chicago

73. Chicago Blackhawks at Boston Bruins. #SHITTYNARRATIVES AHEAD!

I seriously don’t know what to do with this new WordPress back end. It is like the scene in Anchorman where Ron has to eat the shit, but instead of having to eat the shit -

HOLY SHIT IT JUST AUTOSAVED!

- Do you understand? Do you understand what it was like writing with Joomla? It was like having your balls in a vice grip and every time you went to save. More than not the post would save normally and you would go on your merry way – the vice grip that was latched onto your sack like a leach stuck due to rust. You made it out alive. You’re safe.

But sometimes, sometimes Joomla was lose everything. The vice grip was greased and squeezing your fleshy grapes until they popped. This usually happened on super long posts because Joomla was created by Satan himself. Joomla is the devil.

But this? This is like heaven.

I’m just so happy

Oh – there’s a hockey game. I’m sorry. (I’m not sorry).

So there’s two routes I can go here. I can throw the #shittynarrative at you that the Bruins have so much pent up anger against the Chicago Blackhawks because of how last June played out. I can tell you that the Bruins have striven, fought, clawed and combated their way through 72 games – one of which was against these very Blackhawks – so they could avenge their loss to this team on their ice. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that Chicago viciously stole Game 6 away from the Bruins in a mere 17 seconds…and…and…

Exactly.

How about this?

Boston has a chance to do two things tonight:

1. Continue their dominance as of late.
2. Dispel the bullshit notion that the Western Conference will slaughter the Eastern Conference.

In fact, let’s focus on that second point for a moment shall we? The Bruins are 17-4-4 against the Western Conference this year and if we want to play with specifics – 6-1-4 against the Central. That loss? St. Louis – arguably the best team in the NHL. So I don’t want to hear this bullshit that the Western Conference would wipe the floor with the East. It’s another #shittynarrative that people like to throw around because they look at points only.

Sure, look at the bottom of the conferences. “Oh Buffalo is 1-11-0 against the Central!” they’ll cry out, but it’s fucking Buffalo. Buffalo couldn’t shoot fish in a barrel at this moment. Buffalo is such a shit hole that Ralph Wilson would rather die than live there.

Why is no one really talks about Anaheim – a Stanley Cup favorite – going 9-5-2 against the Atlantic? You know why? Because it doesn’t fit their #shittynarratives.

Here’s all you really need to know about this game tonight. The Bruins and Blackhawks both rank in the top 5 in corsi for percent for the season. Chicago sits second and Boston sits fourth – which means they’re the best possession teams in the NHL. This is going to be a neutral zone battle. Whoever can win the neutral zone – wins the game. How do you like that for some hockey analysis?

Can I talk about one more thing? Milan Lucic needs to stop worrying about this Alex Emelin thing. He denies nut tapping the guy…

s/t to @myregularface

and then calls him a chicken like we’re in fucking second grade. Stop. You’re a grown ass man, own up to your actions. Yes, you stick your stick into his tender man parts because you lost your cool on a CLEAN HIP CHECK. Then Haggs dropped this:

Okay Milan – it’s time. Let it go big guy.

The Worst Bruin of the Past Decade Tournament

The tournament is still going strong! The Shit Sixteen ends in about an hour and the Awful Eight will commence. Get your voting in for the Shit Sixteen now!


Projected Lines

Milan Lucic – David Krejci – Jarome Iginla
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Reilly Smith
Carl Söderberg – Chris Kelly – Loui Eriksson
Shawn Thornton – Greg Campbell – Dan Paille

Dougie Hamilton – Zdeno Chara
Andrej Meszaros – Johnny Boychuk
Torey Krug – Kevan Miller

Tuukka Rask


Media

Puck Drop: 7:oopm EST
TV: NESN, NHL-N
Radio: 98.5 The Sports Hub
ONLINE STREAMS: HERE

Click for streams


Know The Enemy

The Committed Indian


Gameday Image/Video

Sorry, I had to. I really am sorry :(

Pez

About Pez

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

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