loochamania

Underrated Like Lucic. BRUINS WIN!

This is what happens when you face the Bruins these days:

And so you don’t get confused again Boston media, we were chanting “we want ten” not “we want Van” and the Bruins gave us 10…in row.

HEY BERGERON, TRY NOT TO SCORE ANY GOALS ON YOUR WAY THROUGH THE PARKING LOT!

Before the game the Bruins got together and were like you know what guys, we’ve got a HUGE lead in the standings, let’s sit roughly half our normal roster and if we lose oh well it’s cool.

But then during the game the Bruins were all like oh man guys we forgot, we’re still fucking awesome. Whoops LOLZ. Sorry Devils.

Eastern Conference is just collectively shitting it’s pants at the mere thought of having to face the Bruins in a seven game series. Bergeron is magical, Chara is a beast, Marchand and Iginla won’t stop scoring, Rask’s brick wall business is booming… we could go on and on and on.

Pittsburgh? LOLZ

Montreal? LOLZ

Eastern Conference All Star Team vs Bruins? LOLZ Bruins win. Suck it long, suck it hard.

Best part for us? Bruins still have some improvements to make. They could be playing better. A team that has won 10 in a row could be playing better.

Hmmm… be right back. Gotta go take a cold shower.

– Greg’s trolling skills. Hilarious. He owned you all today. You whiners.

– Ryane Clowe, here’s a tip for you: after missing most of the season with a concussion, fighting Lucic was a poor choice. Also, tell your parents they’re fucking stupid for adding an E to your name.

– This would’ve been a goal on most other goalies, but Brodeur’s old man saggy balls blocked the puck. Poor Lucic.

– My name is Patrice Bergeron and I’m a goalaholic.

– Jaromir Jagr is just unbelievably good. His tenure with the Bruins may not have been his best showing but Jagr in his 40’s is still better than the majority of players in the NHL. Dougie Hamilton learned this the hard way.

– So to start the second the Bruins were at a 5-3 disadvantage. They were doing their best on the PK but you could tell something was going to go wrong. Then it did:

And Julien was all like….

But then Bergeron, Marchand and Iginla got together and were like “LOLZ guys that’s cute, New Jersey thinks they have a chance. Check this shit out coach!”

Annnnnnnnd the tie is gone. Watching these guys work is better than the best porn you’ve ever seen.

– Been very impressed with Meszaros. Hamilton, Bartkowski, Miller…notice has been served. Playoffs are coming. You can be replaced if you aren’t up for the job.

– Before the game Jagr said Lucic is perhaps the most underrated player in the entire NHL. Big praise from a legend. Now we wish Jagr was still with the Bruins so we could watch this brolationship grow.

– If you have an ugly face Kevan Miller REALLY doesn’t like you. At all. Ever.

– Bergeron and Marchand love penalty killing like Buffalo loves not making the playoffs. New Jersey looked terrified every time either one of them touched the puck.

– And Claude, lighten up. Marchand’s ring kissing thing was not only hilarious, but lit a fire under Marchand that has only intensified as the season has gone on. We’d think about Marchand in the playoffs more, but our wieners can only get so erect.

– Jarome Iginla. Everything he does. EVERYTHING. And congrats on tying Johnny Bucyk for career goals Iggy. Fuck, we love you and your blinding smile. Game MVP. He jammed himself down New Jersey’s throat.

– Soderberg is RIDICULOUS. What a pass to Kelly for the B’s fourth goal and the kid is an absolute puck hound. Soderberg, I will give you one of my eyes because I love you so much. You’re awesome.

– Sign of a good team: They’re up by two late in the third period and still get SUPER pissed when they miss a good chance.

– Brodeur, you’re one of the greatest goalies to ever play the game. But stop. You’re waaaaaaay past your prime. You look awful. Scott Gomez could probably score on you these days. It’s time to ride off into the sunset.

– REST CHARA PLEASE!!!!!!

– Devils fans once they realized their team should be losing about 24-1 after the second period:

– Devils play a White Stripes song when they score? Fucking AWFUL. That band is awful. Just like the 2013-14 version of Brodeur. If you like the White Stripes you like incredibly shitty music and I hate your ugly face like Kevan Miller does.

– Remember that time Brodeur left his wife for her sister?

– Bruins just kind of let Zajac walk in for the Devils second goal. They’ve always supported great charities though so we can’t stay mad.

– Who cares if the Bruins did anything wrong. What a streak. We can’t get our pants over these throbbing erections.

– The NHL should institute a mercy rule when the Bruins face teams like New Jersey.

– The new McDonald’s filet-o-fish commercial.

– My TV started spewing this white, sticky goo whenever Jack talked about Elias. My living room smells like an indoor pool now.

– Why are you still so awesome Jagr?

– Can you get our wives pregnant Jagr? Please?

– Shut up.

About Jon

Jon loves Batman, The Joker, the Bruins and hates you. Especially you. He has a man crush on David Backes and hopes to someday be Mrs. Jon Boychuk.

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