We're sure we don't have to remind you of the ridiculousness of the investigation after Chara showed Pacioretty what a stanchion tastes like. Montreal fans were going way overboard with their complaining and swore to the Hockey Gods that no player has ever committed a dirty hit while wearing a Habs jersey.
Some wanted Chara dead. Some wanted him suspended. Some wanted his nuts to be fed to a pack of pissed of wolverines.
But as stupid as Habs' fans made their city look, it died down fairly quickly. Now even Max Pacioretty can look back and laugh.
Enter Buffalo fans. One chilly November evening in 2011, Ryan Miller decided to come waaaaaaaaaaaay out of his crease to dry to beat Milan Lucic, skating full steam, to a puck. Miller got in his path, Lucic couldn't stop in time, Miller gets nailed.
Unlike Max Pacioretty who actually had to have surgery, Ryan Miller was mostly okay. You know except for a "concussion" that some league sources indicated was made up to try to get Lucic suspended. I mean, it's not like Miller had the time and awareness to take a Barry Bonds swing in the height of his steroid days on Lucic. No siree. Never happened.
Oh wait…HE DID. But that's not important right Sabres fans? It's TOTALLY okay to try to hit some one with a stick. I heard Marty McSorley endorses Ryan Miller.
After swinging for the fences Miller and sitting upright for awhile realized he should probably lay down because people with concussions and severe head injuries can't swing a goalie stick right after and should fly backwards like they were shot while on the ice.
Buffalo fans then bitched that the hit ruined their season because Miller wasn't the same after. Sure, they forgot he was terrible before the hit and has pretty much been average since his Vezina year, but they're so adorable when they try to act all tough and mean on Twitter. Remember that time Jose Theodore won a Vezina?
It has been over a year since the hit that left Miller essentially uninjured. Buffalo fans STILL complain constantly about it. CONSTANTLY.
They didn't even whine about this nearly as long:
Here's an actual conversation from Sabres fans:
Idiot #1: Man, giraffes are pretty awesome, ha.
Idiot #2: Yeah about as awesome as that Lucic hit on Miller. FUCK LUCIC AND FUCK GIRAFFES.
Totally uncalled for.
Let's pretend here for a second that Lucic's hit was 100% dirty. Let's pretend Lucic entered the game with the intention of injuring Miller. What Sabres fans are trying to tell you is that Lucic is the devil and should be burned at the stake and that no Sabres player would EVER commit such a terrible act.
Take this article for example…
One day our pal Mitch Cole forwarded us the following article (which isn't even worth linking to), which we will now mock for it's incredible stupidity.
For shame Bruins, for shame.
Right from the start we know there's about to be a much of nonsensical boo hooing. Grab some tissues because you're about to get smacked in the face with a super sad story!
I was at the Sabres vs Bruins game on Thursday night, and while I was trying to procure a beverage before the game, I came across a table where they had Bruins memorabilia, all framed and autographed for auction. There was lots of classic stuff, Cam Neely and Bobby Orr and the like, and then I came across this.
–Yup, this was a picture of 'that' hit, featuring Ryan Miller and cheapshotter extraordinaire Milan Lucic. I think what irked me the most about this was that the auction was actually for charity, and supported by the Boston Bruins organization. Pathetic really, and no class whatsoever.
– The one statement here that tickles me the most and makes me do the LOLOLOLOLZ is the "cheapshotter extraordinaire" part. It's not like Buffalo has one of those on their team.
Weird… a Buffalo Sabre… dishing out… dirty hits?! What a cheapshotter extraordinaire!
Now, I don't think the hit on Miller was dirty. Hockey is a fast game. But am I going to sit here and say Lucic has NEVER done anything dirty? Of course not. I'm not a blind Sabres fan. But for Sabres fans to cheer Kaleta head butting a dude then show up to TD Garden with torches and pitchforks over Lucic's hit is just dumb.
– Difference between Lucic and Kaleta? Lucic can back it up. Kaleta is a flopping turtle.
Of course, there was no one of rank anywhere near the display that I could talk to about how classless that was. Just talking to some Bruins fans around the display and they were quite surprised that was even there alongside pics of their previous Cup triumphs.
– This is 100% untrue. The DOY staff has season tickets and we know exactly what table this douche is talking about. There is ALWAYS at least one season ticket rep near the table. There is a table right next to the memorabilia table where reps try to get people to sign up for season tickets. This guy must be blinder than Lindy Ruff when he blames the refs instead of his team's shitty play after every loss.
To each their own I guess, but pretty disgusting nonetheless.
– Eh, disgusting would be a nude picture of Oprah. Or this guy's thought process. Or living in Buffalo. Or Ryan Miller's GAA this year. Must still be because of the Lucic hit, eh? Or how about Ryan Miller's playoff success?
Then the comments rolled in:
– Really? One of the lowest acts in all of sports history? Lower than Mike Tyson eating out Holyfield's ear? Lower than Nancy Kerrigan getting an amateur knee reconstruction? Lower than Kaleta head butting someone right in the face? You have a VERY distorted view of what is right and wrong Buffalo. This is hockey. PEOPLE GET HIT SOMETIMES. Based on this guy's logic I'm going to start calling it a national tragedy every time I get a splinter. Probably explains why your teams never win anything ever. Wah wah wah wah. And if you're speechless why the hell did you keep commenting?
