Crowd Taunts Seguin. Seguin Schools Rask. BRUINS LOSE.

 

Same ole Bruins this season. Too little too late on the effort. Too many mental miscues. A power play more impotent than a 90 year old man on life support.

The season is young. The Bruins will in all likelihood make the playoffs. But that doesn't make this shit show we've been watching any better. We love you guys. We're paying to see you. Maybe reward us a little, eh?

It's one thing to just get beaten by a better team that night. It's another to play like shit 40-50 minutes a game and then be surprised you lost. 

Hey, at least we got to see Johnny Boychuk make a couple more orphans tonight. He's a beast. We love you Johnny.

Also, Rask, we're sorry you're getting the "Robin Lehner" treatment where your team completely fails to show up most of the time and you keep losing despite being freaking awesome. 

Whatever. We'll do a better recap when the Bruins start playing like they care again.

- Johnny Destroychuk was back and he quite obviously missed the sweet taste of a human soul. Boychuk ENDED Erik Cole with a text book clean, hard hockey hit. 

Then for some idiot reason, Fiddler decides to try to jump Boychuk, but because Boychuk is a fucking beast he beats Fiddler to it and takes him OUT.

The moral of the story, Dallas, is that Boychuk is a killing machine and is way better than you could ever hope to be.

Also NHL, stop trying to fight EVERYONE who lays down a clean hit. If you don't want to get hit stop playing hockey you bunch of pansies. Sweet jebus. Let's just take all physical contact out of hockey and wrap the players in bubble wrap at this point.

- Our pal Tom Servo (@tservo42) posted this hilarious picture and this equally hilarious line:

"Sabres are so bad they've decided to abandon hockey for bobsled."

- Hilarious irony that two ex-Bruins were the deciding factor in the shootout. It was good to see ole Dick Peverley. His shootout goal was pretty sweet.

- Patrice Bergeron continues to be one of the very few Bruins who gives a consistently good effort EVERY night. His shootout move was pretty awesome too. Basically he just pretended Lehtonen was a girl and used his best pick up line and Lehtonen's legs opened right up.

- If for some silly reason you forgot how awesome Torey Krug is, just watch his latest goal over and over and over.

FYI, Krug, a defenseman, is second on the Bruins with five goals. But no, seriously, keep giving Jon shit on Twitter when he says the B's offense kind of blows.

- Still not sure there's enough evidence to support this, but we believe there was a Marchand sighting last night. We actually noticed him for positive things rather than saying "hey, is Marchand even playing tonight?"

- Fantastic shot by Doug Hamilton. What a canon. Then a great tip by Lucic. The Bruins would piss this lead away shortly after, but this was a fantastic sequence and a fantastic goal.

- The Bruins power play. No, we agree, it was awful. But it's becoming the greatest comedy every produced in the history of man.

- The TD Garden crowd. It's been almost as bad as Fenway all year, but last night reached new heights of stupidity. First, there were some "Joe Thornton sucks" chants for some unknown reason.

Then they spent most of the night attempting to taunt Seguin. He didn't force his way out of town. Didn't ask for a trade. And if you're pissed he was too busy partying to be effective in the Finals, he wasn't the only one who disappeared. Remember how the Bruins exposed Crawford's glove hand then STOPPED shooting at it? Remember how Krejci disappeared? Remember how the Bruins defense was collectively awful? But no, really, keep blaming Seguin.

And why do people honesty think mock chanting a hockey player's name bothers them? They don't care. At all. Ever. Seguin was obviously so upset by the mock chanting that he couldn't even embarrass Rask in the shootout. Oh wait…

- Jamie Benn is a giant steaming pile of horse crap and I hope he is forced to watch countless hours of Buffalo Sabres "highlights."

- The crowd's "bullshit" chat and what was obviously a valid call before Fiddler's penalty shot goal. Go read the NHL rule book you uneducated monkeys. Here's a pro tip: NOT EVERY CALL AGAINST THE BRUINS IS WRONG! THEY FUCK UP. A LOT.

- Boston media being upset that Seguin said he'd never play here again if given the chance. The fans treated him like shit. The media REALLY treated him like shit. And you're shocked he said that? Really? Even after all the bullshit articles you wrote accusing him of shit without any shred of evidence?

You can't possibly get any dumber Boston media. You know why players hate you guys? BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS RUN PEOPLE OUT OF TOWN. Fucking jack asses.

Here's the top reason players likely don't want to play for Boston:

1) Jeremy Jacobs is an asshole
2) Boston media is by far the worst in the country.

- This idiotic notion that you're not a "real" fan if you criticize your favorite team. The Bruins have flaws. We still LOVE them, but they have flaws. Their offense needs Viagra. Their effort has been consistently shit lately. They are not perfect. If you think they are, or any team is for that matter, you're a huge moron and you should go drink bleach. If you are one of these people who think criticizing your favorite team is off limits, then step in front of an 18 wheeler later. Please. You'll be doing us all a favor.

- Stop doing "the dougie" dance. It was never funny. It's even worse now. 

- Another fantastic effort by Tuukka Rask was wasted by a team that doesn't seem to care these days.

- What does it take to get fired as a power play coach? The Bruins power play has been consistently awful for YEARS. Basically whenever a team wants to cut Boston's momentum, their coach just tells their players to go out and get a penalty and give Boston the man advantage. It's literally a two minute break for the opposing team.

But no seriously Boston management, keep trading away guys with speed and a nose for the net. Guys like that have never helped a power play in the history of ever. Also Boston players who are huge, keep avoiding the front of the net. No team has ever had success by screening an opposing goalie on the power play. Keep it up. Great job. Really. 

- Your stupid dumb face. All of you.

- How long before Rask snaps because of all the shitty efforts the team in front of him puts forth?

- Shut. Up.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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