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Why Your Expectations Should Be Low This Offseason

This is more rant than anything. You’ll probably hate it. Enjoy. 

I think there are some ridiculous expectations of the Bruins this off-season. You’ve already heard people calling radio shows, writing blogs, tweeting that the Bruins need to make a huge move.

“Ya the Broons need tah sign Tomas Vanek.”
“Tha Broons should go aftah Matt Molson.”
“Broons need a scorrah tah put on tha wing.”

But I don’t know if everyone realizes how much Peter Chiarelli fucked them with Iginla’s contract last season and the cap bonus penalty they are going to pay. The Bruins carryover bonus overage is $4,750,000 which, if it were a player, would rank 6th on the team in salary. About $4,250,000 of that comes from the Iginla-incentive loaded contract from last season which is why he only carried a $1,800,000 cap hit last season.

So after the signing of Niklas Svedberg, the Bruins have $3,770,357 to re-sign Torey Krug, Matt Fraser, Reilly Smith and fill Shawn Thornton’s spot.

Here’s the Bruins current roster. Please click on the image for a larger, hi-res version of it.

bruins roster

Also, please refrain from the “trade Caron and Bartkowski” shit because neither player is currently configuring into cap hits. Trading them really won’t give the Bruins cap relief, which is what the team desperately needs. The Bruins have a few options in terms of getting cap relief with compliance buy-outs and trades but Peter Chiarelli has already stated that he will not be using either of his two compliance buy-outs this season (which is the last year to use them).

So you can cross Chris Kelly and/or Adam McQuaid and/or Greg Campbell being bought out off of your to do list. Any idea of cap relief in the form of $4+ to even $2+ million dollars are gone. Killed quicker than Milan Lucic on a cross crease scoring chance.

The last option is a trade and it looks like the targets are Johnny Boychuk and/or Brad Marchand. Now Peter Chiarelli has already come out and said that he’s not trading Brad Marchand. Is Chiarelli posturing? Maybe. But when he traded Seguin, he didn’t deny the rumors or reports. He just said that Seguin needs to be more professional.

That leaves the Bruins with trading Johnny Boychuk despite having a pretty reasonable cap hit after evolving to a good #3, serviceable #2 defenseman with Seidenberg out. You can make the case that Boychuk ended the year as the Bruins best defenseman in the playoffs – out playing Chara and Hamilton and the body of stiffs after that. It boils down to Chiarelli trading a guy like Boychuk for cap relief because his contracts suck.

And if you do trade Boychuk, you’re left with guys like Krug, McQuaid, Miller and whoever else you quickly bring in to fill Boychuk’s spot and/or the 7th defenseman spot.

Woof.

Incoming: A very unpopular opinion is about to be dropped on a very popular player. If you cannot handle criticism of your favorite team please exit. 

Ask yourself is Milan Lucic is really a $6,000,000 player. In my eyes? Nope. A potential 30 goal scorer (he has done it once) that can fight (which he doesn’t do as often anymore) and that’s about it. He is slow, he has hands made of cement and while the theory that “he opens the ice up for guys like Krejci” may hold some weight – he can’t finish when Krejci puts the puck on his stick.

It has been very well known that I am an anti-Lucic guy. He was lazy before the lockout and crushed it in the playoffs because he was in shape while other guys entered the season in shape. He has the maturity of a hockey five year old calling guys chicken as he spears them in the dick (twice) and tells a couple other guys he’s going to fucking kill them in a handshake line. Whatever Lucic brings to the game his attitude and antics have the adverse effect. But hey he put Mike Van Rym through the glass once and kick the shit out of Mike Komisarek!!oen1e1!

Brad Marchand a $4,500,000 player? Nope.
Chris Kelly making $3,000,000? Wat.

The roster is riddled with overpaid players (including Eriksson which isn’t Chiarelli’s fault outside of wanting to acquire him) who have little to no trade value. Is someone going to want to take Chris Kelly – a guy who had ankle and back problems this season – at $3M a clip? Who would be idiotic enough to do that? Yes, someone took on Rich Peverley’s contract but that’s because 37 goals and 84 points player Tyler Seguin came with him. You think someone would willingly take on Rich Peverley’s contract alone?

If Tyler Seguin was the amazing blow job in that trade, Rich Peverley was the sneaky finger in the cinnamon ring.

Adam McQuaid is the only guy who has some trade value but his leg or head or neck or back – his neck and his back (Friday reference, he doesn’t really have neck issues) – injuries are mysterious. You could probably grab a low draft pick for him, but you’re not going to get something of value because you can’t afford it.

It boils down to this:

Don’t expect much from the Bruins this offseason. The Bruins have shit for cap space and Chiarelli isn’t a guy willing to admit he has made contractual mistakes. He is holding onto the corpse of Chris Kelly’s hockey career like a toddler being dropped off at daycare for the first time. If Kelly isn’t traded he’s a $3M third line (and actually more of a 4th line) center or wing player because Carl Söderberg made us all forget.

Welp.

Unless Jarome Iginla is willing to sign a similar deal as last season where he is paid more for hitting incentives, kiss the man goodbye. I don’t think Iginla is willing to sign one of those deals again, but stranger things have happened.

Chiarelli’s shit cap management, coupled with some really bad drafting (2007-2009 drafts especially), has put this team in a rough spot.

Set your expectations low people. Set them so lower than a Brad Marchand “hip check”.

Pez

About Pez

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

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