Tonight's game was sponsored by the number 2. Bruins move to 10-2-2. Bruins scored two goals, then Lightning scored two goals, then Bruins scored two goals.
Nathan Horton scored two goals. Dougie Hamilton assisted on both of those two goals. Justin has a two inch penis. The second Tampa Bay goal was softer than Robb when he sees a naked woman.
Jon is going to get punched in the face twice next time the DOY staff is together.
Great win though. When the Bruins blew that two goal lead we peed a little. "NOT AGAIN" we may or may not have yelled. But then the Bruins were all like "oh wait, Tampa's goalie sucks. FLAME ON!" Oh Horty you…. you got what we neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. Tampa can't defend! No Tampa can't defend!
…sorry, where were we?
We're currently contacting the MBTA to see if they can celebrate the Bruins getting 10 wins by putting happy messages on all buses tomorrow. We'll let you know how that goes.
- Jon not being an idiot and finally getting his camera to work.
- Sweet, sweet Natino Hortontine goal with the assist from Doug Hamilton.
Whoops, how did that get in there!?!?
- Bergeron channeling the powers of Quailman after a great effort by Marchand behind the net. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
Hey Julien, you know what Bergeron needs after that goal?
- Brad Marchand and his HOT HOT HANDS!
Seriously, could he be anymore of a beast this season? We haven't seen him score this much since him and Seguin banged everything in sight after the Cup win.
- Horton's sweet mother fudging redirect in the third. Whenever Horton scores we feel like we have to…
- The P.K.!
No, not that one! This one!
We love you Pevs!
- The "Let's Go Bruins" chant at an away game.
- Bruins being beasts in the third period again.
- Nathan Horton. Oh, and Nathan Horton. Nathan Horton too.
- Steven Stamkos. He's a cheater. He used the god code when he was drafted and never looked back. Probably related to Roger Klotz too. Jerk.
- DAMN YOU CORY GONCHARACHER!
If you don't get the joke it means you didn't watch the DOY Pregame Show and we're very disappointed in you. So are your parents. Jerk. A pox upon your house, upon your familiy and anyone you've ever known and anyone you'll ever meet!
- The Bruins love of blowing two goal leads.
- The Bruins love of leaving the opposing team's best scorers wide open near the net.
- Rough game for lil Dougie. His best friend Mosquito Valentine will probably give him a very homoerotic hug to make him feel better. Those kinds of hugs are by far the best kind.
- The day Doug moved to ABC and became awful. Dark times.
- Patty Mayonnaise being such a cock tease all the time. Poor Doug. Bluest balls in the history of cartoons.
- The Tampa Bay staff is aware they're supposed to play hockey on ice and not soup, yes?
- 99% of the callers after Bruins games on 98.5.
- Chara getting sent to the box just so he wouldn't rip Cory Conacher in half.
- Everyone who is now bitching that the Bruins should've kept Pouliot. Why is he scoring more this season? Because he's in a more offensive system. He didn't fit into Claude Julien's system and wouldn't be putting up as many points if he were still a Bruin. Shut your stupid whore mouth.
- How long until Seguin's sister sues Jon for slander?
- Who do we talk to about getting Doug back on the air? The ORIGINAL Doug.
- Will the Beets ever reunite for one last tour?
- Could this recap be any more ridiculous?
- Where can we buy these?!?!
- How excited are you that we are ending this recap with this?