Oh no, the dreaded matinee game. Even worse, a dreaded matinee away game. The Bruins travel to Columbus to take on the Blue Jackets, marking Boston's first away game of the season. Unfortunately, these aren't the Jackets of a few years ago. This team looks to be legit and that pisses me off because I don't want Columbus to be legit.
It's not like I hate Columbus or anything, but they are trying WAY too hard to be a hockey market and it comes off forced. First was that whole 'Lumbus bullshit from last year – like typing COlumbus is so fucking hard. It's not, but this team and it's shitty social media marketing has to try and make #Lumbus a thing. LUMBUS ISN'T A THING, LUMBUS SHOULD NEVER BE A THING. Stop it. That's like hipster style, lazy fuckery.
Next is the cannon. Oh the cannon. How I fucking hate that fucking cannon. If you've never experienced the cannon for some reason – here it is:
Seemingly these dickbags shoot the cannon whenever something good happens.
Blue Jackets score a goal? Shoot the cannon.
Win the game? Shoot the cannon.
Win a face off? Shoot the cannon.
Save the puck? Shoot the cannon.
Someone enters the arena? Shoot the cannon.
Shoot the cannon.
Shoot the cannon.
The last thing I detest about Columbus is Nathan Horton.
Look, I get that you wanted out of Boston. You came from a place where hockey didn't matter (Florida) to a place where hockey only mattered to most people after 2010. I get that you probably didn't like taking your kids outside and be bombarded by fans for autographs and weirdos writing fan fiction about you. I get it.
What I don't get is why you came up with such shitty excuses about leaving Boston. Oh, you signed with a team because you got to pet a penguin at their zoo? Oh wow, gee Nathan that's awesome. I'm glad Boston doesn't have a place that you could call up and say:
"Hey, I'm Nathan Horton and I play for the Boston Bruins. My kid fucking loves penguins and I was wondering if he could pet one."
Yeah, I'm glad Boston doesn't have a big ass place on the ocean that has a big ass fucking pit of penguins just squawking and shitting and having a grand old time.
Oh, they do. You gutless twat. Leaving such a big decision like this to a five year old is like closing your eyes while driving down the highway because you want to get lost in a song on the radio. Maybe it has something to do about an ex-Bruin getting it in with Mrs. Horton?
Good thing Nathan has kept busy in Columbus at least.
As of today, Carl Söderberg was skating his first full practice, but did not take contact. I would say the lines are the same as they have been all year. Also, I'll give Chad Johnson the nod to start his first game as a Bruin.
Milan Lucic – David Krejci – Jarome Iginla
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Loui Eriksson
Jordan Caron – Chris Kelly – Reilly Smith
Shawn Thornton – Greg Campbell – Dan Paille
Zdeno Chara – Johnny Boychuk
Dennis Seidenberg – Dougie Hamilton
Torey Krug – Adam McQuaid
DOY Flying Bear Shirts
Radio: 98.5 The Sports Hub
Nathan Horton's highlights from the early Columbus season: