ECQFGM2FINAL

HERE COMES PETER COTTONTAIL, REVELLING IN THE DETROIT FAIL…BRUINS WIN!

A belated Happy Easter, DOY readers!  Hopefully the Easter Bunny was good to each and every one of you, loading you up with pounds of chocolate, Peeps, and jelly beans…while keeping you safe from the dangers of type 2 diabetes in the process.

For some of us, a Bruins playoff game was the best way to spend the holiday, and a fantastic bookend for what was definitely an interesting weekend of playoff hockey.  In a nutshell (pun intended), Milan Lucic proved, yet again, that the B’s are a dirty bunch of goons, deserving of banishment from the NHL for their routinely dirty and dangerous play.  While I assume that Danny DeKeyser was wearing a cup, Looch was clearly out to injure and/or end DeKeyser’s life with his show of poor sportsmanship.  The kind that happens behind the play in probably 99% of NHL games, but usually ISN’T caught on camera, I mean.  Other than some temporary discomfort and nominal embarrassment, he finished the game without any problems.  Meanwhile in St. Louis, the Chicago Blackhawks showed us troglodytes how REAL hockey is played.  Bryan Bickell’s knee on knee hit was a genuine show of skill and beauty, and Brent Seabrook’s shoulder to the head of David Backes was as clean a hockey play as one can ever hope to see!  According to many, Backes ‘should have kept his head up’, and he was ‘a pussy.’  Nevermind the fact that his head was almost detached from his body or anything.  Other incidents involving sticks from Corey Perry and Kris Letang were largely ignored by the media, and subsequently NHL fans everywhere.  But that Milan Lucic, right?!  Talentless hack!

Lucic’s hook work was the most talked about since that famous story regarding the escaped mental patient/killer who had a hook for a hand and used to terrorize lover’s lanes everywhere.  I couldn’t find any links to the story on the Google, but I remember my sister’s best friend’s doctor’s cousin tell it to me back when I was a kid…so I KNOW it’s legit.  Sadly, this will taint (pun intended again) Lucic’s reputation around the league, as he’s now a repeat offender.  Besides this incident and his recent ‘encounter’ with Alexei Emelin, we at Days of Y’Orr were able to find a slew of other incidents that will forever harden Milan Lucic’s reputation as a crotchety attacker of, uh, crotches.  Like this.

 This:

This:

 And these:

Let’s just hope that he can get the help that he so clearly needs.  In fairness to Looch, though, we also uncovered some evidence that he might have actually been doing DeKeyser a favor, but we’ll let you be the judge:

Now onto the game itself.  After opening the series flat on Friday night, B’s fans everywhere were nervous about game 2, knowing that a repeat performance would ensure an 0-2 hole before heading back to that shithole known as Detroit against the team that owned them during the regular season and whose speed gives them the most fits, matchup wise.  No pressure, right?  Luckily for all of us, the B’s rose to the occasion and played a first period that can be called nothing short of dominant.  In the penalty laden period, the B’s outshot, outhit, and outhustled the Wings, forcing them to try and play Bruins style hockey in the process.  The scoring began when native Michigander Justin Florek caught Jimmy Howard being Jimmy Howard, and capitalized on a mistake by the Wings goalie to make the score 1-0.  At least Howard got style points for being able to hold the splits long into his slide…

 

 Later in the period, the Bruins appeared to have learned from their failure to get to the net in game 1, and Reilly Smith was able to convert on a Bruins powerplay to make it 2-0, B’s.

After doing nothing short of dominating Detroit throughout the first period, both teams headed into the intermission on a comedic high.  That’s right…I’m talking about Brendan Smith nutting up to fight…Zdeno Chara.  The whole altercation was sparked by Johan ‘The Mule’ Franzen’s questionable hit on Johnny Boychuk late in the period.  Here’s a fun playoff fact: Franzen’s nickname was acquired from his mom’s participation in donkey-human ‘entertainment’ in Tijuana during the 1970’s.  While that’s probably not true, maybe if it’s repeated often enough it can be!  I don’t know why I laughed so much during the Smith-Chara altercation.  Was it the size difference?  The way that Chara just openly laughed at Smith?  The way that Smith couldn’t really reach Chara with his feeble swipes?  The answer is yes.  Yes to all of the above.  When Coach Hair is even laughing at you, it’s best just to call it a day and try and regain your dignity at a later point.  Even though now you’ll always be remembered in internet pics.  Memes.  GIFS.  YouTube videos.  The internet has a way of never forgetting…

