RECAP: The Islanders Are The Feces Of When Shame Eats Too Much Stupidity. BRUINS WIN!

Today's recap is brought to you by the shape Triangle: 

triangle

If you watched the Days of Y'Orr pregame show, you know that the general census was that the Bruins would curb stomp the shit out of the Islanders and well, that's what they did. Sure, some of the game wasn't pretty (like the power play) but in the end it was a 4-1 victory and 2 more points. I kind of feel bad for the Islanders because they are pretty top heavy like Jack said, but the bottom is so bad it barely makes up for guys  like Tavares and Moulson. Josh Baily never really panned out, Kyle Okposo never really panned out, Rick DiPietro lolz, it's just a sad state of affairs and it comes from hiring idiots like Mike Milbury. 

Chara

Imagine if the Islanders still had a guy like Chara? Sure, he'd probably be gone when free agency hit, but he's one of the best defensemen in the league. He's a center piece, a building block and he makes the players around him better. Instead, Milbury traded him for Alexi Yashin – who they are STILL. FUCKING. PAYING. 

And I full believe that if Tim Thomas was playing for the Islanders and was on his game, they'd make a run towards that 8th place spot. Hell, they could still do it with Nabakov in net, but their defense is so fucking atrocious that midgets on donkeys could rip one timers for goals. 

Riddle Time: 

What do the New York Islanders and Kim Kardashian's gaping vagina have in common? 

They're both absolute clown cars. Kim K's kid is going to just walk out of that cavernous cunt hole. 

But lets hit the positives and negatives before I dig really deep into my psyche…

- Seguin isn't scoring, but at least he's schooling bitches while helping his teammates score. Seguin was skating around the Islanders defense like he was taking a fancy free stroll on a Sunday afternoon before sending a sweet pass to McQuaid for Quaider's first goal of the season.

- Anyone else notice the big brown spot on the back of Andrew MacDonald's hockey pants after Lucic made him a permanent fixture on the ice?

- Someone call the Long Island Fire Department because Brad Marchand is still ON FIRE!!!

snowman

- That shift by Lucic and Krejci that lead to Krejci's magical goal. Jebus. Lucic faking dudes out of their skates and Krejci burying pucks like Boychuk buries careers.

looch

- Soupy scoring a goal. Yeah, it was an empty net but who the fuck cares. 4th liners deserve to get on the score sheet sometimes. GRIND. BITCHES. DOWN. 

soupy

- Tuukka Rask was once again in a beast mode. He was all over the place and made some good saves. Shit, even on the Islanders' lone goal, it was a misstep by Bergeron that allowed Ciwfqiwhxionfqsqich to get free. I can picture Tuukka during the intermission now: 

beast mode

- Bruins penalty kill is the tits. We're talking big, fat fucking Oprah titties. 

- Look… Matt Martin… we know sometimes in life you get down. Sometimes waaaaaaaay down. But you don't have to try to kill yourself. If you fought Chara you would literally die. Get some help man. We're here for you.

- Hey Marc Savard! How do you feel about the Bruins power play since you've been gone?

Our thoughts exactly buddy.

- Former god turned cult leader.

- Bruins power play looks worse then when a newly neutered dog drags his ass across the carpet

- Jack Edward's obsession with Richard Buckminster Fuller.

- When will RCA allow Justin to view Tubgirl without shutting off his internet? 

- When the Islanders move to Brooklyn and are no longer on an island, can we call them the Brooklanders? 

- Did anyone actually put a cold spoon on their boner last night? 

- Is this the greatest animated gif of all time? 

swine

 

 

 

 

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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