Then what is even funnier is that this idiot doesn't realize the irony of crying about a dirty hit and then wishing the opposing team gets sent to the hospital during a game. Classic Buffalo logic!
– LOLOLOLOLOLZ. Lucic's hit is worse than the Islanders attacking Penguins players from behind and elbowing them in the head? Sweet jebus I hope your parents are in jail for all the blows to the head they gave you because there is no other excuse than that completely idiotic statement.
How is selling a picture dirty? If Kaleta ran into Thomas like that the Sabres would 100% sell that picture. Don't even try to deny it. They would and Sabres fans would "eat it up" as they like to say. Didn't the very same Buffalo Sabres fans laugh and laugh and laugh when Kaleta opened the bench door on person in an attempt to injure a Flyers player? I bet they all talked about how stupid that was of Kaleta. Oh wait… hold on here… breaking news coming in from Patrice Purrgeron…
Ooooooooooooooh. That's right. Hmm… guess maybe they should step off their high horse and get a pony. Baby steps Buffalo. Baby steps. Or rather, Miller steps.
– Here's solid proof that these fans do not know ANYTHING about hockey. They keep talking about how Lucic and Chara are afraid of John Scott.
Let us break down something for you. John Scott players less than a minute per night. He is pretty much useless. Chara is arguably the best defenseman in the NHL (at least top three) and Lucic is a slightly overrated, former 30 goal scorer. If the Sabres lose John Scott for five minutes it's like nothing happened. It'd be like the Bills in a Super Bowl.
If the Bruins lose Chara and Lucic for five minutes, the Bruins take a huge hit to their offense. Exchanging Lucic or Chara for John Scott is a TERRIBLE idea and Claude Julien knows that. We GUARANTEE both Lucic and Chara wanted a piece of John Scott and Julien laid down the law and said no.
Now see Buffalo, the point of a game is to win. Unfortunately no body told the Bruins defense that during that 7-4 spanking. You think Claude Julien, a Stanley Cup winning coach, is going to fall into Lindy Ruff's, a guy who is known best for crying, trap and let Lucic or Chara serve time in the box with Scott? That's like going to the store and buying Hydrox instead of Oreos. Coach Julien, what do you think?
– I'll let Boychuk answer this one himself.
– Now I know Sabres. Ellis had the puck and Boychuk hit him from the front. SO DIRTY!!! And look at all the Neanderthal Bruins fans cheering a big hit! EVEN THE FANS ARE SICK GOONS!
Now, based on the article in question and comments I can assume Buffalo fans are even dumber than I thought so I would like to explain to you that the previous statement was SAR-CASM. What this means is that I didn't think the Boychuk hit was dirty and that every NHL fan base, even you lowly Sabres fans, cheers a big hit. Let me know if you need me to draw a diagram or something to help you understand.
– I am temporary speechless. A LOGICAL Sabres fan?!?! A Sabres fan that understands what the Sabres did on the scoreboard is better than anything physical they could have done?!?! POPPYCOCK!
This guys should also explain to his fellow commentors that this was just one game. This also must be a fan of another team in disguise. No Buffalo fan can possibly be this rational! I'll be right back. I have to go watch Lindy Ruff's greatest hits to get myself back on track.
– Hey Sabres fans… ummmm…. Colin Campbell wasn't in charge of discipline when Lucic hit Miller. He had absolutely ZERO say in any potential punishment. Shannahan, like most rational people, didn't think it was dirty.
Tell you what… someone from Buffalo go put on allllll those goalie pads, because you know goalies wear the most pads on a team and are thus better protected. Then I'll go skate full force down the ice. You then leave your crease to try and meet me and I'll try my darndest to slow down on that slippery ices with about two seconds of notice. Remember that episode of Scrubs where Turk and J.D. reenacted the Lucic/Miller hit?
Your conspiracy theories are really cute though. You sound just like Flyers fans when they talk about how the league favors the Penguins. The Penguins have, what, six Cups in a row now?
– How was the 2011 Cup win tainted? Did the referees put ice water in Thomas' veins? Did the refs stop almost every puck fired at the Bruins net? Did the refs make Roberto Luongo terrible before the might of the Bruins onslaught? Did the refs cause the Vancouver defense to expose how shitty they were when faced with the brilliant Patrice Bergeron?
Did the referees hand the Cup to the Bruins when Burrows clearly bit Bergeron and no punishment was laid down? Oh and don't forget the Bruins were without Nate "Clutch" Horton for most of the series after a dirty hit. And riddle me this Sabres fans…..if the league favors the Bruins so much, why was it 39 years between their two most recent Cup wins?
And again… Colin Campbell has absolutely nothing to do with what happens on the ice. Keep trying to make yourself feel better though. I bet the referees cost the Bills four Super Bowls in a row too, right?
