Not sure why, but grown men spearing each other in the balls is the hottest trend in the 2014 Stanley Cup Playoffs. In fact, we can summarize the entire NHL Playoffs in six seconds.
Seriously, WTF, guys? You’re all mostly adults. Stop hitting each other in the love tube and just punch each other in the face like normal, civilized gentlemen. Geez.
Anyways, here’s every spear to the groin we’ve seen so far (in no particular order), but it’s possible we’ve missed a few. If so, drop us a line and with a link to the GIF/Video of the incident and we’ll add it to the list.
To start the party, we have Corey Perry going full Ramsay Snow on Jaime Benn in the first round.
No worries, though. Perry would get his just dessert, compliments of Ryan Garbutt.
And if you think a regular hockey stick to the gonads was bad, ask Perry about Jonathan Quick’s goalie paddle.
Yowzer! Seriously, folks. Leave Perry’s balls be… unless he spears one of your guys in the junk and/or squirts water into your teammate’s glove between whistles. Then it’s hunting season for his mangoods.
We also have Milan Lucic taking out some aggression Danny Dekeser’s love spuds.
Really, bro? Do you know who you are?
Even the NHL’s faces can’t help but devolve into childish cheep shots, as Sidney Crosby demonstrates on Dominique Moore.
Can’t say we’re surprised to see that coming from Crosby.
Unfortunately for Crosby and whatever woman he decides to procreate with, he was on the receiving end more than the giving.
Then there’s Andrei Markov publicizing his death wish by raising his stick into Zdeno Chara’s family jewels.
We’re assuming Markov meant to high stick Chara but was only able to reach as high as Z’s sack.
Have no fear. The righteous Montreal Canadiens are back at it again with the first of what we expect to be many ball spears in the conference finals.
YOLO. Right, Prust?
That’s all… for now… still plenty of hockey left.