Leafs Have Been Targeted for Shermination. BRUINS WIN!

 

 

We didn't think there was an "on switch" for the playoffs. The Bruins had played an extremely lazy March/April and limped into the playoffs like Erik Karlsson limps out of Pittsburgh. 

Two minutes into the game, the Leafs score while all the Bruins simply stoodd around and watch. It was like getting punched in the stomach. They didn't flip the switch. 

Or so we thought.

For the next 58 minutes the Bruins gave us a middle finger and for one game at least showed they CAN turn it on when they want to and completely outclassed the Maple Leafs. Sweet jebus.

Like, completely. The Leafs looked like a team that really isn't playoff ready and would only make the playoffs in a short season.

Oh.

The game wasn't even as "close" as 4-1. Reimer's five hole was looser than a retired porn star's. We're pretty sure we heard Maple Leafs fans demanding that the team trade for Steve Mason so they could get an upgrade in net. 

Sure, the Leafs tried the strategy of continually putting the Bruins on the powerplay but thanks to Wade Redden not even that worked. 

Welcome to the playoffs Toronto.

- Dion Phaneuf should be an inspiration to us all. If a guy like him, with absolutely ZERO trace of male genitalia, can land a woman like this:

…then there is hope for all you lonely single fellas out there.

- Remember that one time Phaneuf tried to hit Chara and Chara spiked his candy ass like a volleyball?

- Remember that time Phaneuf wouldn't go into the corner to get a puck because he saw Lucic coming? That is exactly the kind of bravery you want from your team captain.

- Jon got to Google pictures of Elisha Cuthbert for this recap.

- GOALS ON PARADE!

- Did Wade Redden jump in a time machine? Dude was a BEAST!

- Really. Did you ever expect to say that the first Bruins goal of the 2013 playoffs was scored by Wade Redden?

- That's like saying James Reimer is a franchise goalie.

- LOLZ.

- What a game by David Krejci. What. A. Game.

 

- DESTROYCHUK'D!

- Don't worry baby. Horton just wants to give you the tip!

- You get an A for effort Chris Kelly. But a D+ for fighting skill.

- Tuukka Rask. No explanation necessary.

- Is it a rule that if your name is Joffrey you have to be a little bitch?

- JVR thinks he's a tough guy. Hitting people after the whistle. LOLZ.

Exactly Segsy. Exactly.

- There was some idiot kid sitting next to Jon and Pizz that was holding up a CANADIENS SUCK shirt the ENTIRE game. Yeah, we're sure the MAPLE LEAFS are upset that you think the CANADIENS suck.

Also, douche, if you were trying to imply that CanadiAns suck, most of the players on the Bruins are from Canada. So either way you're dumber than a Maple Leafs fan who thinks that team has any real shot at the Cup.

- The Maple Leafs thinking they could get "tough" and physical with the Bruins and hang with them. Again, LOLZ.

- Seriously you bums. The Bruins are at their best when you try to get physical with them. EVERYONE in the world not named Randy Carlyle knwos this. That strategy is just as useless as Phil Kessel's acne cream.

- Reimer looked shakier than Michael J. Fox.

- Colton Orr thinking he's an NHL player. He's even less useful than Reimer's glove hand.

- Toronto.

- The Maple Leafs.

- The Toronto Maple Leafs.

- Can the Bruins keep the switch on?

- When will Boychuk officially reform House of Pain?

- Who thought James Reimer was good?

- Does anyone care that  Jon didn't spell check this post? He doesn't.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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