theoptionalskate

The Optional Skate EP 13: Talking Carolina Hurricanes with Section 328’s Derek Roessler

Welcome back to “The Optional Skate”! We are sitting down with Section 328’s Derek Roessler to talk about the Carolina Hurricanes and how they stack up against the Boston Bruins in our ‘Marquee Matchup’. Pez also goes on a Noah Hanifin love session because he’s a position queen and loves himself some defensemen. We also […]

gamedayflorida

35: Bruins @ Panthers. Kill me pls.

Be forewarned, I’ve had that death sentence of a stomach bug lately, so this preview will be just like the last 48 hours of my life: don’t expect anything too solid out of me. When the Bruins last played the Panthers on December 5th, they were knocking on Ottawa’s back door for 2nd in the […]

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Jimmy Hayes 2.0 Is My Homeboy. BRUINS LOSE

Just hit play on the video below because I feel it speaks to the Bruins loss to the Islanders in so many ways. Are we all sufficiently grumpy and irritated now? Okay, good. The Bruins lost 4-2 to the New York Islanders last night and to be honest I’m not surprised as this year the […]

nyiice

34. Islanders at Bruins. Trust The Gorton’s Fisherman

Oh Islanders, what happened to you? After a rough stretch, you were heading in the right direction.  You drafted a stud in Little Johnny Tavares, had three playoff appearances in four years, made it to the 2nd round last year. Now? Woof. That is some unsavory company you’re keeping there Islanders.  Your mother and I […]

bizarro

Welcome To The Madness. BRUINS WIN!

Welcome to Bizarro World, my friends. I advise you keep your arms inside the cart at all times as we journey through the weird little game the Bruins managed to win this afternoon versus the LA Kings. One thing you should know about this game before we proceed any further is that there was only […]

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32: Ducks @ Bruins. Happy 4/20.

If you’re not watching the Bruins stoned off your tits tonight, democracy has failed. More than it already has, but whatever. Happy Legalization Day, Massachusetts! Today is also the Bruins’ first look at Anaheim, who, I know this is shocking, are quietly having another superb season. Maybe it’s their lack of post-season success, but the Ducks […]

pastawhisper

I Still Love You David P. BRUINS LOSE.

Yeah. This recap is super late. My apologies but hey better late than never, right? I figure you can read this then pop right over and read Marshall’s preview for the game today if you haven’t already so really that extends your enjoyment and you’re so welcome. The Bruins somehow managed to score more than […]

pittsburghice

31. Boston Bruins at Pittsburgh Penguins. Defend The Wall.

The wall being Tuukka Rask. The Bruins are going to have to be at their very best when it comes to playing defense tonight. The Pittsburgh Penguins are the hottest team in the NHL at this point in the season – no ifs, ands or buts about it. Check this out: That’s absurd. The Penguins […]

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No Suspension For Torey Krug.

Torey Krug hit Andrew Shaw so hard that Krug is going to smell like boiled hot dogs for a week. The hit has raised the ire of Canadiens fans and some of hockeytwitter in general. There was no penalty on the play but Alexei Emelin felt the need to get involved. Despite all of that, […]

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Bruins PK So Good, Montreal Traded It. BRUINS WIN.

You folks hear that? Listen. Shhhh. Listen. You can hear the dying cries on Twitter…. “But Raaaaaaaask caaaaaaan’t plaaaaaaaaay in Montreaaaaaaaal” The only goal Montreal scored on him was because Keven Miller is the human equivalent of getting fucked in the eyes by an elephant. Tuukka Rask marched into Montreal and absolutely stole that game. […]

montreaicel

30: Bruins @ Canadiens. Lambs to the Goddamn Slaughter.

Ok, so as this preview is being written, the Boston Bruins Hockey Club sits in third place in the Atlantic Division. Yes, they are a playoff team in the most literal sense. Their grip on that spot, however, is as loose as Jon’s mom’s chocolate canal the week before rent is due. Tampa, Florida, and […]

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Bruins Taking So Many L’s, You’d Think They Were Tomi Lahren’s Twitter.

Author’s Note: This recap is salty as fuck. If you can’t handle copious amounts of salt, rage gifs, call-outs and being mean to Bruins players – please move on. Actually, I’m not that mean to them. But I am frustrated. So deal.  I can’t wait for the fucking hate mail to roll in after that […]

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29. Toronto at Boston. Leafs In The Gutters

I am so disgusted with this Bruins organization right now. From the coaching, to the players, right down to the guys who have to clean up the spoked B in the locker room after Jimmy Hayes finishes shitting all over it, they’re all accountable.  Don’t get me wrong, I expected this season to be a […]

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DOY’s Official “Get Pastrnak To The 2017 All-Star Game” Campaign

Guys, LA needs more carbs in it’s diet and we’re ready to give them a heaping serving of Pasta. As of this post, David PAstrnak is currently tied with Sidney Crosby for the league lead in goals at 18. The league lead! It is a travesty that this Boston Bruin’s name isn’t even on the […]

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An Entire Avalanche of Garbage And Smelly Cats. BRUINS LOSE.

‘Member how the Avalanche is a bad team? ‘Member Soderberg is struggling? ‘Member their losing streak??? ‘Member??? I hope you can ‘member all of this because apparently the Avalanche forgot it all last night and somehow managed to beat the Bruins 4-2. It was gross you guys. I have no real words to describe how […]

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