Archives

Shit_Fountain_sculpture

Zac Rinaldo is a Fountain of Shit

“Zac Rinaldo is one of those players that you hate playing against, but you love having him on your team.”   Zac Rinaldo is a waste of cap space, a roster spot, and carbon. He’s the kind of player that makes you go “OK, Claude. Fine, you can have Gregory Campbell back.”   Since entering the league, […]

dougiepunk

The Summer of Doug

(The TD Garden crowd is boiling over with anticipation. Earlier today, Dougie Hamilton made his contract demands clear. Suddenly, the low familiar guitar riff rumbles over the PA…..”No chance, that’s what ya got.”)   (General Manager Don Sweeney makes his way down to center ice to a lukewarm reception, microphone in hand.) “Good evening, ladies […]

walesconference

Days of Y’Orr First Round Preview – Eastern Conference

So, the Bruins’ season is over. Life goes on. The next two months are our favorites of the year, regardless of who’s playing. Playoff hockey is the kitties’ titties. So, liberated from our individual biases, we present to you, our preview of the first round in the chase for Lord Stanley’s Cup. Here are the 4 […]

campbellconf

Days of Y’Orr First Round Preview – Western Conference

So, the Bruins’ season is over. Life goes on. The next two months are our favorites of the year, regardless of who’s playing. Playoff hockey is the kitties’ titties. So, liberated from our individual biases, we present to you, our preview of the first round in the chase for Lord Stanley’s Cup. Here are the 4 […]

detroittourism

Trot Mess. Bruins Win!

As I live and breath, the 2014-15 Boston Bruins are in a playoff spot. Like, a real one too, not just a wild-card seed. Bruins showed a lot of [cliche redacted] in this game, coming from behind to beat a Detroit team currently doing their best Jimi Hendrix impression. Not the revolutionary guitar-playing part, the choking […]

CM-Punk-is-sad-wwe-26437851-704-400

It’s Clobberin’ Time! Bruins Lose.

So Bergeron scored 33 seconds into the game and I was like…   Things looked like they might be on the upswing, but then some Lightning player whose name I will not even attempt to spell tied it up. Just one goal, no big deal, right?   J.T. Brown would give the Bolts the lead […]

Screen Shot 2015-03-20 at 8.44.50 AM

Break The Internet, Too Much GIF. Bruins Lose.

So, this is less than good. Bruins had a chance to all but put away the Senators tonight, but no, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Instead, Ottawatch 2015 continues as the Sens pull within two points of the Bs, with one game in hand, no less.   The theme of missed opportunities would […]

haggscampbell

#ShitBidet Scores a Goal. Wrong Team Though. Bruins Lose.

Editor’s note: Tonight’s recap was written by the always funny Bree Mellen. Check her out on Twitter. Honk honk! All aboard the strugglebus, friends because this game was pretty gross. I’ll be your driver for the evening as the kind folks here at DOY have allowed me to recap the steaming pile of ass that […]

Rask Rap Battle

Inside Job. Bruins Win!

Yo. The Broons are beating good teams and looking good doing it. You could point to the Max Talbot deal, and say stupid things like grit, hustle, and heart. Or, you could look at it objectively and see that over the past 10 games, in which the Bruins have gone 8-1-1, David Pastrnak and Ryan Spooner […]

Ryan-Spooner-Closeup

Quickcap. Bruins 3, Senators 1

1:02 2nd Ryan Spooner (2-Power play) from Torey Krug, Dougie Hamilton   15:21 2nd Loui Eriksson (17) Unassisted   16:53 2nd Ryan Spooner (3) from Milan Lucic, David Pastrnak       8:30 3rd Matt Puempel (1st career NHL goal) from Patrick Wiercioch,  Jean-Gabriel Pageau     Two sexy goals in your hometown? Ryan Spooner, come on down!   […]

carlmarch

Quickcap. Bruins 3, Flyera 2

7:07 1st Zdeno Chara (6-Power Play) from Dougie Hamilton, Patrice Bergeron 9:43 2nd Jakub “Marshall’s Fantasy MVP” Voracek (20-Power Play) from Mark Streit, Claude Giroux 14th round of the draft. That’s when I got Voracek. No, I won’t shut up about it, Justin. You shut up.   15:30 3rd Chris Vande Velde from Nick Schultz, Brayden Schenn […]

mehcat

Quickcap. Flames 4 Bruins 3

7:46 1st Brad Marchand (19) from Patrice Bergeron, Dougie Hamilton   A Bruins team that was “in need of grit and leadership” got it in the form of a stupid fucking boarding penalty from Max Talbot. (Drink every time someone mentions Game 7 of the `09 Finals)   18:49 1st Sean Monahan (23-Power Play) from Jiri Hudler, […]

jack-edwards-bruin

Guest Recap. We Apologize for the Yelling. Bruins Win!

Editor’s note: Due to his actions on Twitter today, Days of Y’Orr General Manager, Patrice Purrgeron has suspended Marshall for one week. Unable to get Jon off the couch, we are being forced to use a guest writer tonight. We can’t legally use his real name, so for the purpose of a by-line, we bring you tonight’s […]

NOC14_Photo_284-3184021190.0

Curb Stomp. Bruins Win.

David Krejci out of the lineup today, so by proxy, so is Milan Lucic. Sure, he’s on the ice but is he really? The good news? RYAN SPOONER, BITCHES! I, for one, can’t wait for his 6 minutes of ice time while Greg Campbell starts running the point on the powerplay. Joking. I’m joking. HAHA.   […]

Quantcast