lately. He stepped seamlessly into the Bergeron line with Seguin and the trio kicked tons of ass. Pouliot had about a billion assists last night. Crazy!

- Chris Kelly is the man. He decided Calgary need to learn from his sweet ass moves and schooled those bitches.




- If you didn’t see the game and it seems like we are making this recap up, you missed out on an awesome time. 5-0 right now. You know, the Bruins probably started to feel bad for the Flames right about now, right? WRONG!

- Horton has been struggling lately. You know it. We know it. He knows it. He scored against the Devils and said that he hoped it would open the flood gates for him. At least for one night the flood gates were blown open.




- Horton got a taste of blood and he LOVED it. He wanted more. The Flames stood by helpless as Horton charged the net again!





- For a little while it seemed like the Bruins took pity on the Flames. They were taking their time, watching the time wind down. Then Bergeron realized Horton had two goals and was like psh trying to show me up, eh Smiles?!




- Paille was so bored with how easy penalty kills were against the Flames so he started baking a pie on the bench and dreaming about scoring on a breakaway.


Then he started reading DOY and said to himself “Oh really assholes?! I can’t score on a breakaway!? WATCH THIS!”







Point taken. Sorry little buddy.

- Our pal Sean Tuohey who started the “WE WANT TEN!” chant. Classic Sean. Classic. Too bad they didn’t get there though.

- Chara got his 300th NHL assist last night. Like the Boston goalies, Chara has been an absolute beast lately. Not that he’s ever bad but he has taken his game to a new level. You’re the man big guy!


- Tuuuuuuuuuuuuukka Rask. Three shutouts in his last four starts. The guy has been an absolute beast.


Even if the Bruins didn’t score a million goals Rask wasn’t letting anything in. He had the net locked down like the Center for Disease Control in the Walking Dead. The Flames called Rick and tried to get his help but even he didn’t want to take on Rask.


- The sweet and tender text messages between Seguin and Marchand, who was out with “flu like symptoms.” Crabs are itchy.


Negatives

- Poor Iginla. He deserves to be on a better team. Most of the DOY staff LOVES Iginla as a player and it was just sad to see him take this beating.

- Peter Chiarelli. Seriously dude, when are you going to do something to improve this offense? This team can’t even get to ten goals in a game. But keep ignoring this glaring offense issue Peter! What a jerk.

- You if you didn’t realize the above statement is 100% sarcastic.

LingeringQuestions
- When will the hockey gods have mercy and get Iginla out of Calgary? Jarome… you deserve a Cup. Waive that no trade clause buddy! PLEASE! Go somewhere that will at least provide some kind of shot at glory.

- Some guy last night suggested the Bruins trade Hamill for Iginla. Exactly how drunk was this guy and how did he not die of alcohol poisoning?

- Are you already sick of talk of “revenge” for the Canucks if they win Saturday even tough the 2011 Stanley Cup banner will still be hanging in Boston even if the Bruins lose?

- Has there ever been a better combo than Rask and Thomas?


The answer is no. No. Never.

- Do the NHL know how much trouble they’re in?

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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