If you're new to DOY, then you have no idea why this is here. We have always equated hockey and wrestling. For some reason, they seem to fit well together. Ever since the Iginla thing went down – the Bruins/Penguins have acted like a WWF storyline so we figured we would actually write it like a WWF storyline. Enjoy today's preview – I worked hard on it, ha.
MARCH 25, 2013
The crowd was restless as they awaited word from either manager. For days now, the two factions battled one another for the right to acquire the prize piece. It was down to them, the two who were above the cut of the rest, dominating on and off of the ice as they wheeled and dealed to make their clubs better. There were rumors that he had been had, that the ink was dry and the paperwork was done.
The crowd waited.
Jack Edwards: HERE WE GO, IT'S RAY SHERO!
Shero walks out from behind the curtain as the crowd begins to boo. He smiles and holds up a sign that read "NHL Fears Pittsburgh". Shero slides into the ring and grabs a microphone.
Ray Shero: You see this sign right here? You ingrates see this sign that says "NHL FEARS PITTSBURGH"? Do you know what this means? This means that the Pittsburgh Penguins are better than you!
The crowd boos as a wider smile flashes across Shero's face.
Ray Shero: Go ahead and boo me. I'd boo me too. I'd boo the fact that I traded a bunch of nobodies for James Neal. I'd boo if I had to watch Evegni Malkin…
The crowd is a mix of cheers and boos
Marc Andre Fleury…
The crowd boos a little more than they cheer
And Sidney Crosby…
The crowd erupts in a sea of boos and "Cindy" chants
Show some respect for the greatest! I said…and Sidney Crosby dominate the NHL year after year. Last year I added James Neal and Matt Niskinan to the Penguins. Well that was last year. Did you think I was finished NHL? Did you think I was going to stop last year? Nothing can stop me.
I'm Ray fucking Shero. I'm the greatest trading GM this league has ever witnessed. And guess what, I did it again. I added more gunmen to the firing squad, more gravy to the feast. I've added more…balls to the cannon.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce to you the newest addition to the PENGUINS. WORLD. ORDER. I want to introduce to you, that captain of the Dallas Stars and newest Pittsburgh Penguin, Brenden Morrow!
The crowd boos as Brenden Morrow walks out from the curtain. He panders to the booing crowd as he slowly walks down to the ring. He high fives some black and Vegas gold clad children sticking their hands out beyond the barrier. He slides into the ring and hugs a smiling Ray Shero.
Brenden Morrow: Last night I was asked by the pathetic management in Dallas if I wanted to play in Boston or in Pittsburgh. This was an actual question proposed to me. They actually thought that I would want to go play for the Boston Bruins – a team that can't compete with the bottom feeders in the NHL.
It took a quick conversation with Ray Shero to know that this is the place to win. Boston is a secondary market. A secondary hockey team. They're the fat kid (er, Lucic?) on the bench of the Little League team because they paid enough money.
Pittsburgh is the place to be to win a Stanley Cup. It was a no brainer.
Jack Edwards: Is there anything Ray Shero can't do? First James Neal in 2012 and now Brenden Morrow in 2013? The Pittsburgh Penguins aren't playing around.
Ray Shero: But I'm not done! No, no! You think that I'm going to let my stars walk around without an protection? Do you think I would allow my Hart Trophy winners, my MVPs and my Stanley Cup Champions mill around with peons like you? People who want to run my players? People who wants to see my players on the disabled list because they think it will further their cause?
Tonight, I acquired a giant. I acquired a living, breathing hit machine. Ladies and gentlmen – Douglas Murray.
The crowd boos as Murray walks out from behind the curtain. He stands at the top of the stage and overlooks the booing sea of people and lets out a loud roar. The crowd quiets down as he continues to the ring, a smile slapped on his face. He walks up the metal stairs and over the top rope. Shero pats Murray on the back and hands Murray the microphone.
Douglas Murray: I will eat you all.
Murray hands the mic back to Shero.
Ray Shero: Welcome to the takeover NHL. You think the Bruins were the world order? The Bruins aren't shit. Welcome to the PENGUINS! WORLD! ORDER!
After the jump, the rest of the saga concludes…
MARCH 28, 2013
Jack Edwards: Welcome to Boston everyone! A few days ago, Ray Shero put the NHL on notice that he is not messing around anymore. Since then, the Penguins have been on a tear, ripping through opponent after opponent. Tonight, however, there is word that Peter Chiarelli is ready to acquire the best talent on the market. I am being told that we will hear from Peter Chiarelli tonight.
Peter Chiarelli walks out from behind the curtain as the Boston crowd roars into frenzy. Chants of "PC! PC! PC!" fill the arena as Boston's GM casually walks down to the ring. He walks up the stairs and in between the first and second ropes.
Peter Chiarelli: Ya know, Ray Shero had the gaul to come out here and talk to the crowd like they weren't worth anything. I'm not going to do that. I'm above that. Ray was talking about new world order in the NHL. Does Ray forget what his actual track record is? A 2009 Stanley Cup – that's it.
