pastawhisper

I Still Love You David P. BRUINS LOSE.

Yeah. This recap is super late. My apologies but hey better late than never, right? I figure you can read this then pop right over and read Marshall’s preview for the game today if you haven’t already so really that extends your enjoyment and you’re so welcome. The Bruins somehow managed to score more than […]

pittsburghice

31. Boston Bruins at Pittsburgh Penguins. Defend The Wall.

The wall being Tuukka Rask. The Bruins are going to have to be at their very best when it comes to playing defense tonight. The Pittsburgh Penguins are the hottest team in the NHL at this point in the season – no ifs, ands or buts about it. Check this out: That’s absurd. The Penguins […]

hacksaw-jim-kruggan

No Suspension For Torey Krug.

Torey Krug hit Andrew Shaw so hard that Krug is going to smell like boiled hot dogs for a week. The hit has raised the ire of Canadiens fans and some of hockeytwitter in general. There was no penalty on the play but Alexei Emelin felt the need to get involved. Despite all of that, […]

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Bruins PK So Good, Montreal Traded It. BRUINS WIN.

You folks hear that? Listen. Shhhh. Listen. You can hear the dying cries on Twitter…. “But Raaaaaaaask caaaaaaan’t plaaaaaaaaay in Montreaaaaaaaal” The only goal Montreal scored on him was because Keven Miller is the human equivalent of getting fucked in the eyes by an elephant. Tuukka Rask marched into Montreal and absolutely stole that game. […]

montreaicel

30: Bruins @ Canadiens. Lambs to the Goddamn Slaughter.

Ok, so as this preview is being written, the Boston Bruins Hockey Club sits in third place in the Atlantic Division. Yes, they are a playoff team in the most literal sense. Their grip on that spot, however, is as loose as Jon’s mom’s chocolate canal the week before rent is due. Tampa, Florida, and […]

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Bruins Taking So Many L’s, You’d Think They Were Tomi Lahren’s Twitter.

Author’s Note: This recap is salty as fuck. If you can’t handle copious amounts of salt, rage gifs, call-outs and being mean to Bruins players – please move on. Actually, I’m not that mean to them. But I am frustrated. So deal.  I can’t wait for the fucking hate mail to roll in after that […]

torontoice

29. Toronto at Boston. Leafs In The Gutters

I am so disgusted with this Bruins organization right now. From the coaching, to the players, right down to the guys who have to clean up the spoked B in the locker room after Jimmy Hayes finishes shitting all over it, they’re all accountable.  Don’t get me wrong, I expected this season to be a […]

Pastrfarian-Pastrnak-Bruins

DOY’s Official “Get Pastrnak To The 2017 All-Star Game” Campaign

Guys, LA needs more carbs in it’s diet and we’re ready to give them a heaping serving of Pasta. As of this post, David PAstrnak is currently tied with Sidney Crosby for the league lead in goals at 18. The league lead! It is a travesty that this Boston Bruin’s name isn’t even on the […]

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An Entire Avalanche of Garbage And Smelly Cats. BRUINS LOSE.

‘Member how the Avalanche is a bad team? ‘Member Soderberg is struggling? ‘Member their losing streak??? ‘Member??? I hope you can ‘member all of this because apparently the Avalanche forgot it all last night and somehow managed to beat the Bruins 4-2. It was gross you guys. I have no real words to describe how […]

colorado

28. Colorado Avalanche at Boston Bruins. Is Carl Still In Charge?

No, no he’s not. In 2015, before he was dropping verified takes on everyone, Pete Blackburn wrote that the Boston Bruins should be sellers at the trade deadline. So, who do they sell? Well, Carl Soderberg is a good place to start. The 29-year old Swede has produced and become a fan-favorite centering the Bruins’ […]

7xtlsxi

Hoo-hoo, Take The Point And Run! BRUINS LOSE!

Hopefully you got the Steve Miller Band reference. Hell, hopefully some of you are old enough to know who the Steve Miller Band is.  After the first period and a half, the Bruins were helping in my decision to go to bed and call it an early night. In my mind, the recap was already […]

washingtonice

27: Boston Bruins at Washington Capitals. Impotent PPs

“I’m going to paint my dick like the Washington Monument then come back and say “i’ll show you a capital idea” -@JonFDOY Well with an introduction like that, the rest of this preview can only be disappointing, so lets get it over with. There have been a number of surprising twists and turns to the […]

Pastrnaken

Shut Up And Enjoy Your Pasta – BRUINS WIN!

This game could have ended up being just a nightmare if it wasn’t for one small child with a big dream. He arrived from overseas with a hope and a dream and a twinkle in his eye. Fresh faced and pure, he graced the ice and became the embodiment of everything good, right and worthy. […]

gamedayflorida

26: Panthers @ Bruins. All Right Meow.

We’re all tired of talking about the Bruins’ offense. There are only so many metaphors I can force. So, fuck it, let’s talk about the Florida Panthers. Last years’ Atlantic Division champs are one of this season’s biggest disappointments. Nobody picked them to repeat that fate, not with a healthy Carey Price back on the ice, but […]

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