Welcome back. I hope you’ve read Parts 1 and 2 of our 3-part guide. Today you’re going to learn proper TD Garden etiquette. For those of you who haven’t guessed it yet, the Bruins play at the TD Garden. Now, your first mistake may be calling it “The Boston Garden” and that will immediately send up a red flag throughout the sea of black and gold wearers. The Boston Garden is long gone, demolished in November of 1997, but it’s memory will live on forever.
Now, TD is obviously cashing in on the lure of the Boston Garden by calling their building the TD Garden (at first it was the Shawmut Center, then the Fleet Center, then the TD Bank North Garden and now the TD Garden). Drop “The Fleet” every now and then and you’ll pick up some street cred, no doubt.
So without further adieu, here’s some TD Garden etiquette...
TD Garden Etiquette
3.1 Jersey Etiquette
Your jersey, also known in hockey circles as a sweater, can tell a lot about who you are. Here is typical jersey etiquette when going to a Bruins game:
1. The older the Bruins jersey, the better.
- 1A. It is unforgivable to put the name of a player on a jersey who did not play in that era. Example: Putting Zedno Chara on a Pooh Bear jersey is not acceptable. Ever. The same goes for putting Neely or Bourque on a Reebok Edge-era jersey.
- 1B. Likewise, it is unforgivable to put a player on a jersey who has never played for the team. Example: Gretzky on a Canucks jersey.
2. Check spelling before purchasing a jersey. It’s not Neeley or Borque.
3. If you do not have a jersey of either team playing, do not substitute another sports jersey in it’s place. Example: If you do not have a Bruins jersey, wearing a Celtics/Red Sox/Patriots jersey is not acceptable.
- 3A. If you do not have a jersey of either team playing, do not substitute another team jersey that plays the same sport. Example: If the Bruins are playing the Red Wings, don’t wear a Senators jersey.
- 3B. It is acceptable to wear a jersey of a team that is no longer around. Example: If Boston is playing Carolina, it is acceptable (often encouraged) to wear a Hartford Whalers jersey.
4. If you have the balls to wear the jersey of the opposition for the night’s game, expect ridicule. You brought it upon yourself.
5. Custom jerseys are ok. If you want to be the captain of the Bruins, go ahead champ.
6. There are jerseys that are never allowed to be purchased as a Bruins fan. These are: Montreal Canadiens, Vancouver Canucks, Toronto Maple Leafs, Buffalo Sabres.
3.2 Row Etiquette
Ah row etiquette. This one can be a little tricky because I’m sure it will upset some people, but guess what, I don’t care. Most of these should be simple and self-explanatory and some of them shouldn’t be done, ever.
1. If you HAVE to talk on your cell phone, refrain from acting like a complete asshole. Please don’t speak louder than the music in the arena. In fact, remove yourself from your seat and talk in the concourse, where it is much quieter.
2. Don’t get up in the middle of play. Wait until a timeout, either coaches or television. Wait until there’s some stupid burrito t-shirt throw. Wait for a whistle. Your food, beer or piss can wait.
3. Never participate in “The Wave”. This isn’t Fenway Park.
4. Sitting/dancing on the steps is acceptable, but if someone is trying to use them: move.
5. If you bring a sign, don’t hold it up during game play. There is a chance that the sign will be ripped away from you and torn in half.
6. If your sitting on the glass, don’t bang on it. This isn’t a fucking fish tank.
3.3 Game Etiquette
1. When the Bruins are on a power play, please refrain from yelling “SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!”
- 1A. If you do yell shoot and the shot is blocked by the opposing team, don’t turn to your friend and say “Why did they shoot it?”. You will get punched in the balls/vagina.
2. It’s perfectly acceptable to join in the “Lets Go Bruins” chants, but make sure they sync up with the rest of the arena. When half is yelling “Lets Go Bruins” and the other half is clapping, it sounds awful.
3. Always try to get to “Garden Level”. This is also known as “Audio Porn” by Kevin Paul Dupont.
4. If a goaltender lets up a “soft” goal, refrain from yelling about trading said goaltender. We don’t care what you think, in all honesty.