A Patrice Purrgeron Exclusive Interview: Jeremy Jacobs

 

He is a man that goes by many names. Satan. Senor Douchebag. Ole Turkey Neck. The Rasin Balls. Beelz. That Old Greedy Selfish Cum Dumpster. Scrooge McJacobs. To his family, he's simply known as Jeremy.

Good evening. I am Patrice Purrgeron and I'm here to expose the biggest cancer in Boston. Some might call Jeremy Jacobs a spoiled little brat. A giant steaming pile of elephant shit. The load his dad should've shot into a tube sock. When he wears a turtleneck, he looks like a busted condom.

There are jerks, and then there's first ballot Hall of Fame Assholes like Jeremy Jacobs. A man who would push an old lady in front of a bus to pick up a nickel and then steal her purse.

Fresh off another round of absolutely molesting Bruins fans, I sat down with this gigantic cow turd to get his side of the story.

 

Just lived everyone Bruins fan's DREAM!

And those of you complaining that people who are upset with the 30% price increase should just stop their bitching. "You don't have to go" they say.

Those of you who say that could not possibly be dumber. That is not the heart of the issue. The issue here is that the Bruins are an organization who clearly do NOT care about fans at all. These are fans who sat through three lock outs in the last twenty years. Fans who stuck with this team through everything and are now being priced out so Jacobs can turn TD Garden into Fenway Park.

The Bruins are not a poor organization. No matter how they eventually spin this increase, they'll be lying through their teeth. They do not struggle to fill seats. There is absolutely ZERO business reason to increase ticket prices, especially in such a dramatic fashion.

What this boils down to is that Jeremy Jacobs and his fellow owners caused a lock out that caused them to lose profit. Jacobs' own ego, greed and selfishness lost him money, not the fans of the Bruins but the Bruins fans are the ones being punished so this ancient, uncaring bastard of a barely human being has more money to fill his vaults.

Apparently it wasn't enough that the Bruins jacked up the prices at concession stands while giving fans smaller portions. No, the Bruins had to go ahead and officially out price the majortiy of their true fans.

Anyone who has been to a Bruins game since they won the Cup knows what I'm talking about. The crowds, win or lose, are generally silent. You still have people in the stands asking why Marc Savard isn't playing. You have people with money to blow who know NOTHING about hockey taking up tickets that fans who actually love the Bruins could be taking.

But no. As always, Jeremy Jacobs and his cronies don't care. At the end of the day a billionaire who has enough money for 100 lifetimes needs more in his pocket, so the Boston fan base suffers the consequences yet again. 

There is no plausible, logicial or acceptable excuse for a 30% increase. I know you don't care Bruins and you never will. And it's shame too because the players love the fans, it's just the rest of the organization who doesn't care. The market for tickets is good so the Bruins are pricing out those of us who live by stricter means than a worthless scum of a billionaire.

If you're too poor to enjoy the Bruins, too bad. If you find paying $150 for a balcony seat unacceptable, too bad. The Bruins don't want or need you. They don't care how quiet the arena is as long as Jacobs gets what he wants.

Like many teams, the Bruins say their fans are "the best in the NHL!" So why do you treat your fan base like dog shit Bruins? 

I look forward to your pandering, patronizing response to fan outrage. I produce bette shit in my litter box. And enough people will buy into it that it doesn't matter. TD Garden is already well on it's way to being a place people just want to be seen rather than a place people go to rapidly support the Bruins.

And I'm sure right now Jeremy Jacobs is sitting on his giant throne made of baby skulls just maniacally laughing at your misery. He has no heart, no soul. He can't understand your frustration. And even though you don't care, just know that there are legions of fans who want nothing more than for the team to be ripped from your bony claws. 

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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