If you want to compare him and I, you're look at a man who used guys like Rich Peverley and Chris Kelly to win a championship. I didn't have to rely on lucky draft picks like Sidney Crosby and Marc Andre Fleury.
Ray talked about his pWo – his Penguins World Order – but does he forget the originals? Did he forget that the Bruins were the first world order in the NHL? We ran this league, we beat opponents into submission and we raised banners in the TD Garden.
The crowd roars in approval.
Peter Chiarelli: So tonight – I have a treat for you all. The bWo is back! The real world order in the NHL never left. Tonight, we get stronger. Tonight, we get faster. Tonight, we get Jarome Iginla!
Iginla's music hits as the crowd jumps to their feet. Jarome comes out from behind the curtain and starts pandering to the crowd, who is going ballistic for him.
Jack Edwards: It's Iginla! Chiarelli got Iginla! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! Iginla is coming to Boston! Iginla is coming to Boston!
Jarome runs and slides into the ring as Chiarelli grabs his arm and raises it. The crowd continues to cheer as Chiarelli gets back on the microphone.
Peter Chiarelli: Did you think I wouldn't do this Ray? Did you think I really wouldn't get a guy like Jarome to battle your Penguins World Order? I'm not backing down from you Ray! I'm not going to lay down like the rest of the NHL GMs. I'm not going to…
Jack Edwards: BY GAWD THAT'S RAY SHERO'S MUSIC! WHAT THE HELL IS RAY SHERO DOING HERE?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Ray Shero walks out from behind the curtain to a sea of boos. He smiles while walking down to the ring, casually. A look of concern wipes itself across Peter Chiarelli's face as Jarome Iginla looks on expressionless. Shero looks at Chiarelli and smiles as he walks up the steps and into the ring.
Ray Shero: Oh Peter. Oh Peter, oh Peter, oh Peter. Did you really think I was going to let you do this to me? Did you really thing I was going to let you waltz into Calgary and get Jarome Iginla just like that? Did you honestly believe in that bald brainless head of yours that Jarome Iginla was your guy?
The crowd boos as Chiarelli looks around confused.
Jack Edwards: What is Shero talking about?
Peter Chiarelli: Well yeah of course I did, Jay Feaster told me…
Ray Shero: cutting off Chiarelli Jay Feaster is an idiot! Do you honestly think that baffoon could handle an NHL trade? Look at him! I'm surprised he is still alive, but that's probably because breathing is involuntary. Peter, I hate to do this to you, but it's time to face the truth – the pWo is alive and kicking and tonight…well tonight is just another win for Ray fucking Shero.
Iginla turns to Peter Chiarelli and punches him. Chiarelli falls as the shocked crowd begins to boo. Iginla pulls off the Bruins logo on his shirt to reveal a Penguins logo.
Jack Edwards: I can't believe it! I can't believe it! Ray Shero has pulled the rug out from underneath Peter Chiarelli! Ray Shero is amazing! I can't believe what I am seeing!
In the ring, Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin ran down from the stage area and joined in on kicking Chiarelli. Chiarelli rolled out of the ring as the three posed in the ring.
Ray Shero: Ladies and gentlemen. The pWo!
APRIL 2, 2013
Jack Edwards: We're a few days removed frmo the vicious and vile attack that Ray Shero and the pWo put on Bruins' GM Peter Chiarelli. While Chiarelli has said the bWo has returned, he has not added any new members to the faction. With time ticking down – we believe that Chiarelli will not add anyone to the bWo and let his soldiers carry on to clash with the Penguins.
Jack Edwards: Well this is unexpected. Peter Chiarelli is going to grace us with his presence tonight. I can assure you that I had zero knowledge of this!
Chiarelli walks out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring as the Boston crowd cheers him on. There are a smattering of boos however as the bWo GM gets into the ring.
Peter Chiarelli: I haven't forgotten about what transpired a few days ago in this very ring. My team will not forget what has transpired in this ring a few days ago. Tonight – I assure you that the bWo has gotten stronger. I have acquired a man who knows all of Pittsburgh's tricks of the trade. You could say that he used to be Pittsburgh's prodigal son. He knows Pittsburgh in and out and now he's ready for revenge.
Now, here's Jaromir Jagr.
Jack Edwards: Whoa, here we go! Things are about to pick up as Peter Chiarelli has apparently picked up Jaromir Jagr! Here we go!
Jagr walks into the ring, smiling, and shakes Chiarelli's hand.
Jaromir Jagr: I come to Boston because Pittsburgh is no longer City of Champions. Pittsburgh is a shithole, much like Mario was a shithead without me. I will take it to this team, I will show them – and Jarome – that Boston is the right choice to win a Stanley Cup.
The crowd cheers as Peter Chiarelli speaks once again.
Peter Chiarelli: The bWo is strong! The bWo will end this run of tyranny by Ray Shero and the Penguins World Order. This is our time and on April 19th, we will show the NHL – and by proxy the rest of the world – that the Penguins and Ray Shero are overrated!
On April 19th, the bWo will prove that we're back in action.
April 19, 2013
The takeover ends. Tonight.