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82. Boston Bruins at New Jersey Devils. The End of the Beginning

It’s finally here. Thank sweet chocolate christ on a cracker, the end of the regular season is here!

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All that stands between the Bruins and a first round matchup with Detroit is a sixty minute game that means absolutely fuck-all in Newark. That’s right, Marchand, go refill your Valtrex prescription, the season ends in Dirty Jersey.

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In all likelihood, this is the last game Martin Brodeur ever plays as a New Jersey Devil. One of the greatest goalies and worst human beings to ever play the game. Before you jump all over me, just remember, he cheated on his wife with his sister-in-law. I don’t care how many Cups he’s won, that’s grade-A dirtbag material. Add on terrible teammate, since his ego is reason 1B why Jersey’s missing out on the Playoffs for the second year in a row, something that hasn’t happened since 1987.

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Yeah, the whole going 0’fer in shootouts certainly killed their chances, but if Schneider starts more than basically a 50/50 split, this team is in the playoffs instead of Detroit.

Yup, because of Marty Brodeur refusing to admit that he’s not an NHL starting goalie anymore, we’re forced to put up with another year of hearing Red Wings fans say stupid shit like “Nicklas Lidstrom was better than Bobby Orr”, “Jimmy Howard is an elite goalie”, and “Our city isn’t bankrupt.” I hate Wings fans, they’re the worst. You just can’t have a conversation about hockey without them bringing it back to Detroit.

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Detroit. The team owned by one of the most terrifying faces you’ll ever see.

Detroit. The place that makes Afghanistan seem like a nice place to visit.

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Detroit. The city responsible for Ted Nugent, Juggalos, and Scott Steiner. You’re welcome, America.

Wait, who are the B’s even playing today? The Devils? Are any of you even watching this game? Why? It’s pretty much gonna be half of the P-Bruins eating up minutes. Bob’s Burgers season 3 just came out on Netflix.  Watch that instead. Or go outside. Save your energy for the playoffs.


 Projected Lines

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Chad Johnson


 Media

Puck Drop: 3:00pm EST

TV: NESN

Radio: 98.5 The Sports Hub

ONLINE FEEDS: HEREBostonBruins_Onlinefeeds


 Know the Enemy

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 Gameday Image/Video

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Marshall

About Marshall

Holder of the Triforce of Courage. Hero of Time. Savior of Hyrule. Also, I like hockey, Star Wars, ASOIAF, Batman, Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars fan fiction, math, and cheeseburgers. Seriously, I f'n love cheeseburgers. Sometimes I write monster stories at yogurtisthenewblack.wordpress.com (yes, toddlers are monsters)

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