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MAGICAL UNICORNS AND OTHER IMPOSSIBLE THINGS. BRUINS WIN!!!!!

I am so ill prepared for this recap you guys. I had assumed that I’d be recapping another epic loss and was fully prepared to drown my sorrows in sad gifs and angry ranting, but guess what? That’s right friends. The Bruins won the game today against the New York Rangers, giving them a nice, […]

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Senators Get Blown Out, But Bruins Blow It. BRUINS LOSE.

For the first part of this recap, you need to get the tune of an old classic in your head: Now you may proceed. This was going way better before the Bruins blew it and killed my motivation. Bruins really needed a Win here in Suckberg. Need points to catch the Sens from some Duck […]

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The Birth of the NWHL

The NWHL, the National Women’s Hockey League, is slated to kick off next year. The league will comprise of four teams: The New York Riveters Buffalo Beauts Boston Pride Connecticut Whale From the fantastically talented

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Hey Idiots, You Can’t Tank With 9 Games Left.

The Bruins have purchased, received their license and driven the black and gold struggle bus into a barber pole striped wall. They now see themselves on the outside looking into the NHL playoffs as the Ottawa Senators strap on their rocket skates and zoom into 8th place. With nine games left on the schedule, Bruins […]

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Dougie Hamilton out indefinitely :(

I mean… we all knew this was coming but doesn’t make it hurt less… Bruins are currently out of a playoff spot, too. Ottawa is a point up with a game in hand.  

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Welcome to the Boston Bruins Hunger Games!

Though the Bruins are out of the playoffs as of last night, they face a much bigger challenge. The Hunger Games have come to Boston and during the Reaping, all of the Bruins players were named as players and shuffled into Districts by yours truly. Who will survive? How will everyone die? How long will […]

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Dear Bruins: You Stink and I Don’t Like You.

Bonus points for whoever gets this reference.  I am pretty sure all of this is not factual at all, but I am really fucking frustrated with the Bruins so you’re getting a rant. Enjoy it. Don’t enjoy. I don’t care. Last night was probably my tipping point on the Boston Bruins. I don’t think I […]

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It’s Clobberin’ Time! Bruins Lose.

So Bergeron scored 33 seconds into the game and I was like…   Things looked like they might be on the upswing, but then some Lightning player whose name I will not even attempt to spell tied it up. Just one goal, no big deal, right?   J.T. Brown would give the Bolts the lead […]

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Suck a Fart, Cats. *sigh* Bruins LOSE.

Once upon a time, nice things happened to the Bruins. They played good hockey and had good players and did good things. This is not that point in time. This is a point in time where the Bruins are struggling to get goals and make smart plays on the ice. The Bruins lost tonight to […]

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Break The Internet, Too Much GIF. Bruins Lose.

So, this is less than good. Bruins had a chance to all but put away the Senators tonight, but no, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Instead, Ottawatch 2015 continues as the Sens pull within two points of the Bs, with one game in hand, no less.   The theme of missed opportunities would […]

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71. Boston Bruins at Ottawa Senators. Hamburglar?!

I’m sure I’ve used the phrase already but this is the biggest Bruins game to date. The Senators are currently four points back after the Bruins shit their pants against the worst team in the NHL. This is going to be a very telling game for this Bruins team. I talked about it on Twitter […]

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Murray the Tank Engine. BRUINS WI…LOSE. LOSE?!

(Editor’s note: This game broke Jon’s brain. The Bruins are so confusing that they’ll go on a big win streak then lose to Lindback and the Sabres. LINDBACK. The only Back worse than Nickelback. So instead of doing a regular recap he decided to do story time instead and drink a tall glass of Buffalo […]

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70. Buffalo Sabres at Boston Bruins. No Need For The Irish Luck Tonight.

Ah the Buffalo Sabres. The shit stains of the NHL. The Bruins and Sabres used to have a nice rivalry. It wasn’t anything to write home to Ma about. It wasn’t Bruins/Canadiens or Penguins/Flyers but it was fun. In the 2010 playoffs the #6 seed Boston Bruins rolled the #3 seeded Buffalo Sabres. The two […]

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