Jagr-Campbell-Supernatural

IF A TREE FELL IN THE FOREST, WOULD IT MAKE A SOUND IF NOBODY GAVE A SHIT? BRUINS LOSE!

 

Apparently there was a hockey game today in New Jersey between the Devils and the Bosvidence Bruins.  Did anybody watch it?  Other than me, I mean?  After Marshall’s preview, even I wasn’t looking forward to this two and a half hour time-suck.  It’s a Sunday afternoon, after all, and chores needed to be done.  We already know that we have home ice for as long as we’re alive in the playoffs, and we already know that we’ll be playing an Original 6 foe in the Red Wings in the opening round.  Could this game REALLY prove to be worth watching?  As it turns out…not really.  Let’s just call this one what it was: a preseason game with some nice subplots.

Grumpy Old Men

Boston’s fate has been decided.  They won the President’s Trophy on Saturday, guaranteeing home ice throughout the playoffs.  Detroit (unfortunately) locked up the 8th seed, giving the Bruins probably THE matchup in the opening round that nobody wanted to have happen.  Players have been rested, and this again occurred en masse during the regular season finale Sunday in New Jersey.  Amongst the Providence call ups to fill out the lineup today, perhaps most anticipated was the NHL debut of Alexander Khokhlachev.  ‘KoKo’, if you recall, was the top Bruins prospect who was part of the package traded for Jarome Iginla last year.  And then untraded when Iginla chose Shittsburgh over coming to Boston.  Ironic that his debut would be in the same Bruins lineup, then, that also featured Iginla!  Although it wasn’t….as Jarome sat.  So…yeah.

Meanwhile in New Jersey, the biggest unanswered questions involved two legends on the wrong side of 40.  One of them, Jaromir Jagr, is on the most prolonged farewell tour in NHL history.  Whereas most players of his caliber go from arena to arena, collecting the adoration of cities full of respectful fans, Jagr has apparently decided to sign one year contracts with EVERYONE until he simply cannot go any further.  Which, after the numbers he posted with the Devils this year, doesn’t appear to be anytime soon.  On the flip side, there’s long time Devils netminder Martin Brodeur who, while not the most popular guy at his family reunions, is definitely number one in the hearts of New Jersey hockey fans.  Despite his accolades over the years, I have a hard time calling Brodeur the greatest goalie of all time.  It was easy to rack up the majority of those numbers while playing in the oppressive defensive system of the Devils for so many years, so I personally take them with a grain of salt.  And no, there isn’t a comparison between Brodeur’s success and that of Tim Thomas/Tuukka Rask.  Games where Brodeur faced fewer than 15 shots were the norm, whereas Bruins goalies have seen more rubber than a hooker at Fleet Week.  Because I still have hope those in the sex trade actually practice safe sex.  Anyway, this writer is personally curious as to what the future holds for Jaromir Jagr, a true legend and genuinely quirky hockey personality.  I could personally give two shits for what happens to Marty…a guy known now more for his Shakespearean-esque family ‘issues’ than for his recent performance on the ice.  Hey, did we tell you that he left his wife for his sister in law??  Apparently Brodeur wasn’t having any of that ‘hockey players are really great, warm, and fuzzy’ bullshit that we all typically appreciate from the guys in the NHL.

So here’s what happened in the game.  And I MAY have had to double check with ESPN, because I MAY have taken a nap for a bit.  But really, is anyone even reading this??

– Noted puck moving defenseman and cantankerous geriatric fuck Marek Zidlicky scored on a nice wraparound on Hi, My Name is Chad Johnson.

GIF: Chad Johnson, still not exactly lightning fast post-to-post

- Loui Eriksson tied the game on some pretty puck movement between himself and Carl Soderberg.  I MAY be getting used to the idea that Loui will (and should) remain on Line 3 with another two point effort today.

GIF: The Swedes just havin' some fun out there 

– Jagr later assisted Travis “Please don’t call me Pat” Zajac on the go ahead goal, and then assisted Zidlicky on his second of the game.  While I can’t confirm, Zidlicky may have then left the arena to go chase kids off of his lawn.

Zajac goal

– With the game in hand – and the New Jersey faithful cascading Brodeur with applause each time he did something as simple as itching his ass – Brad Marchand scored with under a minute remaining to make the final score 3-2, Devils.

– This:

NESN Presidential Campaign

– Nobody got hurt!!!

– The Boston skill players (Reilly, Marchand, Loui, KoKo) all looked solid, for what it’s worth.  It definitely wasn’t 100%, but some nice things were done.  And they didn’t get hurt!

– Nobody got hurt!!!

 

– Some key players could have potentially gotten hurt.

– Dougie Hamilton playing out of his element as a forward?  Luckily he didn’t get hurt!

– Brodeur’s storybook career in New Jersey ended on a happy note.  But we won’t forget that whole ‘incestuous family’ chapter of said storybook.  That one must have hurt!

– How do the Brodeurs handle holiday gatherings?

– Did the B’s miss a potential marketing coup in giving KoKo jersey #76 instead of #74?  Anyone with a history in the service…ok, or those who played Call of Duty for hours on end…knows the AK-74 is a badass assault rifle.  It would also make for a badass hockey nickname.  With all due respect to Radek Bonk, #76 is garbage.

– Is anyone else incredibly worried about the Dead Wings?

– Are you ready to bring the Cup back to Boston?

– Is anyone still reading this??

chipdoy

About chipdoy

Chip is not a professional writer - and it shows. When he's not slowly moving laterally on the corporate ladder, he enjoys sleeping, playing hockey, sleeping, eating large sammiches, and sleeping. He's convinced that he's simply an older version of Milan Lucic, 'minus all of that talent and shit', and KNOWS that Jamie Erdahl would fall in love with him IF ONLY they could meet.

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