Detroit’s actual team showed up for the second period, and Luke Glendingaling’s goal really took the air out of the Garden for a bit.  It wasn’t a pretty goal…just a lucky bounce that was even reviewed to make it seem more official-like…but it counted, regardless, and cut the Bruins lead to 2-1.  Now looking to be on THEIR heels, how would the B’s respond?  Approximately five minutes after the Wings cut the lead in half, the Bruins would parlay a successful PK into a nifty display of passing that culminated in Looch hooking the shit out of Jimmy Howard’s balls.  Metaphorically, of course.  Torey Krug got the puck up to Lucic…then over to Jarome Iginla…who then neatly weaved with Looch on a give and go to again give the Bruins a two goal lead, 3-1.  I swear it took forever for that puck to get across the goal line!

In the third period, the Bruins were able to get an insurance goal on the power play from Zdeno Chara, who was still riding the high of almost fighting a midget on national TV.  Ok, so he’s listed at 6’1”, but you get where I was doing with that.

Final score…Bruins 4, Red Wings 1.  The series now goes to 8 Mile for the next two games.  I’m assuming that the B’s will be staying across the river in Windsor.  At least I hope so, anyway.

 

- Tuukka Rask!  After a stellar game one, Tuukka followed it up with an even better game two.  Here’s a nugget for the naysayers…Tuukka is better than Jimmy Howard.  So even though NBC would like to be able to hype up a goalie duel, Tuukka is the guy who is probably going to show up on a nightly basis.  Jimmy Howard is the guy who’ll shut you out one game, and then flub the puck so badly that it directly results in an opposition goal the next.

- New kids!  Way to step up, Justin Florek!  The kid has made the most out of his opportunity that came from the injuries to Bruins regulars.

- The Big, Bad Bruins!  The Bruins showed up to play their game today, and by the time Detroit got on track it was too late.

- Jelly beans!  I go apeshit for them every year.  Mainly the Starburst ones, and only for Easter.

 

- Hockey games are 60 minutes long.  That first period was incredible!  I was more relieved to see that period than any other in history, with the possible exception of that one time I thought I got my girlfriend pregnant my sophomore year of college.  The other two periods?  Not as good.  Can the B’s please bring it for an entire game?

- Detroit fans.  Please, for the love of Jesus on this holy of holy days…shut the hell up!  Was this only one game?  Yes.  But then again, so was Friday.  Those of you predicting a Detroit sweep look even dumber than you did before.  And stop using the ‘AHL Roster’ bit as an excuse.  “Our lineup would look so much better with Zetterberg, Ericsson, and Weiss playing!”  Yeah, well we would enjoy seeing Dennis Seidenberg, Daniel Paille, Matt Bartkowski, and Chris Kelly.  Make due with what you have, and tell your kids to step up.  Injuries show a crucial thing called DEPTH.

- Television advertising.  Is there ANYONE else that wants to buy ad time on NHL broadcasts?  Please??  Between those hipster douchebags eating McDonalds on their random red couch, Captain Morgan shooting glasses full of liquor in slow motion, and those idiotic Discover twins too stupid to realize that they were talking to each other the whole time, I swear that ad interest during the NHL playoffs is at an all time low.  And that is definitely not awesomesauce for the average viewer.

- Which Bruins team is going to show up in game 3?

- Was anyone else thinking that Looch looked angry enough after his offsides negated Krejci’s EN goal in the third, that he’d actually spear the linesman in the nuts for making the call?

- Was anyone (besides me) actually HOPING that Looch would spear Pierre McGuire in the jewels as he was interviewed before puck drop?

- Why do people like Cadbury eggs so much?

 

 

chipdoy

About chipdoy

Chip is not a professional writer - and it shows. When he's not slowly moving laterally on the corporate ladder, he enjoys sleeping, playing hockey, sleeping, eating large sammiches, and sleeping. He's convinced that he's simply an older version of Milan Lucic, 'minus all of that talent and shit', and KNOWS that Jamie Erdahl would fall in love with him IF ONLY they could meet.

Quantcast