What the Bruins Will Do During a Lockout: Zdeno Chara

The following is the first in a series of interviews that Days of Y’Orr ace reporter and GM Patrice Purrgeron did when asking Bruins players what they would do in the event of a lockout.

 We now bring you live to Patrice Purrgeron:


Thanks guys. 

For those of you pissing your pantaloons over the thoughts of a potential lock out, fear not! You will still be able to see your favorite Bruins in other forms of media.

Today’s guest, Boston’s hulking defenseman and Canada’s #2 most wanted, Zdeno Chara already has a busy fall schedule. I’ll let the man himself tell you. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Zdeno Chara!


Wow that isn’t a creepy look or anything. Mr. Chara, NHL.com recently voted and named your slap shot the most awesome, bad ass slap shot in NHL history and we’ve heard that has led to some lucrative deals off the ice. Can you explain?


“Talking kitty cat is funny! The Chara is pleased! Wait, what did you ask Comrade Question?”

Umm… I was asking about your off ice opportunities.

“Ah, yes yes. NHL finally recognized me as most bad ass stick swinger in NHL history. Hollywood called Chara and asked him to be big movie star! I just completed filming on the latest Slap Shot movie.”


“It is a laugh roller coaster my furry little friend. Especially the parts where I decapitate opponents with my canon of a shot. Also, to the families of those lost during filming, Chara’s giant hurt bleeds for your loss.” 


That doesn’t really look like a face that feels bad but hey, we still love you. Anyway, after Slap Shot 3, I’m sure anyone associated with this movie probably wanted to be dead anyway. I’ve heard you also have a video game in the works. Is that true?

“Yes, also true feline interviewer. Chara has teamed up with EA sports to make a motion activated game for the Wii, which Family Guy has taught me means ‘to pee’ in French. Now little childrens can pretend to be Chara right in their own living rooms. Soon we will have entire army of little Charas to march on Canada!”


Good to know the invasion of Canada is also on your “To Do” list in case of a lock out. Good luck with that, it shouldn’t be too hard. Anything else we should know before we end this interview buddy?

“If Billy Crystal is watching, please have your people call the Chara’s people. I am a big fan and have humorous idea for My Giant 2!”

Oh god no. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE THIS HAPPENS NHL! Thanks Chara, and good luck.

 

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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