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Loui Eriksson Is Probably Your First Line RW. And That’s OK.

Are you still reading this? Good, you made it past the title without shutting down your browser, ripping your computer off your desk, throwing it in a dumpster, and then setting said dumpster ablaze. I’m here to tell you why it’s a good thing that Loui Eriksson is going to see a whole lot more […]

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Peter and Chris: A Love Story

In high school, I had a copy of Clerks on VHS. I loved that fucking movie. I watched it pretty much every night before I fell asleep. Subconsciously, I think it might be why I love Patrice Bergeron so much. The point is, as technology kept advancing, I was still clutching onto this outdated format, […]

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A Symphony of (Broken) Wind…BRUINS LOSE.

I’ve really got nothing right now. One of these teams looked like they were fighting for its life, the other looked like a recycled bag of smashed assholes that got put through a meat grinder, made into sausage, sold in a cart on Causeway Street, eaten, washed down by 14 Natty Lights, and puked up […]

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Y’all Got Any More of Them Third Periods? Bruins Lose.

Thanks, Montreal. Now I know what it feels like to watch the Game of Thrones intro on acid. I get that you want to jerk off before the game, everyone does. But not everyone does it in a full length mirror with Michael Bay applying the lube and John Williams conducting the London Symphony Orchestra […]

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You Play with Fire, You Get Burnt…Bruins Lose

Tonight’s recap brought to you by Prilosec and Irish Whiskey. This thing must have been a ton of fun to watch for people who had no Caron horse in this race. You know how to lose games to Montreal? You take dumb penalties. For all the things you can say about PK Subban, you can’t deny […]

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Occupy Octopi…Bruins Win!

First rant. Then recap. The Octopus throw is the dumbest fucking tradition in sports. It’s disgusting. Who in their right mind would want to skate through that slime? It hasn’t even made sense in about fifty years. You wanna throw a sixteen-tentacled sea beast on the ice? Go for it. Shouldn’t be too hard to […]

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82. Boston Bruins at New Jersey Devils. The End of the Beginning

It’s finally here. Thank sweet chocolate christ on a cracker, the end of the regular season is here! All that stands between the Bruins and a first round matchup with Detroit is a sixty minute game that means absolutely fuck-all in Newark. That’s right, Marchand, go refill your Valtrex prescription, the season ends in Dirty […]

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TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE! BRUINS WIN!

HA! I’m officially in now. I distracted Purrgeron with a laser pointer and a bag of catnip and next thing you know, I had a login and posting privileges. You can follow me on Twitter. Much like my articles, 90% of it is delusional rambling, but it’s good for an occasional laugh. Just like the […]

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