Luongo’s Five Hole Looser Than Bunny Ranch Employees. BRUINS WIN!

Suck it Vancouver. Suck it long, suck it hard.

- Iginla: Hey Lucic, show me your best impression of how easy it was to score on Luongo in the 2011 Finals! LOLZ

- Vancouver REALLY needed a goal. When Krug and Lucic collided, Daniel Sedin grabbed the puck and went in for a break away on Rask. There was just one problem.

- My name is Iggy Montoya. Ref made shitty call. Prepare to die.

- Quote of the night comes via our pal @PeteBlackburn: "I don't know why Bruins fans dislike Roberto Luongo. He's hilarious on Twitter & he helped bring a Cup to Boston. What's not to like?"

- Towards the end of the second, the ever useless David Booth tried to hit Boychuk high. Boychuk didn't like it and showed Booth why people call Boychuk "The Widow Maker"

- Speaking of Boychuk, what a fucking MONSTER shift by Boychuk on Paille's goal. He was tossing bodies around like it was nothing, making plays and then the fantastic pass up to Paille for the breakaway!!! Boychuk's wife was heard saying that Boychuk's pass was just barely longer than his manhood. Barely.

Boychuk: Hey Danny, remember when they took away that goal? Paille: You thinking what I'm thinking? Boychuk: Yup!

- Paille Breakaway?! PARTY TIME!!!

- LOLOLOLZ BOYCHUK ENDED BOOTH AT THE END OF THE SECOND!

- Diaz has more goals for the Canucks than the Sedin twins in their last 16 combined games. Apparently he was also dead set on proving the knuckle puck actually works. Take that Mighty Ducks critics!

- Marchand, were you attempting a Rock Bottom? If so we REALLY approve.

- Let the story of David Booth be a cautionary tale to the rest of the NHL. Do. Not. FUCK. With. Destroychuk. He'll literally hunt you all game long.

Here's a few shots from some of Boychuk's other high profile victims:

- Here's what's left of David Booth:

- Claude either didn't like the no goal call or he wants a hot dog.

- Career assist #600 for Iginla. He's already got a suite booked in the HHOF.

- How much Vancouver sucks.

- How easy it is to score on Luongo.

- Luongo's five hole.

- Bruins domination of the Sedins.

- Didn't like that no goal call. Krug didn't intentionally jump on Luongo. Eh, whatever.

- Remember that one time five Canucks players jumped Thornton? Another game, still no Canuck brave enough to take him one on one.

- Burrows tossing a puck at Marchand after the whistle. Hey Burrows, how does it feel to know the one thing you'll be remembered most for in your career is biting a guy? 

- Kesler is nothing but a cheap shotting, gutless punk ass and will never win a Cup because he's awful.

Speaking of, ace reporter Patrice Purrgeron was able to get an exclusive interview with Bruins coach Claude Julien:

- Claude if you had to guess, how many balls would you say the Canucks collectively have?

Interesting. Would you rather live in Vancouver, or have Chara violate you?

Couldn't agree more Claude! What do you think of Vancouver's coaching?

Do you think Vancouver will ever win a Cup?

Agreed!

Thanks for making time for us Claude!

- Hey Johnny, how would you describe your performance?

- What was Boychuk's final body count?

- Hey Batman, should everyone shut up?

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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