– Ummm… wouldn't say hits "goalies." More like hit "goalie." And really with the way Miller is playing this season can you even call him that? In fact, Lucic should hit him again to do you guys a favor.
– Exactly. The fan base of all 30 teams wants the head of an opposing player who lays out a dirty hit and then celebrates when a player on their team nails someone. Any Sabres fan who says they would NOT want a picture of this is a bigger liar than Terry Pegula when he said the Sabres will be a perennial threat to capture the Stanley Cup. Two rational Sabres fans. I'm about to go fake a head injury Ryan Miller style. I'm so confused.
– Yeah the NHL really does favor the Bruins. Remember when they dropped the hammer on Matt Cooke after he pretty much ended Marc Savard's career? Remember when the refs called the obvious elbowing penalty on Stafford when he elbowed Dougie Hamilton in the face? Neither do I.
To paraphrase a scene from Chasing Amy:
- Banky: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
- Holden: Yeah.
- Banky: Good. Over here, we a Boston Bruins conspiracy theory where the we know the league favors them. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
- Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
- Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The Bruins Conspiracy Theory, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
- Holden: The man-hating dyke.
- Banky: Good. Why?
- Holden: I don't know.
- Banky: [shouting] Because the other three are FIGMENTS of your FUCKING IMAGINATION!
And let's see… Jack Edwards…. a Bruins fan… who announces Bruins games… is…. bias? POPPYCOCK AGAIN!
Never in the history of TV and radio has a hometown station been bias towards the home town team. Anyone who actually listened to the NESN broadcast could clearly hear how Jack blamed the loss on the Bruins shitty defense. Jack was pissed at the BRUINS. For you Sabres fans out there, that's B-R-U-I-N-S (Broo-ins).
Take the Sabres beloved Ricky J. A "consummate professional" who NEVER shows bias towards the Sabres. EVER! It's not like he's known for yelling SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE like a soccer announcer after every Sabres goal and then pouting when the other team scores or saying ridiculous catch phrases that are extremely pro Buffalo. Nope. Never. Not once. Not even the same Jack Edwards like excitement in his voice indicates that Rick is a Sabres homer just as much as Jack is a Bruins homer.
Stupid internet and it's video proof. What is the world coming to when every home team announcer is a homer? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE!
And yes Sabres fans, in advance, I will go kill myself then if you pay for the funeral.
– Again… a NEW ENGLAND based sports network, no matter how shitty NESN is, is bias towards Boston sports!?!? Excuse me while I faint from absolute SHOCK!
I bet all Buffalo stations are not at all bias towards the Sabres. Hell, even Columbus stations are bias towards the Blue Jackets and the Blue Jackets are even worse than the Sabres.
– Again, we certainly remember Sabres fans celebrating this. But that was different right? Because it was your team doing the hitting? I often forget how that works in all sports. But I guess they all forgot that. Lucic's hit on Miller was so hard that it even erased the memories of Buffalo fans. Awesome.
And that is what is so dumb about this argument. EVERY team in the NHL has a player that is at least borderline dirty. If you're Philly you have about 17 but whatever. If Brad Marchand played for another team we'd probably hate him. If Hartnell played for another team Philly would probably hate him. If Kaleta played for a diff…. wait no. Sabres fans are dumb enough to think John Scott causes all other teams to cower in fear and the Sabres will win the Cup. Sorry, my mistake.
Where was I? Oh yes…..Buffalo fans can sit here and claim the Bruins are goons and that's all they can do, but then they turn around and support John Scott, who is literally only in the NHL because he's super tall and can throw punches, and support the Sabres doing the exact same things Bruins players have done.
If the roles were reversed and Kaleta did the same exact thing to Tim Thomas or Tuukka Rask, Buffalo fans would've held a parade. Kaleta is one of the dirtiest players in the NHL and Buffalo celebrates this douche, yet Lucic stole the title of "dirtiest player in the game" from Ric Flair.
Same thing with Montreal. If Max Pacioretty had jumped off Scott Gomez's useless shoulders and drop kicked Chara into the stanchion, Montreal would've been celebrating forever.
Hypocrisy in it's finest form. The difference? Montreal shut the hell up and got over it. Buffalo still acts like they're a perfect organization who can do no wrong. It's true Sabres fans. Just part of being a fan. But please keep crying about it. It gives us SO much GREAT material.
Hold on for a second while we go watch the DVD of the Sabres Cup win celebration.
Wow, we're back already.
Think about that for a second Buffalo fans. REALLY think about it. You are crying MORE than Canadiens fans. You are making a fan base that is infamous for overreactions look completely rational. Congrats!
So with that, we present you, the Buffalo fans, with the WHINIEST FANS IN THE LEAGUE AWARD!
Now Buffalo fans, you can proceed with your crying and making fun of our obviously childish photo shops and our mean, mean words and talk about banging our moms and throwing around that idiotic "you have no class phrase" that hockey fans seem to love these days but that really makes zero sense. But remember, no matter how you feel about us, you sat here and read this article and gave us hits. THANKS SABRES FANS! And remember, you're just as "dirty" as us!